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There need be no more documentation for his lack of stature in your new life than this, my friend:
Divorce final Sep 2012
Shame on him, ig, for trying to re-animate the dead, like some Frankenstein-inspired meddler in things beyond his reach.
For your own well-being, I would expect you know that this should be your first, and only, reaction to his arrival:
I ended up having to close the door on him.
I hope you can navigate past this quickly and still enjoy your Holidays!
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indie, i was so worried that you found him IN your house, then i realised he was at the door.
i'm sorry this happened. i can't believe he still denied the a. paraphrased from love actually: (opens door) "here's indie's ex, and he's a big KNOB!"
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Thanks NG. We still have to finalise financial stuff which he used as a pathetic excuse for talking...
But you're right I just have to keep this door closed.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Oh and I could not have looked worse!!
I am wearing brightly coloured slipper boots, old pyjamas, a tatty grey hoodie and my hair is all crazy. I'm covered in icing sugar from making my gingerbread house.
I just told my friend this on the phone and she said: "Do you care?" And honestly, no I don't (surprisingly), I just found it strange he could look at me so seriously, anyone else would have burst out laughing. Well on a lighter note, what a great visual you painted for us! You will be just fine girl! Hit close to home for me, as I'm home alone for the first time without my kiddos for the holidays, baking cookies!
Me: BW (49)
He: FWW (39)
DS13
DD10
D-Day 4-5-11
NC 4-5-11
D-Day #2 July 13
NC July 14
FWW Rehab: July 14-Aug 6 2011
Relapse sept 2012
Plan B: Nov 6, 2012
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I would not have IM restate anything.
Silence is golden and etc.
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Oh and I could not have looked worse!!
I am wearing brightly coloured slipper boots, old pyjamas, a tatty grey hoodie and my hair is all crazy. I'm covered in icing sugar from making my gingerbread house.
I just told my friend this on the phone and she said: "Do you care?" And honestly, no I don't (surprisingly), I just found it strange he could look at me so seriously, anyone else would have burst out laughing. Well on a lighter note, what a great visual you painted for us! You will be just fine girl! Hit close to home for me, as I'm home alone for the first time without my kiddos for the holidays, baking cookies! I did say him: "My gingerbread house and the gifts I have to wrap are waaay more important than whatever this is all about" Need to learn to keep my smartmouth shut! Silence is golden and etc. Indeed.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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indie, i was so worried that you found him IN your house, then i realised he was at the door.
i'm sorry this happened. i can't believe he still denied the a. paraphrased from love actually: (opens door) "here's indie's ex, and he's a big KNOB!" Hahahaha. Brilliant!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Sorry Indie. It's amazing how strong their denial can be...
But you are stronger still.
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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 What rotten timing, but he knew that. As I was reading, I was like, "Close the door". Then, I read that you did close the door, and I was happier. When a Plan B break happens, it affects you so much, because Plan B helps protect you so well. It really works. So instead of beating yourself up about what you should have said/done, just get yourself into the protection of Plan B again. You know that this is a temporary blip, and you will feel stronger in no time.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I'm sorry Indie you had to face this right on Christmas. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself ... you did close the door on him! You have shown strength of character and you will rise above this and find sanctury back in Plan B. Muphys Law - we unexpectedly see people we know when we are not looking our best! Its good you didn't really care.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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What an ###hole.
Stay strong.
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Indie he is just another as..@ you know that. You don't need another one like this in your life. It's not a profound weakness to feel sad. I would embrace this sadness for one last time...and then move on. They are incapable of true love but WE are not.
Me: BW, 41
WH: 46
Married 7 years, together 12
DD: 5
OW: 39
D-Day: 11 April
Plan B since 10/3/12
Divorced 11/12
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I read most of your thread, keep strong and follow your plan. Also god bless you for helping others on this site. Everytime I log on I see your name recently commenting on threads. Keep it up your are a inspiration to me!
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Yes Indie.......I love your insight on things. You are a gifted writer and a MarriageBuilder member who 'gets' it.
You are an inspiration to me too.
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Ah thanks guys. I've just started a thread on the D&R forum now...
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Softlad is a dxxm fool. Just sayin. Just wanted to reiterate... Hope that door in the face was enough 'closure.' Now on to bigger and better things dear Indie! Good luck in the D&R thread (although I think you have the 'R' under control).
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What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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ig, I have a book to recommend to you: Strategy, by Capt Basil H. Liddel Hart.
I have a copy of the second edition, 1954. Knowing how you've absorbed and used the Sun-Tsu writings, this might be of interest to you. The lessons that can be drawn from his analysis of the "indirect" attack line up perfectly with the basis behind the principle of "exposure"!
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Just ordered it myself with a few others I had in my Amazon cart. Thanks for the suggestion.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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