I listened to the clip too and I think they mislabeled it....that wasn't his show.

I don't understand why he used the name Jay.
Why didn't he use the name KISS or Gene Simmons?

Ok I'll look again.

Thanks for letting me know.

I was spending 1 1/2 hours at the gym. I was refurring to the 5-6 hours were spent in my car. On marriage builders on my phone. I just needed some where to park so I could us a bathroom. Yes their are libraries in my area and the churches aren't open 24 hours.

KISS

Maritalbliss,

I would love to have my own gym but the house that we are staying in has no room. It has no basement or any storage area. We left a lot of stuff in our house that is being forclosed on and it was stolen. Stupid me I lost probably $5,000 in tools and so much money in baseball memoribelia.

My daily schedule varies. My work schedule is 11 hour days and they vary from 5am-4pm, 9am-pm or 1pm-12pm. it sucks. other then that all I have been doing is living on this site and trying to read.

KISS

I took my lie detector test tonight. Thank God its over. It was a long three hours. I did tell the guy details that I didn't tell RQ. I told her that we where very physical but I didn't tell her to what extent. We started oral sex on two different nights and it stopped after a couple seconds. I never got excited from it. I know that this is going to be shocking to my RQ. I feel a relief that its over but I feel like crap because I know how much this will hurt her. I just hope that this gives her the forclosure to move on to start to heal. Now its just waiting to see what she wants to do. I will wait for my RQ forever.

KISS

BrainHurts,

Sorry but I just got to listen to the radio clip and that was not my clip.

SORRY,
KISS

Yes, neak and jen told me and so I will look again.

They had it labelled as caller "jay" and so I will keep an ear out for it.

Even if the OS really didn't go anywhere, the fact that you think that matters enough to mention is significant. When you're stabbed through the heart - AGAIN! - is it going to matter to you if the blade was 50 mm wide or 49? Probably not. The only thing that will likely matter is that you were stabbed through the heart. Again.

Is there anything else, not covered by the poly, that you haven't told yet? Trickle truth is the one single thing that can kill your dwindled chance of recovery faster than anything else.

Again, I want to encourage you to make the needed changes in your life for yourself, not for RQ. If she never comes back to you, I don't want you feeling let down because your effort didn't gain the result you wanted. If you do it for you and the kids, and because after how you have devastated RQ it's the RIGHT THING TO DO, then you'll see that it paid off no matter what happens.

Neak,

Understand how devastating it is for her. I'm so tired of hurting Ra. The pain is unbearable. I can't believe I have devastated the one I love the most. I will continue to make my self a better person. I will continue to learn. Hopefully one day she will see the changes and at least be willing to talk to me. I hate myself right now so I could only imagine how she feels about me.

KISS

The pain is unbearable. I can't believe I have devastated the one I love the most.

Well, it is most instructive, if unintentional, my friend, that your note constuction points to exactly the key problem in your mindset. By not taking the opportunity over the past XXX months to give RQ the information you had, RIGHT THERE, about the extent/timing of the oral sex sessions you demonstrated clearly that "the one I love the most" is....yourself.

Argue with me all you want, dude! But the fact that you gave precedence to your embarrassment, your guilt, your need to conceal, over her crying need for truth, honesty, and openness from you will rightly resonate for her for a looooong time.

Regardless of how "incomplete" the OS session you had with OW, in the final resolution, you blew it, my friend.

NG:

I was wondering if I was the only one reading it, that way.

I'm sure it was not so intended, but I had to scratch my head.

It absolutely WAS intended, Pineneedle! This is our NG we're talking about!

No matter how much you try to polish a turd, you still have a turd. Why make it worse with stupid rationalizations like this? Why insult her intelligence by saying stuff like this?

Did you ever have sexual intercourse with that woman?

Did the test ask you specifically whether you had had sexual intercourse with her?

Remember that if you lie in answer to my first question, your answer is here on record. The only outcome after your lying in your reply to me would be divorce.

Wow wish my WS would get on this forum! You guys pull no punches. Hopefully my situation works out and as does yours kiss. Just remember honesty is the best policy and put your BS first not yourself or your feelings your selfishness got you here your selflessness will save your marriage and make you a better man!

kiss, I think maybe I am seeing a glimmer of you trying to let yourself become more open and transparent. I don't know you, but what I know of people who hide behind the secrecy that you have been hiding behind all of these years, is that people who do this have deep fear. Fear of failure, fear of embarassment, fear of shame, fears that keep them closed so no one sees who they really are. The problem with that is that you cannot connect to anyone, and can't allow anyone to connect to you. Marriage is about the connection, the oneness (and about so much more too.) I can tell you that as wives, we would rather you be real, humble, honest, show your fears, show us your weaknesses, cry when you need to, talk to us about your fears and shortcomings instead of playing the "pretend confident" guy that seems balanced and well adjusted who is living a complete lie because he isn't!!! To spend a complete lifetime with someone, there just can't be any of this cr$p that you have wrought on your marriage. There is no truth, honesty or security in that life for your wife (or your children.) Why would she possibly want to stay in it?

Also, you have been you "you, you, you", for so long, I don't know how much you can change to become less about you and more concerned with the feelings of your wife and children. Really, it is your job to make them feel loved and secure by being there, doing for them, spending time with them instead of doing something else. It is your job to give your wife strength when she is weak or had a bad day. Mom's and wives give almost everything they have to everyone else. We need our H's to shore us up. If you are only focusing on how you feel and what you want and need, how can you possibly fulfill anyone elses needs? You don't, they go unmet. They don't go away because you don't care enough about what they want and need over your own wants and needs.

Breaking your selfish, me,me,me, "private", secret habitual lifestyle is what you have to do. Can you do it? Can you just let the walls fall down and face your fears? If you face them,you will actually be able own them and overcome them, and they won't be the guiding force in your life anymore. You will feel better as a man and person and be able to walk with true self-confidence and a self-respect you didn't know you could have.

I really don't know how sincere you are. Words are cheap. Actions can be faked in so many ways. Habits, and fears that shape your actions are VERY difficult and sometimes, impossible to change. I hope you are not just playing a game to "win." What then? What if you do "win" this quest?