This is a thread for what triggers you when you think you are doing OK. I am posting the not so usual ones:

I am triggered on Sundays and Mondays

I trigger by my computer because that was what I used to find out details about the affair

I haven't been in our garden since D Day. I am not triggered by the inside of the house because there were ugly times in there, but the garden was full of beautiful moments

I am triggered when I see a blonde woman or even a blonde Barbie doll

I am triggered by high heels (pumps)

I am triggered when I meet old couples

I am triggered by a certain cell phone company

I am triggered by facebook, skype and thunderbird

I am triggered by a OW's surname (not the first name I dont know why)

Is this too much ?

Here's a thread to help with triggers. At the end of the thread there are radio clips that Dr. Harley gives some excellent direction.

Managing Memories and Dealing with Triggers

I'd like to read about some of your triggers here just for the love of list-making!

Reading this just underscores to me the benefits of MOVING to me!! I remember how I used to be triggered all the time until we moved out of that house to another city. I swear, the triggers faded fast after that.

Just living in the house where I found out about the affair kept the affair top of mind. Moving into a new home was a breath of fresh air!

I used to have visual images of my wife having sex with OM.
I read about a therapy used to block them and it worked for me.
When I start to picture it in my mind, I say (out loud I nobody is around) STOP! And I immediately imagine something that makes me happy.
For me it was my daughter on a swing ( she loves to swing).

Otherwise I still have lots of "triggers" but I choose not to allow myself to react to them. I live in the same house, drive the same family minivan they probably had sex in (I look forward to getting rid of it),

I think divorce greatly reduces "triggers".

Certain music, movies

I really struggled and found it painful knowing Isildur took PEGI to both cities we used to live in. One city in particular was very painful as there is a huge emotional attachment. We'd chosen this city for family and lifestyle and had plans for our dream home. We'd and only relocated to our current city to be a full time family as Isildur was working in the city we now live in and returning home on weekends. The plan was to return at a later date. It seems PEGI had intentionally requested these visits as a way of creating new memories trying to replace the old.

Our 4WD even though PEGI had never been in it. Strangely it effected me more returning to the car after dropping DS7 to class. Actually taking and collecting DS from school often left me feeling sad.

Seeing other families and couples spending time together

My favourite show Grand designs .... I couldn't watch other people building or renovating, it was too painful watching them realise their dreams when we had lost ours.

After Isildur left home I hated going to bed at night alone and waking up alone.

Weekends as this was always time we spent together as a family and couple.

My triggers were pretty much everything to begin with... a man's voice first thing in the morning (my friend's boyfriends, NOT a ONS!), movies, 4X4's (and my father owned the same as H and I did), babies, ALL happy couples, rivers, certain brands of jam, the coffee percolater... need I go on?

The thing is, the triggers have decreased a LOT.

There have been some odd ones for me that have sort of stuck. I still can't quite shake the office photocopier (which always reminds me of the last time H and I photocopied something ) And there is a poster on MB who in real life has the same name as OW... that took me a while to get to grips with.

But as time goes on the triggers ease as I replace them with happier memories... 4X4's are usually fine, the coffee percolater only occasionally sets a memory off, I can eat jam without thinking of WH, and go jogging by the river without having a sobbing meltdown.

Some triggers remain and I expect will for a while... Pregnant women and babies are still a sore point. But time and Plan B are healing, so I will keep moving forward.

This makes me all the more excited to move...

Cara, apart from the obvious benefit of no triggers attached to your new home, how exciting and what a great way to move forward with your life building and decorating a new home.

Weird trigger for me...Tramp called breasts tatas and when we all lived in the same town and were family friends HAM started saying it, that's when I told him to keep his boundaries high around her. Now every time I see "save the tatas" signs I'm triggered.

Certain cell phone ringtones......or the sound of a cell phone on vibrate.

I also detest ads for spyware (not because I but because HE used it for the OW)
I can't watch TV not even for one minute (never a big fan but now even more)
I really detest jokes about adultery (and there are so much)
There are a couple of known adulterers in my work place (now divorced) and I learned about them recently. I cannot even say hi to them.

Adultery is rampant.
More common than divorce.


But Faith, you can learn to control your RESPONSE to the trigger.
If you dwell on the triggers they will eat you alive.
I choose to focus on other things.

A new person joined our Sunday School class. I immediately didn't like him because his facial features reminded me of OM.
Yet after I spoke with him I observed that he was not anything like OM. (he looks so much like him they could be brothers)
I still have to remind myself of that when I see him and choose to accept him for the person he is.

I previously shared with you my family friend (retired first sergeant) that served in Vietnam war. His "war trigger" was Vietnamese. 30 years after the war he still used racial slurs and demeaning ways to describe those people. Even though some of the people he hated were never in combat against him or even born before the war ended.

Contrast his behavior with John McCain, who was a tortured prisoner of war and later lead the effort to reconcile with the people of Vietnam. In fact McCain later met some of his guards on return trips. There is no doubt that McCain likely had numerous triggers from his torture but he chose not to allow them to impair him.

For me, I have good days and bad days. I try to have an "attitude of gratitude" because even though my wife cheated and left, I am a heathy young man. I have healthy children, we have food and shelter and clothing and there is just too much in life to be thankful for. The kids picked out a couple finch birds and it's nice to come home to the sound of chirping birds.

Two years in and one of my few remaining triggers is doing laundry. As a SAHM I would always do H's laundry when he returned from a business trip. When I found out about his ONS I thought about how he came home after that and gave me his dirty clothes from that night. I still think about it every time I launder his work clothes. We have started using a service this year for most of his work clothes, that has helped a lot. He sets them out on the front porch, a man comes and takes them and dry cleans them, hangs them back on the front porch...I never have to touch them.

I also have triggers from my RA. In case anyone is wondering if a wayward has triggers. I would say a repentent one does. I used to use shopping trips to Target to communicate with my RA AP, and now whenever I go to Target I get really emotional, especially at night. Unfortunately, hard for a SAHM to stay away from Target.

Smokers

Thank you FNM for starting this. I have often wondered what and how long triggers remain for a BS.

We are a little over 2 years since "full disclosure" Thanks to a POLY. I'm a HUGE believer in POLY's ASAP.

A few of my triggers:

When WH is glued to his phone. He spend thousands of hours emailing skanks and whores across the nation.

Our local airport. My FWH had the balls to have me drive him to the airport so he could have a weekend in Chicago with one of his skanks. My innocent teenage son even picked him up. He even said the trip was a "christian mens retreat"

The restuarants and hotel they went to in our hometown, while I was out of town with our kids at six flags....so, six flags is also a trigger. (he had to stay home and work)

Women in general. I don't know what most of the skanks looked like. So, I find myself asking "is that what ow#2/#3 looked like?.

Valerie Bertanelli. FWH said that is what one of the skanks looked like. Is'nt she a lifetime member of weight watchers?

The Green Bay Packers. WH started a relationship becuase she had connections to get tickets. (like he could afford it..)

Ford Explorers. FWH drove skanks FE on their weekend in Chicago. I hate Fords!

Las Vegas. He met a skank there. I've never been there and have no desire to ever go.

All the towns/states/countries the whores lived in.

Going to church. For a long time, not so much now. It baffled me how he could be whoring around all week then go teach sunday school and be the "perfect teacher/husband"

Arguing with H. We are working on perfecting our conflict avoidance, but if we do argue it brings back all the memories of when he was wayward and said very hurtful things to me.



These are just a few. I don't have daily meltdowns anymore, but the triggers are there on a daily basis. I try not to let them bother me.

I do look forward to one day moving to a new place with no triggers. None of the skanks live in our town or have been to our home, so that helps.

UW, the laundry trigger...I've never thought of that, but it rings true in my case as well.

The condom section in any store.

Pre-Paid Cell phones (even the add mins cards)

My H just resently told me that me running on a certain road near our house was a trigger for him. I had no clue until he told me. He has told me a few other triggers and I have tried to eliminate them but I always feel that there are so much more than I know that he does not tell me.

Since I am both a wayward and bs I also get triggers from both sides of the fence. None of them are pleasant but I try to do something similar to a couple of other posters, tell my mind to STOP and move on.

I have a question, have any of you guys told your significant other about your triggers? Is this something that is suggested? Again, I would have no clue that my H was triggered by where I ran if he would not have told me.

Sometimes I feel like telling my H a few of mine but I always hold back because I almost feel like it is harping on the past or bringing up all of the pain from this past year that we are trying to get past.

There is this one shirt he wears though that I really want to burn!!! He wore it one night when he was on a date with his RAP (revenge affair partner). The fact that it looks really good on him makes it even worse!!

Have you heard these clips?

Here are some more clips on triggers and dwelling.

Radio clip on Triggers
Segment #2

Thanks BH! I just listened and that really helped. Everything has been disclosed on both ends and we both need to move on. I just worry that my H has triggers that he is not disclosing to me however this might be better than him throwing them in my face. Since he decided to truly give us another chance he has not brought up the A at all. I think this scares me because he his such a private person that I worry that he is holding things in.