Thanks for sharing Cara. As always you handled your hurdles with grace.

I'm so glad you're traveling again.

That is awesome Cara,

O M G. indie's response was very restrained compared to mine, which is unprintable here. truly unbelievable.

cara, i am so glad to hear about your trip and the time you had and how you worked against the triggers. i hope that you will post one of your photos so we can see one of your sunsets!

i hope your house is coming along and that you can move in soon. you must be so excited!

as for the other thing - that's why you have a lawyer. let them handle it and earn their money. gollum has his "ring;" he can go whistle in the dark. or a fiery pit. whatever. it is november tomorrow. i am counting the days with you.

as for you: you go, girl!

This sounds like a lawyer inspired diversion.

I doubt highly that he or horse ho wants anything to do with these things...except maybe to sell them.

Their next move will be to give on these if you give up some money.

It's all a diversion caracal.

To be honest Indie, it was a learning curve for me. Despite it all, I tend to want to give others the benefit of the doubt. However, I now want actions and evidence to back it up, and am much more aware of red flags.

Around my mother and I, he and his "travel companion" were "just friends". He was in his 40's, she in her 70's. Initially I bought into it.

However, his "friend" was very quick to tell me and my mother all about his "evil" ex and mother of his child who always wanted money from him. My mother was quick to tell me about this, and I just said, you can't always trust what you hear. Imagine what Gollum and Horse Ho say about me. That gave my mother reason to pause.

I have to admit it though... he met some EN's. He was attractive, sounded very successful, and was keen to continue travelling. He sat at my table more often then not, acted like a gentleman by pouring my tea or beer, and was just attentive. I tended to steer well clear of him when I could, although interestingly I was always very aware of where he was. EN starved

I can see how weak boundaries lead to more EN's being met; others in our tour were talking about relationships and I commented not to involve me as I was cynical... he quickly commented, you and I both. In a group it is easier to deal with this, I turned to another companion and changed the conversation.

On the final night, he escorted his friend up to their room, and quickly returned to the bar where it was just my mother and I. I quickly said we were tired and left.

This man was likely not interested in me in the slightest other than a fellow traveller. Regardless, I am not ready to get involved, and certainly not with someone going through what to me are huge red flags. So I tended to avoid him whilst being very aware of him.

Interestingly, two female travel companions caught up with us in Hong Kong. They had a very different version of the relationship, as the 70+ woman had indicated she was out to have "fun" since her husband had passed away, and the casual fling was working for her. His ex was apparently very unhappy with their relationship and the child was being "turned against him".

It all sounded a bit too familiar to me.

Geez, I love MB wisdom and comments.

Letty, I have no doubt my internal response to Gollum could have outdone yours. I text a friend when I got it... her response was "if you could charge him with dumba55 tax, you'd be rich". It's these comments that make me laugh out loud that help put things in perspective.

I have learned a lot though. I could immediately see that Gollum is now using an innocent child as a scapegoat, an excuse to hide from being accountable. I have no doubt he would justify his not paying me my share as due to considering the best interests of his child. Never mind that he has waited for the birth to use it as a tool to manipulate the settlement to his own advantage.

This poor child. The lessons it will learn. Imagine when things go south between his parents.

PF... thanks. I had not thought of this. And I can see it could be a diversion.

I emailed my solicitor today and expect to speak to her tomorrow. I really want this settlement over with when the divorce comes through. I want total freedom from him. Divorce is not what I chose, but given who he is, this is what I want.

As for my house, the walls are painted, the doors are on, the kitchen cabinets are in. Things are moving along well.

And I got the permanent job. Yay.

No. You know.

Pouring your drinks, alone gives him away. One thing my friends have made me more aware of since being single is not to accept any drinks I haven't seen prepared myself and not to leave my drink unattended. The most common thing to spike a drink with is more alcohol - which is completely untraceable of course

I feel like I have spidey senses these days.

I agree with being careful as a single woman. As for this guy, he was also pouring others drinks at the table, not just mine. IMO, he was suffering from KISA syndrome... hence the older woman whose husband has died.

I don't want my hurt and healing meeting someone's ENs... It astounds me that so many turn to the KISA for a bandaid.

quote: My life is good. I am slowly refinding who I was and uniting that with the new me.

This is awesome Cara. You have grown from this traumatic experience and have handled yourself with dignity. You can hold your head high knowing that you have not only valued your M but respected your vows.

I'm sorry you received the papers on your anniversary, waywards certainly don't think about the impact of their actions.

I can understand the triggers whilst travelling, hopefully this will lessen as you travel ... the world's your oyster. It's good your travelling again and enjoying photography.

It won't be long before you move into your new home ... lots of fun decorating!

Thanks happy.

Solicitor appointment sometime this week or early next, she wants to meet in person after my last correspondance. I keep wondering if pursuing this is worth it... I want an end to having toxic Gollum in my life, even if it is only through a solicitor. But I keep thinking of my rights... and that standing up for what is right is the right thing to do for myself, my marriage, and who H was. I don't want to cave just because it is the easier way.

I had a visit with the site supervisor at my house today. VERY exciting news... there is a (small) possibility I could be in by Christmas!

I am so behind with everything since China, so I left work early to rush around to curtain places and security door makers. This is so much fun!

WOW that is awesome news, that would be fantastic to be in your new home for Christmas .... fingers crossed.

I can understand how you feel Cara, I too have thought that particularly when Isildur & PEGI were damaging my relationship with DD. The legal battle is difficult not just because of dealing with wayward mentality but it disrupts the peace of Plan B as we learn of their activities etc.

Hang in there, stay strong, we all need to hold the course and fight for our rights, no matter how entitled our waywards are nor how little they feel we are entitled to. You can do this, you have come so far already.

Grats

Yay! So exciting about your house! And it's good to see your perspective on Gollum and distance from his choices and issues.

Still trying to keep my boundaries high...

I put on a pretty summer dress for Melbourne Cup this week, and had a BBQ with family and friends. My dad commented on how nice I looked, bless him, he is a man of few words.

My brother said that one of his friends had told him to tell me "how you doing?" Joey style. Yep, apparently I should be flattered he uses my brother to sound me out. Not that I should be suprised, this is the guy who was sort of sending out signals at my aunt's funeral whilst his 20-year-old girlfriend was in the ladies. Anyway, he has now broken up with her, just near the 2-year mark (not that this was an A, but I found the timing interesting). Apparently, the great sex was not worth the age difference. He claims she was too insecure and pushing him to have a baby with her after knowing him for a few months.

My brother commented that you would have to be crazy to want to have a kid with someone so young and that you are just getting to know. I laughed, and he got the joke.

Anyway, now this friend is scouting for someone closer to his own age.

I told my brother I didn't think he was my type even when I am ready to date, and he agreed. He said he wouldn't want to see me with this guy. I had been planning on going around to my brother's that afternoon, but my brother warned me that this friend would be visiting... I passed and said another time.

Still, I know the interest in me was already meeting an EN, and I would prefer to avoid the chance for EN deposits until the D is final, especially with someone so not MB material (oh, and I had been drinking some sparkly, so definitely not good for keeping my boundaries high!)

I am keen to date when the D comes through though. I am actually looking forward to it, even if I am terrified at the same time. Recently, the men I meet have shown weak morals / boundaries and this gives me moments of thinking I will stay single forever. I know that this is not all men though and I'm fortunate that I have some good examples in my life.

Meanwhile, I'll just keep healing.

Its funny but these guys are everywhere before you get divorced. Not so much afterwards. They want to be rebound man. They don't want you to heal

Well, I'll be glad to be rid of them; other then empty flattery, they offer nothing but potential heartache.

Hey, how about an update of your thread post-D?

in your house by xmas - that's great news! fingers crossed here, too.

glad things are falling into place, cara. you will have to blog your dating experiences, lol, for the rest of us!

pix of the house some day? and what about china?

Yes! Yes!

So glad to hear about your house news. Mama bear's always watching(although, I still wanna be a big sis, not a mama )

I had a fab day today... one of those days in Plan B where I kept thinking to myself... wow! I just felt so lucky and grateful. The sunshine may have helped too, as well as a very understanding supervisor who keeps letting me pop out regarding house matters... she commented that I have such integrity and she has noticed I always make the time up. It was nice to hear this.

I think I have finally found a curtain man who understood me... champagne tastes on a beer budget . This is my third measuring up with different companies, as I just didn't have faith in the others recommendations. This company seem great, really explaining my options in the salesroom, and the measurer was actually making suggestions to fit my budget and tastes. So hopefully his quote will come in somewhere near my budget. I hope so... he has given me hope I can have those plantation shutters in my "boudoir" and the bathrooms by cutting costs elsewhere.

The tiles are laid (grout to be done), the concreter is boxing the drive and a second alfresco area I wanted done, the lights, fans, heating / cooling are complete, cabinets and shelving are in... it is starting to look like a home I have also been negotiating for extra work with the contractors... something in the past I always thought H was better at. My father accompanied me with the concreter, and stepped back when I started bargaining. We both agreed the final price was very fair.

Job security, a home on the way (along with some independence from the parents!), wonderful family and friends I am proud to know.

Besides boring people with house talk, I hope this post encourages anyone hesitant on entering Plan B, or in the early stages of it... I do not regret it, and I shudder to think where I would have ended up if I didn't. I have survived and am well on my way to thriving.