Me 38, Her 38, DD 3.
Married 2 yrs, divorced, but we never stopped dating. The reasons our marriage got in trouble are many, but the biggest reason we got divorced is my MIL. She is a domineering bully of a woman that controls her whole family through fear and intimidation. Eventually, when my daughter was born I had enough and started standing up to her. That was the beginning of the end.
As of last thursday the plan was to get remarried and move back in together as a family in January. The next day I found out that she has been sleeping with another man. When I found out, I screamed at her, swore at her, said nasty things to her, etc...but never laid a finger on her. She didn't want to be held accountable for her actions, and she took out a restraining order on me, and they
gave it to her, one year; this despite no evidence, and no witnesses.
That is where we are right now (that is the cliff notes version).

Welcome to MB.

So you can't see her for a year? Are you asking on what to do to stay away from her?

What visitation do you have of your DD3?

It's a little more complicated than just staying away from her for a year:

When she filed the initial RO, my mom and I showed up in court the following Tuesday. She showed up with her Mom. (important note: I had already exposed the A to my parents and her mother, I didn't bother even trying her father because he is just under the thumb of her mother) Her Mom said to us "we don't want to go through with this, we want to talk this out."

So we all went to my Mom's house to talk. The conversation went very badly. My XW started with a bunch of BS threats and accusations. I took most of them with the aim of establishing the truth. I said, "Can we at least agree that as of last Thursday, you and I were a couple planning to get remarried and move in together, and that you have been cheating on me." Her Mother absolutely flipped, started screaming at the top of her lungs at me that she didn't cheat, we were never together, we'll never be together, etc...my wife joined in as well. My Mom and I kicked them out of the house.

At that point we were planning on getting a lawyer and going after full custody of my daughter, because these people are not stable. But her mother has told me mother she wants to talk to get the RO dropped, she doesn't want all of the skeletons in her families closet coming out.

PS I have NO legal visiation of my daughter (long long story). BUT I do have a solid solid history of visitation 3x week over the past 2years, sometimes more. I have many people in my church, work, community, etc that would testify on my behalf.

Did she cheat on you when you were actually married?

Are you still going for full custody?

You need to talk to a lawyer

What are you seeking help with? What is your question?

I'd like to get my family back if at all possible. If not possible, I'd like to at least try. My XW and MIL, I believe, wants to drop the RO. My Mother is to talk to xMIL next week. I am also to see my daughter this weekend.

I have several options as I see it:

1. Tell my mother to delay the conversation with XMIL.
2. Tell my mother to inform XMIL that any conversation/negotiation has to start with an acknowledgment that my XW and I were a couple planning to be remarried and move back in together as a family, and that she cheated.
3. Tell my mother to negotiate with XMIL without any conditions.

An important fact that I left out is that up to this point, I have been financially supporting my X independent of child support. She also worked for my mother, which ended when the A came out. She'll never be able to surive the loss of income this A has created. I don't believe her new bf will be able to support her.

Already on the agenda. But I'd still like to fight for my family while I still have it in me.

How would you like us to help you?

Some advice on how to at least try to get my wife back...
starting with how I handle this meeting between my mother and MIL in one of my above referenced posts.

Your priority should be to get the RO taken care of and custody of your DD3.

Have you been tested for STDs? You were probably sleeping with your XW while she was sleeping with Other men?

Please share a brief verson of why you have no visitation.

The day my divorce hearing was scheduled, my car broke down. Believe it or not, the judge refused to continue the case (or even let me show up late) and granted the divorce, giving my XW everything she asked for. It's almost too outrageous to be true.

Do you have any history of domestic violence?

If you want to win your wife back you need to eliminate all Love Busters and enter into "Plan A".

I don't understand how she is cheating on you if you are divorced. Basically she has a boyfriend.

No history of domestic violence.

You don't understand how she is cheating? Are you serious? Did you read my first post? As of last thursday, we were together...you know, sleeping together, going out to dinner, spending every weekend together, talking on the phone, AND planning on being remarried soon AND planning on moving back in together in January.

But you aren't married sir.

Her boyfriend could say that you are the one cheating with her.

Marriage is an investment. I would not marry her until she showed she wants to be married. Right now she is showing that she doesn't want to be around you and got a restraining order.

You have to look at her actions, not her plans.

According to MB, the way to win your wife back would be to avoid Love Busters and enter into plan A.

You said you don't see how she cheated. Surely you can't say that 2 people have to be married in order for there to be cheating..
Forgive me as this is the exact same nonsense my MIL spewed at me.

We were together, she cheated. Maybe we are not together now, though she has not specifically told me that. I guess I'll look at Plan A

After reading a lot of this material (and unfortunately believing it), I don't see much hope outside of a miracle from God. I am NOT the type of guy that is going to try and meet someone's emotional needs while they are sleeping with someone else, especially considering the deception and cruelty involved...I am glad this has worked for others, but that is just not for me and I'm certain of that. At this point, and there is no nice way to say this, her actions and recent behaviour make me sick.
And there is no way in the world I would take her back after 6 months of her being engaged in a passionate affair. A couple weeks- maybe, maybe at best I'll do a 40 day fast and give her until the end of that to come to her senses, but any more than that and I'm done for good.

The thing is, in my case, I am pretty sure she will try to come back at some point, I just don't know when. I think maybe I'll try and show her a way back if that RO gets dropped, and she either takes it in my time frame or she doesn't. It shouldn't take long for all of the consequences of her actions to come down upon her like a crushing weight, so I guess I have that going for me.

Sir she isn't in an affair.
Unless the man she is sleeping with is married. In that case, you need to call his wife.

She is simply moving on to a different relationship. Her actions show that she doesn't want to be commited.

I think you should reconsider financially supporting her

If you read Plan A and try to meet her emotional needs and avoid love busters like disrespectful judgements and angry outbursts you could probably win her back. You have a lead on the other guy because you were married to her and know her better.