Not even a little bit.

I think you must be reading the wrong forum. Sure I have seen some misguided folks give excuses for wayward behavior, but it is usually quickly nipped in the bud. If you see someone doing that, then say something rather than making an inappropriate wholesale indictment of the entire forum. Good grief...

But don't think for a minute that their relationship is over, or that she will ever be really sorry for what she did...
Dr. Harley

Like I said earlier, you must be reading the wrong forum..

So you are denying that Dr. Harley said that?

Nope. Not at all.

Still waiting to see those "excuses.."

But don't think for a minute that their relationship is over, or that she will ever be really sorry for what she did...

And you construe that as excusing her behavior? With all due respect, my friend, your ongoing problem seems to be that you think that the world will align with what you think is proper, just BECAUSE you think it's proper.

- You got royally screwed by not investing enough in your situation previously to hire a lawyer, who could have buffered your absence at court. The judge stuck it to you, since Skanky was there and you were not, so it's the system's fault.

- You still haven't hired a lawyer, and go blithely forward believing your innate goodness will win your case. Hint: It's not any more likely to turn out that way this time than last time!

- You receive a Cautionary statement about how badly Skanky is likely to behave, and consider it a "pardon" for that behavior. No, my friend, being forewarned about an opponent's underhanded actions is not the same as SANCTIONING them.

You don't think that the quote I provided, coupled with the stated/restated purpose and suggestion of this forum (to reconcile marriages suffering from infidelity), infers an excuse to not hold wayward spouses accountable? If that is the case- WOW.

No it does not. And what do you mean by "hold them accountable?" Be specific please. I read in your first post that she took an RO out on you because you were trying to hold her accountable:


How exactly were you trying to hold her "accountable?"

Wilderness, you come across as an angry and combative. Yes, I understand you have just been incredibly hurt and assaulted by your ex.

While anger is normal, it doesn't fix anything. The only thing you have control over is you. Only you can improve your situation. Anger is only going to make it impossible to get custody.

We're her to help you focus your energy, but we can't control you .

You are looking for help in controlling your ex, nobody can.

No judge is going to hand you custody if you say you were going to remarry the evil wayward. The judge will hand custody to the parent with internal locust of control and shows him he's been taking parenting classes, and fixing his side of the fence.

Waywards don't like it very much here, only Former WWs.

wilderness, one of the reasons you might think that Dr Harley makes excuses for waywards is because you haven't read enough and don't have an appropriate context. You are just seeing a very small snippet of his comments but not enough to have a proper context. It is like people who cherry pick scriptures to take the message completely out of context. [a popular tactic is to tell people the Bible says not to judge by taking Matthew 7:1 out of context]

Believe me, he does not think there are any excuses for affairs. He does not believe that betrayed spouses should give forgiveness. He recommends that waywards provide just compensation to the BS.

As far as wayward wives, it is just a true fact that they are usually not sorry. That doesn't preclude recovery, because a successful recovery is based on ACTIONS, not feelings.

Check this out: Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

What's the point, then? If these women are truly that rotten, why even bother?

Lol. The question of the ages

Wilderness, you sound SO completely anger and bitter. Whether or not you reconcile (And Dr. Harley says if the betrayed spouse wishes to divorce, then he won't fault them for that! They have a right to choose that option.) or get a divorce, you need to find a way to make peace. The bitterness and anger will destroy you. It will eat you alive. I'm sorry, I don't remember how long it has been and it may be too recent and you may be in the anger stage. However, at some point, you must get past that for your own mental health.

Want to know how to heap burning coals on your ex? Should have the approach like your the good catch ... like your james bond ... calm .. cool collective. Anger and reacting to it does nothing ... only fuels the fire even more.

Who said they were "rotten?" A rotten person is an active cheater. If a person makes amends and gives their victims just compensation, then how can they be rotten?

Someone that has an affair and doesn't feel bad about it as a rotten as they come There is no such thing as making amends if one cannot even feel bad for something so terrible. Besides, a lot of these WS on this forum are still engaged in affairs, anyway. Rotten.

Amends are made via ACTIONS, not feelings. Talk is cheap. And no, the WS here are not engaged in affairs.