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Joined: Apr 2001
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I will definitely try to sell him on this. I just have to do some thinking on how to use finesse and NOT come across as "nagging" or controlling. How to make it about having a better marriage, and NOT about changing him. You got it! It can't be presented as a program to change him. It has to be sold as a benefit to him. People buy when there is a benefit to them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2012
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He works on his computer. All day. He is NEVER far from it. He's a journalist for a tech site. And it's password protected. He would give me the password if I asked--and then be very, very suspicious. I don't see how I could pull it off, but if I figure it out, I will let you know. And if he DID find a key logger on his computer--oy. We would be heading to divorce court for sure. NOT because I didn't trust him--but because I messed with his laptop. BTW, he also has a smartphone and a tablet. I can't cover ALL the bases, so there would always be a cloud of suspicion anyway. Better to wait it out, I think. He works from home, and I am in and out of his office all day (it is attached to our bedroom) and I've not seen anything "hinky" going on--his screens face the door and I can see them from outside the office. I could easily sneak up on him at any point and see him doing something he shouldn't be doing.
Last edited by HeHurtsToo; 11/10/12 12:27 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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He works on his computer. All day. He is NEVER far from it. He's a journalist for a tech site. And it's password protected. He would give me the password if I asked--and then be very, very suspicious. I don't see how I could pull it off, but if I figure it out, I will let you know. And if he DID find a key logger on his computer--oy. We would be heading to divorce court for sure. NOT because I didn't trust him--but because I messed with his laptop. That is a red flag right there. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide. He would divorce you if you looked on his computer? You should divorce him if you can't look on it. Nothing in marriage should be kept secret. Why not get on his computer and just say you want to check something and ask for his password? ["dear, my internet is down, I want to see if you are online"] BTW, he also has a smartphone and a tablet. I can't cover ALL the bases, so there would always be a cloud of suspicion anyway. Better to wait it out, I think. Waiting it out is not a good idea because if he in the initial stages of an affair you won't be able to stop it before it gets worse. And if he is having an affair, then all of your efforts will be for naught because the tactics are completely different.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2012
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Listen to Melody. She knows her stuff in this area.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Thank you, tiredwife! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2012
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No, no--not if I looked on his computer. He would let me look. He would be suspicious of why I wanted to look, but he would let me. He has before. But if I overtly hid a key logger program on his computer and he found it, there would be trouble.
I will definitely take your advice under consideration. Thanks!
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Joined: Apr 2001
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No, no--not if I looked on his computer. He would let me look. He would be suspicious of why I wanted to look, but he would let me. He has before. But if I overtly hid a key logger program on his computer and he found it, there would be trouble. Why would that be? Of course if you looked with his knowledge, you wouldn't likely see anything because he could a) point you where he wanted to and b) perhaps have time to hide something. And if you did ask to look that would defeat the whole purpose because it would tip him off. The solution is to make sure he doesn't find it. And there are many keyloggers that are virtually undetectable.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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