Previously, I have posted several topics about me cheating on my wife.

My wife actually employed a private investigator to follow me and discovered my affair with my 6months mistress.

Initially, my wife still wants to give me chance, but I chose to move out with mistress for 2weeks. Wife discovered from private investigator with photo and video evidence.

Now wife wants divorce, she is very firm with it.. Her heart has hardened.. That's when I totally wake up... I want my wife back... I stayed home and we are still sleeping on the same bed and still in talking terms.

Wife wishes me all the best with my mistress, but now... I actually badly want my wife back and totally no intention to stick with my mistress.

I actually beg my wife to give me a second chance.. But she said no.. She has given up hope on me.

The divorce letter is going to be out in 2days time, she expects me to sign without drama, she is not going to claim alimony and only expect me to pay our daughter her monthly living expense which I am okay with it...

Now the thing is... I really want my wife back... I did some soul searching.. Deep in me, I love my wife a lot a lot... I am prepared to give up my mistress (which is maybe too late now)...

I am in a desperate situation and I can't eat sleep well for the past 4days... Non stop thinking about my wife..

Is there any idea to get my wife back?? She is not seeing anyone now..

Or shall I give up?? And start a new life with mistress??

**I know I deserve all these [censored].. I am the one causing all this and karma has already got back to me..***
I really want to change my ways and be a good dad and husband.. I swear!!

The situation is quite desperate an I am a new member.. Sorry if I post a similar question as the time is very short and I need serious advices fast.

Additional point, my wife said the divorce will be good for me and her.. And she said we can still hang out as friends and go out with daughter in the future

More info:-
We have a 4 year old daughter.
This is not a messy situation as we are still in talking terms (except we are not talking about romance)

Is there hope?? She keep re assure me that the divorce decision is final.

She has adultery evidences, so i am legally binded by law to sign the divorce letter.

**edit**

Some other forums I posted today... Pardon me for posting so much at a go

DJ,

Tell your BW, EVERYTHING, yes EVERYTHING including prior affairs do not hold back ANYTHING. Dishonesty got you into this hole honesty is the only way out.

Also don't lie about ANYTHING, there are no more "white lies", if you spent $10,000 on a vacation for your mistress get it out now. If you betrayed a business partner let your wife know, you have to make it impossible for you to lead a secret 2nd life ever again.

God Bless
Gamma

She has every right to seek a divorce. You completely violated your vows with your affair. I would not aggravate her further. Sign the papers and move out.

I see that you are still debating whether or not to even give up the mistress. It sounds like you only will do so if your wife chooses to take you back. That indicates to her (and everyone else) that you are not actually remorseful about what you have done. Your first step is to dump your mistress today and to admit it was wrong - whether or not your wife chooses to take you back. But your wife is not a fool sir, if you are willing to stick with the mistress even if the wife does not return, then why should she believe your sincerity? Have you heard the saying that someone is only sorry they got caught...?

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Have you posted before to the Marriage Builders site? If so, under what name?

Have you read anything on this site? Are you familiar with the MB principles about how to create romantic love?

According to Dr Harley, founder of Marriage Builders, having an affair is the most painful experience that can be inflicting in marriage. You have damaged your wife's lovebank and it is very possible and likely you will never be able to recover your marriage because of that.

If you have ANY chance, you must follow the recovery process without fail. Start by ordering the book Surviving An Affair and reading it cover to cover. It is a blueprint for how to successfully recover a marriage after an affair.

Before you get the book, I will tell you that you must have NO CONTACT with your affair partner. None. Zippo. If you have any chance in hxll of your wife coming back to you, the AP must be completely and totally out of your life. And you need to prove to your wife that you are serious about keeping it that way.

There are links on this website to No Contact letters which you can write and mail to your AP (and give a copy to your wife). Change your phone number, email address, etc. Change any form of communication you used to be in contact with your AP, making it IMPOSSIBLE for her to contact you. Give your BW all of your passwords and information so that she can be assured that you are no longer in contact with your AP. She may not want them, she may say she doesn't care, but do it anyway.

While you are waiting for the SAA book, read everything you can on this site. Read Dr Harley's principles about how to build and maintain romantic love in a marriage. Read about the Love Bank, EN's, and lovebusters. Read everything you can about infidelity, I would suggest reading some threads from those who have been betrayed so you can see what you have put your wife through! Start doing what we call "Plan A" which is to fill all of your wife's EN's and avoid lovebusters, whenever you are around her.

Sounds like she is DONE. Affairs are horrible and extremely painful events, and if she has chosen to be done with this marriage after the pain you have put her through, she has every right to chose that. But educating yourself on the steps it will take to be a better man, whether that results in winning her back or not, can never be time ill spent.

Sir when you choose to commit adultery you are choosing the consequences of adultery, including divorce.

I suggest you politely sign the divorce letter.
End your adulterous affair.
And read about Plan A. Since your wife is open to being friends you may be able to eventually win her back if you change and behave in a more Cariing way. It may take a few years.

FYI if you start a new life with your mistress, your chance of success is VERY VERY LOW. Very low. You are starting a new life that began with deceit. What you know about your mistress (and what she knows about you) is that she has very low morals, will lie to get what she wants, and is not afraid to harm innocent bystanders to fulfill her own selfish agenda. What kind of 'new life' do you think this will be?

Also, life with a mistress is not REAL life, it is FANTASY life. The secrets and mystery, the excitement of doing something that is wrong, that all goes away when you live together full time bad habits and all. Now all of a sudden you see her many, many, MANY flaws and it ain't so much fun anymore!

Good luck with that buddy!

DJ, welcome to Marriage Builders. What you did to your wife was totally selfish and if you get divorced you deserve it. That said, if you are repentant of your adultery you can learn to be a better man for your wife .. or possibly someone new in the future.

YOu sir, have a TON of work to do. I suggest you get reading some of the stuff here, choke down your pride and listen to what the people who are giving you honest feed back have to say.

Many of the people here are betrayed spouses so they may lash at you until you prove to them that you are actually wanting to change your ways as you put it. Be honest .. and answer their questions. Buy the book "Surviving an affair" heck .. get two copies and send one to your wife. While your at it maybe send your wife here too so we can hear her side of what happened.. tell her you really want to change and you found a place that might be able to change and fix what was wrong in your marriage in the first place that lead to what happened.

End your affair... regardless if your marriage makes it or not. You will be a better man if you do.

MNG

p.s. Stick around, it will be good for you. Read and ask questions and give honest answers to everyones questions of you.

This just means that he wants his wife to be one of his options. He wants both options. The fact that you would even consider pursuing your affair - as an option - indicates your wife is right to pursue a divorce.

This is a serious place for serious people seeking real help for real problems. You sound like a child having his toy taken away.

You have destroyed an innocent person. You never mentioned your wife's feelings at all. And, you want someone here to tell you if you should stay or go. I say go and go fast before you do anymore damage to your wife. Walk out backwards while begging her someday to forgive you.

And, then, go to the piece of a-- you felt necessary to cheat on your wife with and start the clock until she throws you out.

There's better guessers than I on this board, but I say 3 months and you are gone. No wife and no side action.

There are many cheaters who come here looking for advice. Most have hat in hand and on their knees looking for a miracle. Find one of their threads and read how someone with real remorse feels.

Wow! That is so generous of you.

have you given a single thought to how your WIFE has felt for the last 6 MONTHS??

You want your BW in front of you when you get on the phone and call the OW requesting NC, no contact for life.

Before you make the call have the NC letter ready. It will be a short to the point cold letter stating that your affair with the OW was wrong. You are sorry for the pain you caused your BW. You are only going to work on repairing the damage you have done to your BW. That you will not contact OW ever again and won't no contact from the OW by any means.

Have the letter signed, envelop stamped and address after you make the phone call to the OW you hand this over to your BW for her to read an approval.

Then you get your coat and BW and drive BW to the mail box at the post office.

Then get the phone no on this site to set up a counsel session.

On the ride to the PO call MB to set up a counsel session with the Harley's.

Your BW and you will get a half hour each. They are the best and tell your BW that you both need professional help to move pass this.

This is your only chance.

However I think you will fail because you have not dumped your OW and does not appear that you will do these things.

I am firm, I have just politely told OW that we can't do this anymore and let's break up. She cried and said ok

I am determined to get my wife back, any advices??

Divorce letter up tomorrow

Let me get this straight. You said this morning you really wanted your wife back with all your heart and you JUST NOW broke up with the hoe?

I guess I was more right than I knew, that you didn't necessarily want your wife, you just wanted her to be an "option."

How in the world did you expect your wife to take you seriously when you were still contacting skanky?

Out of respect for your wife, you should sign the divorce letter.
Then read about plan A. And do it for up to 2 years.
You may be able to win her back.
But you have no grounds to fight the divorce letter.

Any advices?

Their are a lot of better writers here then me.

I'm the only one that laid out steps to follow. Saving a marriage is not a pick and chose only what you like.

You did not call in front of your BW.

You did not have the NC to hand over to your BW for her approval.

You did not bring your BW to mail the NC letter.

Only thing you can do is to hand her the NC letter NOW!!!!!!!

Before BW hands you the divorce letter tommorow.

Tell her about MB and Dr Harley's books, Surviving An Affair.

You don't do all of these things you won't get anyone else to help you here.

You come across as one wanting to do damage control instead of doing the work to change yourself into an honorable man

It's amazing how people posted a lot of suggestions to you and you ignored them and continued to ask "any advice?" What's the point of posting advice to you if you ignore it and keep asking again?

You are too lazy to get your wife back.