Neak,

My response as far as I did nothing wrong was legally. Their is nothing that would warrant an order of protection.

Morally yes I have invaded RQ space before and not granted her wish for privacy and space.

I understand why she got the order of protection and why she thought it was necessary.

KISS

But there has to be some cause for a judge to issue an order.
They don't just hand them out like candy.
Either your wife lied or there was a legitimate reason why the judge issued that order

They don't just hand them out like candy.

Yes, they do, in NY. Without having knowledge about the Kiss/RQ case, it is not a surprise here that "justice" need not to have been a consideration in this matter. As soon as the first judge and law enforcement department got broasted by the femi-nazis in this state for not IMMEDIATELY and UNCRITICALLY responding to a female request for protection, that ultimately went bad, they FALL ALL OVER each other in their zeal to comply with any such request. One denied, subsequently abused female requester trumps thousands of innocent males, in spite of the tissue of Constitutional guarantees of due process. The OOP is put in force, and the respondent has to fight to get what never need have been established removed.

The palpably inadequate details in the complaint that led to my being OOP'd, and the mindless, knee-jerk disposition by the judge in my case has led several lawyers to have suggested I initiate a suit of legal/judicial misconduct. I chose not to 1) to spare having my bride have to testify in open court about the events of d-night, and 2) such suit would have to have pursued in federal court, and I'd remain in the visibility of the LEPs I was suing during the loooong path to resolution.

It's my opinion that we should feel shame for what we've done. It's also my opinion that we should feel guilt.


As a process we feel shame, which leads to guilt, which allows us to acknowledge the harm we've done. This acknowledgement leads us to regretting our actions and taking the steps necessary to undo the damage.


You are on the front end of this process, right now guilt is normally what you should be feeling. My hope for you would be to use the guilt to lead you to a remorseful spirit rather than feeling hate. Remorse comes from a real awareness of taking full responsibility for acting in a harmful way towards your wife and family. Remorse will direct you to take positive steps to do away with your thoughtless actions that may cause harm.





This is because you're focused on your own shame and disgrace.


You shared you've been known to be full of yourself (egotistical), right? Well this disgrace is still all about how your adultery is affecting YOU..... Basically it's still an ego problem for you. Can you see this?


When you let go of your egotistical, character defects, your self anger will subside.

Who cares??

In this situation (RQ's), which is all I'm interested in, justice was served!

Hi kiss. I am glad to see you posting. The employees at stores right now are exhausted. I am exhausted just trying to shop at them!!!

It is unfortunate that RQ felt she had to file an order of protection to get relief from your pressuring her and so she could have the space she needed to heal. What you want, how you want it, what you need should never be forced on her over what she wants and needs for her own life. I really hope you see that the way you pressurred and controlled her prevented her from being able to live an authentic, secure life based on her own control. That alone, without the cheating and lying, eventually will ruin a relationship.

Have you ever asked yourself why what you want and need is more important than what she wants and needs? You aren't the only one in the relationship, so what about her needs? Why weren't RQ's needs ever important to you? Why did you give yourself permission to lie or cheat?

Who is supposed to help her, do for her, meet her needs if you are only concerned with yours? Just an aside, women give everything they have to their spouses, children, taking care of the home, etc. We are the ones taking care of everyone else. We need our spouses to see our efforts and sacrifices, value them and love us enough to give us the love, care and protection that we need to shore us back up. It takes everything I have to run around every day doing everything that is expected of me. You are supposed to be her rock, give her strength and security. Instead you created quicksand under her and keep her mentally bouncing off the walls b/c she doesn't feel safe, can't find peace, can't rest her heart anywhere b/c she is fearful of your decsions and what the next thing you are going to do to hurt her is. People can't live like that. We try, but it destroys us.

I know you have feelings, but this really isn't about your feelings anymore. Your "feelings" destroyed your marriage. This is about RQ's and your children's feelings. It is about action, complete honesty, compensation, changing, doing the right things by others. It is also about RQ getting herself healthy and whole so she can live a happy life and so she can be the mom your children need. You either build-up and make stronger those who allow you in their lives, or you tear them down and make them weaker. If you can't let the ego and fears go, be honest, real and faithful, then it would be best for RQ to stay away from you.

If those "feelings" above are based on fears, like I wrote to you before, sometimes it is a choice to let those go too. Fears are really irrational. We make them bigger than they are, and they destroy who we can be. Having fears does not justify the choices you have made in your life, and do not justify the decisions you have made that have affected RQ, your marriage and your family. If you let your fears dictate how you cope with something (which usually isn't coping, but avoidance), you get what you got.

Keep working on yourself kiss.

Who cares??

Well, someone who has interest in accuracy in all matters affecting marital issues, whether or not they immediately work toward the group goal, would care. It was put there as clarification for JK, not for advocacy of Kiss's situation.

So, your dismissive attack on my post is unnecessary, and probably against the TOS of this site.

What say ye, Mods?

Let's get back on track with this thread. Telling a wayward he has been wronged doesn't help him resolve his marriage problems. If you want to discuss the legal rights of waywards, please start a thread in the OT forum.

Thank you, Fireproof

I'm glad you thought so. Apparently it wasn't a good enough question to answer, though.

She wanted away from you, and you would not stay away. That is a very good reason for an order of protection.

Since you disagree, that's why I would advise RocketQueen to run and run fast from you.

This summer when I had an angry outburst at my wife, she asked me to leave. I left. I was in the wrong, so I respected her request. It was as simple as that. I spent some time living at a crappy Super 8. After awhile she let me come back on the condition that I not subject her to angry outbursts any more. I'm fortunate to live with my wife, and I understand that I'm only entitled to do so as long as I protect her from my own angry outbursts.

Dr. Harley approved of Prisca asking me to leave, by the way. She did the right thing.

When you're wrong and your wife asks you to leave, you leave. At least, that's what you do if you want to do the right thing. You do not demand to stay, nor argue with whatever steps she takes to put you out. If she changes the locks or puts your stuff out in the rain you don't dicker about whether what she did was legal or had just cause or not. Of course she had just cause! You were wrong and your wife asked you to leave. Be grateful she was able to use the law to do the right thing for your marriage, since you weren't willing to do the right thing on your own.

I noticed this too, and agree it is an excellant question.

It seems kiss only answers questions that suit his agenda.

So... bump!

Markos,

I have no idea. I guess I would continue to work on myself. I don't think I could move on to anyone else. I think it would be a long time before I thought about anything like that. I would probably just focus on my kids and work on getting my career back on track.

KISS

Neak,

I don't see the benefit in another polygraph test. Everything that RQ wanted to know she now knows. I have given her all the details that she was looking for and the ones I was scared to tell her.

KISS

HPB,

I do understand that it an egotistical thing and that I need to let it go. I am focused on RQ and to see her pain that she suffers because of me is very tough. On today's radio show Dr. Harley spoke about our #1 job as husbands is to protect our wives. Make sure that she doesn't get hurt especially by us. I thought I would never do anything like this as I'm just disappointed in myself. I promised RQ our entire marriage I would never be capable of cheating on her.

The radio show today Dr. Harley did say that he thought that some people are wired for having affairs. He said then he said he learned that we are all capable of having an affair both men and woman. So the more I work through marriage builders it does help hearing about others that have walked in our shoes and made the same mistakes. They have been able to change and grow into great husbands. They have been able to support their betrayed spouses through recovery.

KISS

LittleBit3,

You wrote about how the woman sacrifice and how the husbands are supposed to be their rocks and strength. On today's MB Radio program Dr. Harley talked about how the husbands #1 JOB is to protect the wife. Make sure that nothing hurts them. Anything that comes between them will wreck the marriage. I agree with this 100 percent. She needs to be the focus 24/7.

I don't believe that my needs are more important then RQ's. Her needs are to be top priority. No matter how much I want to do something or need something it has to be thought of how does this effect RQ. Every decision needs to be made with her in mind.

I try to put fear aside on every decision I make. Fear has caused so much damage already in our recovery. The fear of hurting RQ, the fear of losing RQ, the fear of looking like a piece of crap. Fear has no benefit to it. Fear needs to be set aside and definitely can't be a motivator.

KISS

KISS

The issue that showed you as still being deceptive...that is what I would like to see you resolve.

Wow, you sure have been busy lately. Too busy to post? Why?

Isn't that one of the things RQ asked of you? And haven't you said you're willing to do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she has asked?

Then where are you?

His wife emailed the show today. Saying he was disrespectful and pressuring for recovery. No need to post if he has contact with her, classic take me back ill say whatever you want then go back doing the same thing. I could be mistaken the email was about a caller named Jay.

Wasn't that the same name used with an earlier call to the show he made?

Yes and I'm pretty sure it was RQ's question. I will post it as soon as it's loaded in the archives.