I wanted to get some other peoples opinions on this. I have been married for three years. My husband has taken off his wedding ring in the past because he said it was to tight and it bothered his hand while he worked. About six months ago we bought him a bigger ring. He said the ring fit much better and he could hardly tell he was wearing it. Last week I noticed he came home twice from work without his wedding ring on again. When I questioned him about it he gave me the excuse that it was bothering him. Then on his off day he told me he was meeting some guy to look at our van to see what was wrong with it. When he came home from meeting this guy I noticed he did not have his ring on again. When I questioned him he stated he just took it off while he was driving. Can't give me a real reason why he took it off. I am very concerned.

Your intuition is talking to you tangled. You have come to the right place for help. People here have heard it all, and they will be able to guide you.

Why don't you do some snooping? Hire a PI. Don't say anything to your husband. Don't tell him about this site. This is for you. A PI can pretty quickly determine what is going on. Also, look at spyware for the computer and for his cell phone, and a VAR (voice activated recorder) hidden in his car. There is quite a lot you can do to get the information you NEED to know to make informed decisions as to what you do next.

That is a good idea. The problem is he is probably using his work vehicle and work phone for any communicating. So it may be a little hard. My first husband had an affair and left me after 22 years. This sight is what helped me. I just feel like things are a little strange.

Can you afford a PI?

The problem is he is a cop. He is in his car all the time and has a work phone. He would notice a huge expence like a pi. He is with me all the time except for when he is at work. The problem is he could easily be
seeing or talking to someone during work hours. I never questioned anything until he took his wedding ring off. It just seems like a huge red flag to me.

I agree it would be a good idea to hire a PI. Could you take a new credit card and put it on there? Or perhaps borrow money from a friend or relative?

What was your posting name when you posted here before?

Does he bring his work vehicle home? Can you put a VAR and GPS on it?

Is there anyway you can take a little money here and there to save up for a PI? Take $50+ out at the grocery store or $20 every time you use your card? Or can you put it on a credit card?

Also what was your old posting name?

He very seldom brings his work vehicle home. The issue i really have is his recent change in behavior. When we were dating i caught him giving his phone number to girls. We went through therapy because of it. The therapist said he had boundary issues and he liked the way it made him feel when he got attention from other women. He didn't actually have an affair but it could have led to one. We have had no problems at all in six years until now. I don't know if the same issue is coming up and since he has a ring on its not as easy to do thats why he is taking it off. Then i wonder if he met up with someone the other day when he claimed he was getting the car looked at thats why he took it off then. I don't remember my old screen name. I am going to try and figure a way to hire the pi.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have the PI all worked out. I have a very good friend in my home town that took care of everything for me. She got the best PI in our area to follow him. She is taking care of the bill for me so she is having everything done and money is no object to her. They are even able to look into his phone records at work because I was able to provide his work number. I feel sick about it but I know I deserve to be treated better than this. The sad thing is if he would have felt bad at all that he hurt me for taking his ring off I wouldn't be doing any of this. Turning it all around and telling me I am crazy and getting so defensive about taking his ring off tells me he is hiding something.

Good deal! Keep us posted and we can help you with next steps.

Good!!!

Tell that friend thanks from us, here at your MB family.

The sad thing is I would have never hired a PI. I am not that kind of a person. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. He justed acted so mean and turned everything around on me because I was upset. When he made me feel like I was the one with the problem and he was so furious with me for even saying anything I knew in my gut there was something wrong. Whether he is just started talking to someone or he is having a full blown affair I guess the PI will let me know. Either way he has made things so much worse now instead of just apologizing to me in the first place and trying to work things out.

If you didn't have the people here giving you some strength for now, his mean, turning everything around to make you feel you are the problem would have worked for him!!!

You have definately come to the right place here tangled. Here, you will be told to do things that are very scary. But, they have been where you are. I really didn't know this either, but have come to finally see that: you have been beaten down so much over the years with his behavior, gaslighting, deceipt, demonizing, disconnect, etc.., that this all became the norm for you. You are in a BS fog of sorts. You have to break your own fog, that one where he has trained you to stay right where he wants you - trained you to think just the way he wants you to, so he can go about doing exactly what he wants to do. It is he who is cheating, taking his ring off, being deceiptful, trying to make you feel crazy, not being transparent so you can feel safe, loved and protected.

Please don't worry about him being mad at you. Please don't worry about giving him any reasons not to like you. Turn this around. Don't you deserve to have feelings on all of this? Don't you deserve to not like HIS behaviors? MelodyLane is spot on. Remember, especially at first, things you read here will bring up anger in you. That is because there is truth in it that you don't want to face!!!! This is the biggest gift you can get here from everyone wanting to help you. Please open yourself up here. Receive all this information and guidance. If you do, you will immediately begin to grow into the woman who is going to handle this situation and be better for it!!!

If he apologized but continued his affair would you still be ok with that?

You can't fix it when you don't know have all the information. When you get your evidence from the PI, do not confront him, come here.

We will give you the most effective plan to fight for your marriage.

Good job! Let us know what he tells you. Don't say anything to your WH.

The moderator can find your old posting name If you hit NOTIFY MOD and give them your old email address

You deserve someone better. My sister has the same issue and I the private investigator was the biggest help. Hope you can cope up!

Please elaborate, CF. Are you saying a PI was pivotal in your sister's case?