"I would love it if" is the way we're being coached. Granted we're doing it as part of our exercise to communicate our ENs. However I do know that her and I have incorporated that statement into our talks. It's a way to communicate what you'd love to get but doesn't sound demanding in anyway.

"Hey I would love it if you would ...."

It's up to them to decide what they're going to do with your wish (not a demand). Sorta sets them up for expectation without insisting it get done. Trying to take care of our side of the street hoping your spouse participates in doing the same is tricky business. You sound like you�ve already done most of what you can to clean up � just getting yourself to be radically honest is the part you�ve got left IMHO. However I think you need a carrot and/or a stick depending on his response to your openness. I�m no expert in that area.

That�s where you and I differ. My W and I are doing the program with Dr. Chalmers help. If I communicate an I�d love it if to my W and her to me it�s our job to fulfill the request. Fake it til we make it is our course of action.

For 9 years I�ve been hanging around this forum making futile attempts (probably poor attempts) to get my wife on board with the program. Funny how I thought I was asking and she denies being asked. WTH? It doesn�t matter. We�re doing it now. I think it took my withdrawal and then her subsequent withdrawal for us to realize we have to do this and do it together.

I need help losing those DJs and being more open and honest.

I was trying to do this strategy to overcome dishonesty worksheet from the 5 Steps to Romantic Love worksheet. Some of the questions stump me. Here is what happened on Monday:

Our cat has been banished to the study, utilty and playroom because she started peeing on the leather couches in the living room. ( Yes, we've taken her to the vet and tried numerous things.) He had said previously that if peed on the couch in the playroom we would have to get rid of her. And no one would take her because she also bites. So apparantly she was mad at us for leaving her over Thanksgiving and so on Monday morning she peed on the couch in the playroom. My daughter saw her and we quickly cleaned it up and pledged to tell no one else. ( Yes, wrong, I know... But I hate to see a cat get put to sleep It is my daughter's cat but actually loves me. She has never bitten me, only everyone else.)

Well, it was my turn to take the girls to orchestra and I was gone when he got home. His chair was blocked by ornament boxes so he sat in that spot. He smelled it. So he said almost as soon as I walked in the door, "We have a problem." ( My son had warned me that the cat had peed again when I first walked in. As I said, the boys didn't know either.)
I told him I know. That we had tried to clean it up. Then I said, "What do you want to do?" in a disappointed voice. He stalked to the study. "Whatever you want to do. Whatever I say now I will be the bad guy. Our daughter will hate me for killing the cat." To which she cries and says she won't hate him. Then he turned to me and said, " Were you not going to tell me about this?" To which I nodded no. That was the extent of our fight. He was angry and he had a right to be. He slept about as far from me in the bed as you can.

The next morning we decided I would call the vet and find out what our options were. He apologized for getting angry. But to me, he had a right to be angry. He didn�t yell when he said the things above. But you could tell he was furious. He was also furious because he had sat there and now his clothes smelled like it. ( I couldn�t smell it, but his nose is much more sensitive.)

So I�m trying to do the worksheet on this event. Describe what conditions trigger it. Ok, a pet or a kid does something that I know my husband may not like. I don�t want him to be upset nor do I wish for the person/pet to get in trouble.

It then asks what conditions could I avoid� I can�t. I can�t control these people/pets nor the standards my husband has. So I�m not sure what changes I could make other than to just tell him. So I�m not sure what my plan could include�

Second example I talked about earlier: So I was all excited about our date Tuesday afternoon. We had thought dinner and a movie but after seeing the plugged in review of Flight decided that wasn't a good option. So I suggested a picnic lunch at a local park. So he spent the morning picking up the medical supplies for his mission trip and we met at the park.... To which we ate lunch and walked around the park. Then he hurried home so he could cut down the tree and get the hay from a neighbors before it got dark.... I got less than an hour.

I was so upset but I wasn�t honest. He still doesn�t know I was upset about that. I still haven�t told him I was on the radio show. I have made a cd of the show for him to listen to in his car, but can�t find the words or the best time.

So the conditions that trigger my dishonesty: I don�t want to upset my husband. I don�t want to make him feel bad. I don�t want to ruin his day. I didn�t tell him I was upset about the date because he was leaving on his mission trip and I didn�t want for him to be upset about all this on his trip as they had enough logistics and things with the mission trip itself to worry about. ( The head doctor ended up having to leave, so he was in charge.) Now it seems so long ago, why bother..

What could the changes be: for me not to worry about it and just tell the truth but I don�t know how to change the way I feel. I don�t know how NOT to worry about it. Instead I�ve just had imaginary conversations in my head all the time.

I honestly think he asked me out because of the fight. He has apologized about 6 times for getting angry. But seriously, I wrote down above the exact wording/extent of the fight. He had a right to be mad for my not telling him. And he wasn�t disrespectful.

So I�m just not sure what to put in for my plan�

tired,

You and him need to POJA the cat situation. He realizes he's alone in his decision on what to do so he just tells you to do what you want. The hardest part of POJA is finding the win/win especially when it comes to sensitive matters like these. All the more reason to continue to have conversations/brainstorming sessions until you find the agreement.

You've already realized your mistake in the dishonesty so I won't comment on that.

The trip. That's easy. You have to be very specific on how you want your needs met. I had a hard time putting down a number on paper for my wife when it came to my #1 EN knowing she has never been able to fulfill my number. But you have to. You have to be that honest. The I'd love it if statements are the perfect way to give him directions. �I would love it if you would plan a picnic once a month where it is just you and I for at least X hours and we only talk about topics that are of interest to both of us.�.
There is no need to tell him you didn�t enjoy the date. Instead give direction for what you�d like to see go forward. Eliminate mentioning anything negative. Positive statements only. If he asks tell him what parts you liked. Not what you didn�t. �I loved it when you �.�. That way you�re being honest and positive at the same time.

I hate to give away trade secrets of the male gender � but we�re really clueless when it comes to what women want. So tell us please.
I was amazed at how easy it was to fill my wife�s IWLIIs(I would love it if(s)) once she communicated them.
�Text me once a day to ask how I�m doing.�.
Really? That�s it?
�Yep.�
So the hugs and the pecks on the cheek?
�Do �em if you�d like but I would just like that text�.
Consider it done.

Actually that has already been done when I called the vet. He suggested that one option could be to make her an outside cat. Now she doesn't have outside claws, but anyone who takes her will be doing that anyway. So we will bring her in at night and gradually get her used to being in the garage or outside during the day. Yes, she could run off or get injured but that seems to be the solution we could all live with when we had a family meeting about the issue.

But yes, that is one thing I think I have realized that I don't tell him things because I don't agree with them or think they are unreasonable or think sometimes kids are kids. Yes, he kept his furniture pristine as a kid and always put everything back where he found it, and had his clothes neatly hung up, but most boys are not like that!!!! ( He has either mellowed or given up on that. What really helped was when a pastor gave a sermon about how how a child keeps his room doesn't really matter nearly as much as the qualities of compassion for others or respectfulness to elders. And to me, I don't tolerate disrespect but a messy room is ok. If it were up to me, I would only clean the house when we had company. That is why we trash the house when he is out of town, eat junk food and then clean everything back up when dad is home.

But he thinks we POJA well because he brings thing like today he called to check when a partner wanted to switch call days. I always check his call schedule, he checks with me about major purchases, etc. It is the things like what I mentioned above that he wouldn't even think of POJA because that is the way they ought to be. The house should be clean, things should be put up when you get them out, etc. But for those of us that are free spirits, it isn't quite that easy. I can be looking through cookbooks and a child will call and so I leave them because I'm not done and never get back to them. (But I need to make the menus, so I've left them out..) He is right. It would be better and easier. That said, I have kept our closet and room immaculate since August. His only comment when I asked him if he noticed was.." Yes, the bruises have just about healed from my tripping over your stuff in the closet." Hee Hee.... Sigh..that has taken inordinate amount of effort on my part to keep our room clean. But to him, it should have been that way all along.

That's because you haven't discussed your agreement or lack thereof on the subject with him isn't it? I mean the phrase means "joint agreement". Unless you voice your thoughts he's going to assume you have an agreement. And until he hears otherwise he probably doesn�t care if it's one you like or not.

There's beauty in the statement "I'm not enthusiastic about that. Can we discuss trying something else?".

I�m not entirely sure I�m on the mark but I get hints of judgments in your statements about what he feels he needs to be happy and the way he wishes to live. Hard to judge the context of what you�re saying though. Maybe you�re just explaining the facts. But �
�But for those of us that are free spirits� �.. hmmmm. Wanting a clean home means he�s less of a free spirit? I'm not sure there's an official definition of what it means to be a free spirit but please be careful how you think of him. Disrespectful judgments are the ones that exist in our heads. It doesn�t matter if they�re communicated to him or not.

�But yes, that is one thing I think I have realized that I don't tell him things because I don't agree with them or think they are unreasonable or think sometimes kids are kids. Yes, he kept his furniture pristine as a kid and always put everything back where he found it, and had his clothes neatly hung up, but most boys are not like that!!!!� But he is and wants that for his children. Who gets to decide what they�re taught in the household? There are no wrongs and no rights. Just what works and doesn�t work for you two. POJA.

When you say �If it were up to me� � well � to some extent it is up to you� just not you entirely. You have the choice to negotiate anything and everything � radical honesty. It isn�t that the house should be clean � it�s that he appreciates a clean home. There�s a difference in the way that�s said. I mean does he really say in a sort of demanding way �The house should be clean!�. If so then you could politely say �I would love it if you could simply state you like it when the house is clean.� or etc. If you aren�t enthusiastic about the house cleaning then this is something you should probably be discussing with him.

"or think they are unreasonable� Melody already mentioned sacrifice earlier.

He doesn't really say the house should be clean more like, " Honey, if we kept the drawers closed then food wouldn't get in them. " So I then went through and took everything out of all the drawers, wiped them out so that he would be happy.

He needs for things to be organized and clean to feel in control and not stressed. He sighes as he looks around is just irratable, etc I think that was the other part of the cat problem is that the playroom was a disaster. BUT we had gotten back from his parents the night before and then he had gotten all of our boxes down for our Christmas decorations and we started decorating. So I spent that Monday and got all the suitcases unpacked, all the laundry done, our room and bathroom was deep cleaned and decorated, the living room was deep cleaned and decorated and I homeschooled our daughter. So that is all I had time to do. The playroom was full of empty boxes that needed to be put back in the attic and ones we haven't gotten to yeat and ornaments we were halfway through putting up. But there is just one of me and I think he knew that and so he didn't complain and knows he doesn' t have a right to complain, but it gets on his nerves because his mom kept their house as neat as a pin.

He's really been trying and doesn't complain because he knows it isn't practical, but I know it still bothers him. He is just so much happier when everything is clean and organized. When I heard that call from the man who complained about his messy wife, that really hit home with me. Which is why I have made it a priority this fall to keep our room, bathroom and kitchen and living room spotless. The playroom is just a lot harder because that is where we live and do school and I am constatly battling papers, schoolbooks, projects, etc in that room.

I did ask him when we talked about his emotional need for domestic support what would make him happy and he said for the kitchen to be clean and no crumbs and the kids not to have left stuff out and the playroom to be at a reasonable level. I've succeeded at the kitchen, but the playroom is still a work in progress.

I guess I feel the weight of unspoken expectations if that makes sense. He never says it, but I know I'm nowhere near his mom's standard.

Just be careful you're not sacrificing to fill his need. If there simply isn't enough time in the day to get things done and he wants them done then you have to negotiate a way for them to get done. Which means he may need to pitch in or take over other responsibilities to free you up to do those.

My W works about 30 hours outside the home and does most of the kid pick ups and drop offs. I work around 50-55 hours which includes travel time. If that helps give you reference to your sich. In our home my W and I split the duties pretty evenly.

I am a bit like your H. I grew up in a home where a lot wasn't left laying around albeit we lived in a small humble home and didn�t have a lot. My W grew up in a home where a lot was saved. To this day I can walk into my MILs and see items gathered around that seem to have little purpose � at least to me. For instance, newspapers stacked up a foot higher or more on a chair or stool that are at least a month old. You�d think the recycling would have a place somewhere out of sight. Some of those habits she grew up with are habits she brought with her. Her and I have had several discussions about our comfort levels of the home. What is interesting is that she doesn�t really like the clutter or an unclean home either � so lately she�s been cleaning and organizing like crazy. My IWLII was that we work together to schedule a half hour a week to clean and organize areas that are above and beyond the everyday stuff. She�s spent probably 10 or 12 in the last week organizing and throwing out items not needed without my involvement. She�s made me very happy and she says she feels great for doing it.

The one comment in defense of our need for cleanliness that I will mention is this. For me I like stuff to stay clean and organized. It gives me a sense that I am trying to maintain and prolong our home. For instance if we don�t vacuum regularly and shampoo the carpet where the golden retriever lies then the carpet gets wrecked. The oils from the dog and the dirt (and yuck other things that stick to her) end up getting ground down into the carpet. If we walk on that carpet it breaks down the fabric even more because of what we�ve all left behind. In our home that area of carpet is now beyond repair. It can no longer be cleaned enough. Her and I are discussing replacing it� with wood flooring so she can lay on a rug . To sum it up it�s more than just the visual effect that �s important it�s being diligent in protecting and extending the life of the investment. It feels like the responsible thing to do. Your comment about free spirit sort of struck a chord with me. It felt judgmental.

But back to your comments � in the end just be careful you�re not overdoing it in a sacrificial way. If something feels unreasonable to you � then it is unreasonable. So that�s when PORH and POJA are crucial.

I'm so incredibly sad...

I found a video we made on the 2nd anniversary of our blind date. I rented a video camera for the weekend. I slept at his apartment ( on the couch) and we went bowling and to a local lake we loved. We were engaged at the time. It was about 4 months before we got married. Oh my goodness, how much has changed....

During the entire video my husband is saying, "Isn't she gorgeous? Isn't she terrific." He can't keep his hands off of me. I can definitely see where he met my top admiration need big time. We were constantly kissing and stuff. My middle son couldn't stomach more than a few minutes and said it was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen and that he didn't want to see his parents acting like that.. That statement made me so incredibly sad......

The other thing is how much we have changed or haven't changed. I had the 80's big hair thing going. However, other than having straight hair, I don't look that different. I asked my middle son who will tell me anything honestly and could care less if he hurts my feelings. He is constantly telling me how ancient I am. But he said that other than some deep indention around my mouth like Obama( ???) I basically look the same. However, my husband was 6 foot and 165-170 pounds and looked like a kid. I didn't realize how much he had aged.. I think he is more handsome now, but now his hair is all gray. He weighs between 150-155 pounds and his face has worry lines everywhere. I don't know if you've ever noticed how a president looks before they enter office and after they have served, but it is that same look of intense stress.

So what do I want. I want for him to look at me that way again and laugh that way again. I mean it is like he doesn't even see me. I can walk naked through a room and he doesn't even notice. I get in bed naked and he is asleep in 30 seconds...


So according to Mr. Alias I need to say, " I would love it if..." Sigh I would love it if you would see me, come up behind me and seduce me, gosh fill in the blank. I don't want to be something you check off your list that you have fuflilled... If I give him a specific list, that is all it would be..

Oh well, can't be in my mid twenties again again..

pop quiz TW:
What Lovebuster would that be?
opt

A demand?? I'm not sure. Which is why I don't ever say any of these things out loud. Only here.

I won't ask him to pitch in. When he gets home at 7, I want him with me not cleaning. Also, when he does this is what he does: uses toothpicks to go around the edges, wipes down all the front of the cabinets, takes apart the stove, etc We aren't talking a superficial clean.

And oh yes, the being a good steward speech so things last longer. Yes, I know. And that is what is so dang frustrating and why I don't argue. he is right. Of course. He always is. ( I'm not being sarcastic. The way he wants to do things is the way my mom wanted me to do things and the "right" way to do things.) I just wish I could go escape to a one bedroom house all by myself so I only have to do what I want to do.

Sigh.. He's on call this weekend. My assignment today is for me to get the garage cleaned out, so I'm off to put things in the attic, put up the outside decorations on the fence, etc. I've already found the battery receipt for the tractor so he can return it. I'm really tired since his phone went off half the night from the hospital.. He got to stay home last evening and last night, but is off doing surgeries that came in last night. We'll see if we see him today.

The thing is I can't win.. For instance, this morning before he left he was getting out his insulated mug to put his hot chocolate into it. He had left it in pieces in the sink. ( Probably to make sure that I would take it apart to clean it.) I washed it and put it back...minus one piece. It was a piece that I didn't even know came out... "Oh, yes, I always take that piece out. " After searching we found it in the trash. Now he smiled the whole time and was very nice. Yet the message is still clear.. I don't do it right. And so I learn this one and now I know all 5 pieces to take apart to wash and I get this done "correctly." But then it will just be something else. I can't keep up and I'm not that detailed.

Since August I have: Cleaned out the craft closet ( the one you see on tv shows where things fall out on you.) I did that first and it is still completely organized and clean. I completely cleaned and organized the coat closet including the box of piano music. It looks awesome. I've been keeping the living room pretty much spotless. I make sure to put up my daughter's school work at the end of every day so it looks neat.

The dining room is normally my work area but now in the last few weeks it is neat and clean and only has 2 little piles on it ( quiet time and current work)

I've kept the kitchen reasonably neat. The other thing I did in August is that I went through every single drawer in my room and everything is neatly folded and organized, so is my bedside table. So is everything in the bathroom. I mentioned the closet before and I have KEPT IT IMMACULATE since August.

I clean his desk and organize it every Friday afternoon, often finding papers of his that have gotten lost/buried over the week.

And what I have I gotten for all of this??????? Nothing.

Oh yeah.. I got down my 27 boxes of books from the attic. They are now in containers and organized according to time period or subject. ( Most of them are homeschool books that I will reuse with my daughter.) I brought 4 boxes of stuff to my homeschool group and gave away and gave 4 boxes away to the library. I still have one box of books to sell when I go to the town an hour away that sells my consignment books. I also organized about half of our toys that were up there. And when he got down the Christmas decoration his only comment was "You have been working up here..."

What about THanks honey..the house looks great. Wow. I know this isn't your favortie thing to do, but I appreciate it.

Or I've lost 17 pounds... He told me I looked good the first few weeks we started all of this, but now nothing and my body is really starting to look good. Instead of those cotton panties and bras, I bought some nice, sexy ones and some new lingerie.. I wore the new stuff after my date, and he said absolutely nothing....nothing..... I am a size 4/6 again now...

I know I'm not pretty. I never will be. I'm not sure why he thought I was when we dated. I was born with a cleft palate, cleft lip and deviated septum... Yes, they were fixed, but I still have scars and my face just isn't quite normal.... But I try, I really do and I couldn't believe he thought I was pretty then, but now I guess he sees the truth...

Sigh.. I've hung up the 4 giant wreaths and the garlands around the entrance. I'm off to wrap the entrance poles and put the giant ornaments on our big sage bushes... Not that he will say thank you for any of this either.

Well, garage is done, though I doubt to his standards. If he gets home, he can have the boys redo it if he wishes. ( take everything out, sweep out the edges and wash it out) The cat is out there now. I've done a couple of loads of laundry and swept and mopped the wood floors. Since the dishwasher is now broken, we did all of our dishes by hand as well.

I am so incredibly bored... Well, let us see. I guess I can work on finances ( which is the only thing I hate doing more than housework) or start cleaning and organizing the playroom/schoolroom ( the only room inside the house that is left).

I just want to get out of this house so incredibly badly. I want to talk to adults!!! Our homeschool stuff ended in November, so I am currently talking to adults on Wednesday nights and Sunday morning. My daughter is sick, so I guess I won't get out tomorrow.. I AM SO BORED AND LONELY!!!

Can you go for a walk?

Just entered a few things into money. Hubby called: finished 2 surgeries and seeing 2 more consults before he has 2 more.. HE sounds so tired. I'm so selfish when he is working so hard.. I've decided to go do some Christmas shopping. I made some posters for him that have pictures from his mission trips along with Bible verses ( with the help of Shutterfly). They look great and I need to buy frames for them. I will also look for the new Tim Hawkins video for the kids. He asked if I would get a decorative outside set for around the windmill we built, so I'll look for that as well. I was just sitting around her in the off chance he might be home, but he'll be out for 5 or more hours at least... Sorry. I have no right to be mad. I guess I just woke up in a bad mood. I miss having friends..

Another DJ.
TW, I'm not trying to pick on you or be the DJ police. But I ruined my marriage with these (and my ex was an expert as well)...among other bad habits obviously.

You can't put thoughts into people's heads. It's damaging to YOU and your relationships with them. It shuts out the possibility of having a dialogue about something...like the orderliness of the garage.

Maybe you are expecting him to come home and notice, but when he doesn't you will be mad. (I know the pattern well).
INstead, let him know what you did and you'd like a little positive reinforcement, and if he doesn't react the right way, just talk about your feelings in a factual way. kwim?

Give others the opportunity to actually give their true sentiments. It's only fair.

--sorry if you already know all this, I don't always have time to review entire threads before I butt in with my opinion. hopefully it's helpful to hear it again.

opt

So disrespectful judgements are what you think??? I always thought they were just what I said. Because once again, I would just smile and say, "Yes, dear.." I never say any of these things. But I can tell you that especially early in our marriage nearly 100 percent of our fights were over the house or in that case the apartment. And though he has gotten mellower, the comment about his standards is this: When we do things as a family, that is how we do them. When he has the boys do it and he is home, he has them take everything out. They must use the small broom on the edges and the big broom for the middle. Then they must wash it out. A few things of dust on the edges don't bother me. And to be honest, right now it probably won't bother my husband either. There can be days when he doesn't notice and just goes with the flow and it doesn't seem to bother him. But other days when it makes him go ballistic. Ok, that is a strong word but heavy sighs trying to control his words and talking about how if you don't take care of things they don't last as long etc.

So even though it has been a pattern, I should not even think it????? After 22 years, I know what he thinks/believes about things..

Well, he got home about 8:30 last night and fixed himself a plate and joined me and our daughter watching the end of Home Alone. We then went to bed. I put in my contacts ( I wear them at night and take them off during the day and I see perfectly. I LOVE it.) I guess I left the sink plugged and so my husband went to let it out.. "Your sink doesn't drain right, does it." Sleepily, I said "I don't know." Turns out it was plugged up with all sorts of stuff. So he spends 20 minutes and then happlily comes to bed, "Your sink is fixed."

He then gets on his phone trying to figure out how to fix our dishwasher. He gets a hospital call in the middle of this somewhere but just has them work her up for this morning. He already took it apart yesterday and got some gunk out, but that didn't fix it. So he has determined it is either the control panel or the heating elements. So he decides I will need to call a repair guy in the morning, since he isn't sure he can handle that.

I didn't sleep well. I got up around midnight and went to the playroom. Finally went back to our bed at 4 only to find that he is up peering into our dishwasher. "Good morning. I found out a way to test the heating element to find out if it is working so I'll take it apart this afternoon to test it." He gets ready to go and as we are leaving in the playroom he glances over at the area by the Christmas tree "Oh, you got that all organized." "Yes, last week the day after you mentioned it bothered you." He smiles and nods approvingly. We enter the garage.. "Oh,, the boys didn't sweep up here." "No, they just swept the middle section." A disappointed "Oh" ( Can I just say that I told you so Optimism!) But then he smiles and we walk on to the truck. I pray for him and his day as usual and then he reminds me that we need to pick out shingles today. He has samples, he just has to put them on the roof so we can pick out which color we want. Our roof is 20 years old and thankfully someone else will be doing that.

My guess is that he will ask the boys if sometime this afternoon in between their ball games if they would please do the garage properly.

He just can't stand things being out of place. Summer before last we had a HUGE home remodel. We gutted our kitchen, half bath, master bathroom and enlarged the entrance to the dining area and area between the breakfast room and living room. He gave our contractor lists every day of things he had seen that needed to be fixed. He was always sweet about it. He and the contractor have a good relationship and ended up playing practical jokes on each other. We had a star put in the middle of the cabinet over the stove. The contractor looked at me and grinned. He moved it a millimeter off. He said, "How long do you think it will be till >>>>> notices?" I told him less than a minute. When he got home that day he talked to me and we walked into the kitchen and he didn't even pause in the conversation as he went over to fix the star. Less than 30 seconds to notice it. I don't know that I would have ever noticed it.

He's left to go do a couple of surgeries and then come home. He is only on call for his office today and not the hospital, so it should be mainly phone calls today. What a fun afternoon of chores ahead of us. The good news is that my daughter is fine. I guess she just got car sick or nervous about her performance yesterday, so I get to go to church. HOORAY.. People!!

I just reread the disrespectful judgment section and it is only spoken aloud. My husband would take the questionnaire and say I never try to correct him and never say my opion is right. I know that his way is better. I mean, yes the garage looks better his way. So I just smile and go along. I'm just tired, tired of working. tired of projects. I know that my way isn't right and life isn't about having fun anyway... It is about serving God to the best of your ability. So for now it is being a good wife and smiling. Serving him unto the Lord. I'm just tired.

And this is why a one bedroom apartment looks absolutely fabulous to me. I just contact the management and they fix it. I can keep that reasonably clean. I can go serve the world and God instead of spending time on chores. No child would need me... Or I can take a nap which sounds really good right now. Better get ready for church.