My husband is having affair and insists he doesn't love me anymore.She's his colleague and he refuses to leave the job.
He is treating me as if I am the one to blame, like his arch enemy.I did not response to his rants and walked away.
He doesn't want to salvage the marriage and insisted our two girls (3 years old and 1.5 years old)will not be affected after our divorce as he still loves them.
What should I do?

Welcome to Marriage Builders, dduchess. I'm sorry for your situation, but you've come to the right place.

I would suggest you expose his affair to their co-workers as well as both of your families and friends. Have you read about exposure on this site?

Is this woman married? Do you know who she is? Is your Wayward Husband still living at home?

Don't tell your WH about this site right now. This is your safe place.

Our families knew about it.
He's not talking to his parents anymore and vice versa.
They were very disappointed with him.

She's separated from her husband.
Yes, I've seen her before they got together.
Did warn him before to be careful.

Yes, we are living together but not talking.
He usually rants at me when kids aren't around.
I'm tired of arguing and simply walk away.

Hi duchess, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that bring you here. You are in the right place. Please go read the exposure thread that is linked in my signature and then come back and lets talk.

I've read it.

His sis had wrote (anonymously) to his bosses yesterday and there doesn't seem to be any updates.
His parents had called up her husband,and was told by his parents that they had separated.
I think his parents are planning to go to the woman's parents.

I'm so depressed being treated so badly like as if I'm at fault, whereas he ever so nice to that woman and waiting up for her texts everyday.

That will just be dismissed. Anonymous "exposures" typically go into the trash. I would write them a formal letter as described in my thread and send it with your signature and phone #.

Did you read my thread yet?

Yes, but I'm not comfortable to expose them myself, somehow.

Welcome dduchess, I am sorry for the pain that brings you MB.

I know how painful it is to be on the receiving end of WH. It is NOT your fault. Unfortunately they all follow a wayward script and the faithfull loving spouse is treated poorly whilst the AP is idolised.

Waywards all rewrite the history of their marriage and denigrate their spouse in an attempt to justify the A. The will look for anything no matter how little as an excuse ... although there is never any excuse for an A. Waywards are often angry partly because of their guilt (although they wan't acknowwledge it) and partly to provoke you into responding so they can "prove" in their mind you are the bad guy.

Melodylane is right you need to expose and not anonymously as this has no impact, it's not credible if no one is willing to put their name to it. Exposure is the best way to kill an A and may provide you with support. It's also important to get the truth out there as your WH will put a spin on the situation. The more people know the more people there are to hold him accountable.

Its great you have family willing to contact OW's parents.

We can all relate to how you feel, exposure is counter intuitive and we want to protect our spouses and family. By allowing any fear or discomfort to stand in the way you are enabling the A. The longer A is allowed to progress without any interference the harder it is to stop as the A becomes more entrenched.... I know I found this forum 5 months after WH left home (2days after DDay)

When you start to expose you will feel empowered because you have taken a stand for your marriage and children. You are doing everything you can to fight for your marriage. Dr. Harley has spoken about the benefits of exposure (after waywards come out of the fog) as helping marital recovery. If for whatever reason you do not recover your marriage you will know you tried everything.

It's also important to get the truth out there, this will help when WH spouts his excuses and denigrates you to others

Some of his close friends knew, but nothing was done.

He's not even bothered with his strained relationship with his parents due to the affair. He used to be close to them.

Yes, but I'm not comfortable to expose them myself, somehow.

It will be necessary for you to leave your "comfort" zone in this, DD. If he can put up an "I don't need anyone" front, and she has no problem doing the same to her family, then your only remaining hope to break up the rutting couple is through the fact that their superiors at their place of employment will view this affair as negatively affecting their business environment.

Stop imagining that your sister, or we out here, can effect changes that are only yours to bring about. Listen to Mel, open the link she suggested, edit the model letter for your situation, and send it out. You can do that by TODAY, and will have started taking action to recover your marriage.

This is an action-biased site, my friend. Wistfully "wishing" for something to happen is no part of the MB Program.

I'm kind of lost in some of the pronouns. Did your husband tell you, that his parents told him, that they had talked to OWs husband? Is this the sequence of events telling you that OW and OW's Husband are separated?

If your husband is so planning to divorce you and go to her, and if she is separated, why is he waiting for text messages all the time rather than hanging out with her?

I think you need to talk to OW's husband yourself as part of the exposure you need to do. Do it today. Don't wait.

dduchess. We all understand this. You are afraid that exposing will only push them closer together. The problem is that they are already close together and if you do not do something then you will be sharing your children with this POSOW when your WH leaves you.

Exposure is about asking for support in getting your WH and POSOW to end their hurtful choices. It is not vindictive or spiteful but a call for help. Exposure is your strongest weapon in bursting their little fantasy and killing the affair.

Think about having to share your innocent children with this woman for the rest of your life. Then get your exposure plan together and EXPOSE. The workplace and OW parents are great exposure targets. Expose to the OW parents yourself and let them know that you have two heartbroken children at home.

Be strong. You can do this. Sitting back looks like you don't care.

That's ok, no one is "comfortable" doing it. But the goal here is to save your marriage, not be "comfortable." You won't be too comfortable if you lose your marriage because you didn't do anything t save it.

GoingUpHill:

Like said earlier, my parents in law called up the OW's place, wanting to speak to her husband.His parents picked up the line and told PILs that they had separated for a year plus, and both seldom returned home.They gave OW's maternal address (where's she currently staying at) to my PILs.

WH doesn't speak to his parents anymore.PILs told me, as we are on talking terms.They'll call and speak to me,and I meet them too.

WH seldom goes out (if no work) if the kids are around. At times when the kids are away, he'll go out.With whom, I didn't probe (It might not be the truth anyway.Or I'm going to invite another sarcastic reply)


The rest:

Thanks for the advice.

Is it fine if I call his boss instead if emailing?

My worry is, I might be the one causing him to lose the job. Being said, how are we going to rebuild the marriage if things are this sour?

Duchess, please make a formal exposure at his work. If he loses his job it will be because of his affair. He has to leave that job anyway because you can't save your marriage if he works with the OW. But you need to do a comprehensive exposure and follow the instructions on my thread. A trickle exposure isn't going to be too helpful.

Is it fine if I call his boss instead if emailing?

No. Phone calls, especially one-on-one chats, are not worth the paper they're (not) printed on.

You want documented proof of your contact with his employer. To gain that, not only are you going to send written communication to his manager/boss/superior, you are going to send it to that person's superior, as well as to the head of the Human Resources department of the organization.

This is not the time to be modest, shy, and/or withdrawn, DD. Think of yourself of an enraged wildcat, protecting her den, not a kitten mewing over another nudging her aside from her milk.

This woman is trying to take your life from you. She will, if you don't fight, have access to your children, at least part of the time. She will have access to your spouse's earnings, and his presence. These are things that rightfully should accrue to DD, not some round-heeled, easy-open slut.

Now, does that start up your "exposure engine"?

YOU will not be causing him to lose his job....HE is. He is the one conducting himself in an unethical manner. It is HIS actions that would cause it, not yours.

You cannot be so passive if you want to save your family.
Its time to be a WARRIOR.

POSOW who have separated from their own BH think they have nothing to lose in their pursuit of a married man. That is until exposure hits them and they have to face the reality of what they are doing to another person's family and explain themselves to their peers.

Duchess, you need to make this skanks life a living hell. Find her Facebook account and expose to all her friends. Pay a personal visit to her home.