What can kiss do that improves himself and is in complete isolation from women?

HDW,

You're a great enabler!

Kiss never has to answer a single question or become responsible for himeself with you around.

You've encouraged him to sit around and watch movies and work out in the gym..... I NEVER had time for any of that!!!! I was too interested in saving my marriage.

I read every one of Dr. H's books and read them again while taking note, I also listened to all of them on CD again and again.....and spent every free minute developing my EP's/boundaries and learning how to meet my wife's EN's.

What can he do to improve himself???? Seriously! He can do what I just mentioned. Kiss has still never finished the first book yet!

Sheesh!

Broken_smile,

It's funny you say that. I called my kids last night and RQ got on the phone. I said about everyone questioning if I should go to the gym or not. She said that she has never liked it. She had never told me that before. So I guess if RQ wants to ever give me another chance I will not be going to the gym anymore.

It is something I love but I stopped for a long time as when we meet I was in great shape as I am 6'5" at that time I was 235 pds and 8% body fat. I stopped working out because I knew it would effect our marriage the amount of time it took.


I did start back up when I started talking to my affair partner last november. RQ told me now me going to the gym has been a huge trigger for her again its something that she never told me. I think it is a big problem in our recovery was that I was scared to tell her the truth as I did not want to hurt her and I knew it would make me look bad. She wouldn't tell me her thoughts because she wouldn't want to bring up the affair or she didn't want to have me thinking back about it. I think that both were huge issues that held us back. I understand how hurtful I have been to RQ by not telling her every detail when we were in the early stages of recovery.

After reading on the first pages on RQ thread a couple days ago. I thought a lot about a post by HerPapaBear about me giving her a timeline of the affair. This is something I never did. So Monday night I wrote it out. I wanted to make sure she has been told everything. So I gave her a list of somethings she knew and a couple of things she didn't. I know that she is hurtng from it. But it's something I had to do. As I talked a family member a couple days prior about it. She said that she is getting new things that happened in her husbands affair that took place 8 years ago. She said how painful it is. I realized that I don't want to keep twisting the knfe in the woundof my wife years from now so I had to tell her. I am so scared to hurt her and lose her. But for us to heal either together or seperate she deserves to know. I wish I did this way back in the beginning.

Anyone dealing with a new affair out their please be honest and write down and reveiw a timeline of your affair. Please trust me. In order to heal you have to get the wound clean in order to properly heal the wound. I did not do this and it could cost me[s][/s]
the love of my life.

KISS

Kiss- I am glad that it matters to u "what would RQ think?"...BUT u were suppose to ask yourself that question. U were not suppose to ask her. U just violated the restraining order as well as her Plan B. I feel u have made a lot of progress recently but I am afraid u have fallen back a few steps on this latest action of yours. I hope u get back on track with this recovery and stop acting selfishly. I will pray for u that u do not wind up with cops at your door AND more importantly I will pray that u did not destroy any last chance u may have had at recovering your marriage!

JenniferVoyager,

What has changed please give details. My Email had a lot more info and they cut it down. I asked to go on the air and I didn't get my request.

KISS

So I guess if RQ wants to ever give me another chance I will not be going to the gym anymore.

So we tell you the gym is not a good idea -- you are vulnerable to having another affair and going is not using EPs to prevent another affair. You acknowledge that RQ doesn't like it and that it triggers her.

But you are going to continue to go to the gym.

Translation: You are STILL not taking EPs seriously and STILL not willing to go the extra mile for RQ and your M -- only if it benefits YOU in some way.

It is this type of lackadaisical attitude that has gotten you into so much trouble in your M and yet you continue. I guess I should say thank you for letting me know, as I have invested too much time on this thread already.

SusieQ,


Also I have a question RQ went to zumba in the past every week. Thier are men in that class. Does that mean that she shouldn't go anymore? It is something made me nervous in the past because I do know how their are people at the gym that are only their to socialize and they think its a great chance to hit on woman. What do you think?

KISS

SusieQ,

I understand what you are saying. Even with RQ having a order of prtection against me and having no interest in me I shouldn't go to the gym right now? I do not talk to anyone. It is something I love to do. It does really help me right now as far as stress and killing some time. I have been spending 5 to 6 hours a day because I realy haven't had a place to go to and I have no money. I sit in my car at gas stations on the MB web site. I do put in a lot of time into learning and growing my self through marriage builders. Also I am reading Surviving an affair. I just see going to the gym right now as a mental break from the hell that has become my life right now. Witch I take full responsability for making my life the mess it is. I dont know of any gyms that are just for men. They don't make a curves for men that I know of.

Also I have a question RQ went to zumba in the past every week. Thier are men in that class. Does that mean that she shouldn't go anymore? It is something made me nervous in the past because I do know how their are people at the gym that are only their to socialize and they think its a great chance to hit on woman. What do you think?

KISS

Will do, as soon as they post it in the archives I will post it.

I have been spending 5 to 6 hours a day because I realy haven't had a place to go to and I have no money. I sit in my car at gas stations on the MB web site. I do put in a lot of time into learning and growing my self through marriage builders.

5-6 hrs at the gym? You can't be lifting for 5-6 hrs a day so what else are you doing at the gym?

And gas stations? Are there no libraries or churches where you live? Is this really the best you can do to learn and grow yourself as you say?

I still smell a pity party. Where are you staying?

Maybe I had a brain freeze, but I didn't recognize Kiss on there. I was trying to figure out if he was the woman whose husband wanted a 3some or the man whose wife was lazy and sullen?