Is your H still at the same workplace?

Thank you Brain.

Ok so:
Schedule the test
Then write the questions
Give him an opportunity to review the questions
Take the test

Now from what I've read - most people get all their truth in the days leading to the polygraph. How do you handle that part? I'm supposed to try to not get angry, right?

Lets assume I find out the EA went full PA - how do I prepare myself to best handle that or how am I supposed to handle that? I don't know how badly I will flip out... and for how long after...

Susie - Yes.

Hi Pieces,

I have not read all or your posts but I see you are scheduling a poly. Do you have all your questions together?

I have had my FWH take 2, and both times he disclosed indiscretions the day of or day before. Waywards want to stay out of trouble as long as possible.

Most poly examiners allow only 4-5 questions. The examiner will go over the questions before the test. He will give the wayward time to explain and come clean.

There was one poster on here that did something really clever. She had a list of 20-25 questions (or however many you want). She had the examiner go over all of them. Then, when the test was officially started the only question she had was "Did you answer the 25 questions honestly?" She was able to cover all questions she had. I thought it was billiant!

Your WH should know the qestions in advance and be able to discuss the answers with you. Of course you will be mad when he comes clean with more dirt, but full disclosure is the only starting point!

I wish you well!

I posted those examples that Lgtex1 mentioned on the polygraph thread.

Pieces,
If he is working at the same job, isn't this where OW is at? Everytime he sees or has contact with her is like reigniting the affair.

BH, your so smart...I wish to one day be that computer saavy!

Haha it's that Engineer in me.

You could add your experience(s) to the polygraph thread if you'd like? You probably have the most experience with giving 2 to your FWH.

Here if you'd like.
Polygraph Testing

Sorry..."TJ"

I will do that in the next day or two. Thank you for adding the link, otherwise I would have never found it! I'm "forum-ly inept"

end of "TJ".

Thanks.

Bh, same company (huge) different Towns as of July (wh changed buildings) and
Completely different departments. I also work in the same company, butrsame dept as wh so it gives me the ability to keep a very close eye on him... Closet than any other working environment that I have been able to come up with.

Do you have access to his work email? How about calls to his work phone?

Work emails yes, work phone no... I've been working on that. We just got new phone systems.

Question about the poly... he's of course being resistant. Says it's "humiliating" and he's not willing to risk our marriage on something that can have a false positive.

I know, I know - this all screams to me that he's still hiding stuff and/or lying.

Any suggested reply to that false positive BS?

"We'll handle it if it's a false positive, but your reluctance to take the test is not making me feel good about staying married to you. I need you to take this test."

The reason that I asked you if he still works there where OW still works, where the affair started and grew -- in theory he would still be wayward because he is still getting cracks off the crack pipe by the triggers/indirect contact alone, never mind that you can never be 100% sure that they aren't still talking thru the phones.

So, yes, I doubt he will agree to a poly while he is still there. And if he does, he will probably fail and then gaslight you. That's why I would put my focus on getting him out of there, then do the poly...

The way that you have started this recovery is very rocky, POM -- he should have agreed to a NC plan that included leaving the workplace, taking a poly and all the other conditions that you would have had, then you work on recovery. I think you are going to have a tough time getting him to agree to anything, sorry to say...

Yes, I agree Susie... a very rocky start. There's a lot of shoulda-coulda-wouldas for me right now. I know I made alot of mistakes.

I need to move forward though. One way or the other. As it is you can tell I am barely motivated to work on this anymore... that's partly why I hardly post. But I'm trying to read alot and gain some insight.

Thank you Northwood! I said just that: "your reluctance to take the test at all tells me a lot already. I guess I have my answers." As much as I meant it, as serious as I was, it didn't seem to get through...

Assuming that he's on the "ignore it and it'll go away" train, you'll have to draw a line in the sand at some point. Just make sure that you are prepared to follow through.

If and when I do draw the line, I'm prepared to follow through but the question I'm working on right now is whether now is the time for working on laying out all the EPs or to declare an ultimatum when really there is zero evidence of any break of NC at the moment...would that be a big LB? He seems to really be trying. For example, all I need to do is casually mention that something bothers me and he immediately remedies it. Case in point: I recently mentioned that he no longer cooks for us whereas he used to, very often. I indicated that I felt like he had an affair, and in response I corrected everything about myself that he didn't like... So it was like a reward for his affair. In return, he can't do one simple thing for me like read SAA. That weekend he took care everything, not just the full dinner, but the kids and all...

Take note though, that his priority was NOT to read the book, instead it was to address the other issue.

Like I said, I've made a lot mistakes in this process, especially since abandoning the MB principles. My AOs were frequent and quite damaging. Not blaming myself but giving you a picture of where we were these past few months. I even sprinkled a bit of 180 in there...

can anyone recommend some ideas for monitoring an office landline? The only thing I've come up with at the moment is to have all his calls bounced through my phone first for screening, which is doable, but I am still on maternity leave for a few more months. Also, he could always just go to another phone in the building if he really wanted to... Is that making it difficult enough? (I would gauge that it's no less difficult than him borrowing a friends cell phone to call her quickly but also no easier, if you understand what I mean).

Can you request a phone list from your IT for his extension?

It's not an LB to tell him that this, this and this are the conditions under which you'll stay married to him.

If his "trying" is doing something like cooking but not doing something to make you feel safe in the marriage (like a polygraph), then that's a bit of a difference, wouldn't you say? That's not to say throw in the towel, but being a little more insistent may get things moving quicker.

No suggestions on the corporate phone other than what BH suggested--contacting the IT group and seeing if they'll help you out.

Why don't you focus on the polygraph before you deal with the phones?
My wife bought a phone at Walmart and they are VERY cheap affair phone plans offered there.