This is going to be long. Sorry in advance but I need help!

Here goes.... About 2 1/2 months ago my husband stared having and an emotional and sexual affair with a woman that he met on an online dating site. I just recently found out.

It started by him receiving a text on his phone one night while he was asleep. I checked his phone and proceeded to let this woman know that he was married and to not contact him again. I confronted him about it and he seemed very apoligetic and promised that nothing like that would ever happen again. That was over two months ago.

Then he started working later than normal. He would have overnight pours (he's in construction) that he would not get paid for and would blame it on his boss. He would keep his phone locked to his side at all times and leave the room to use it. One night about a month ago he was at a "pour". He texted me to let me know he was on his way home at like 1am. 3hrs past after that and he wouldn't answer his phone. I was worried and suspicious at the same time so I looked through our computer history and found the dating site. He uses the same password for everything and had saved his login info. I went onto his profile and found pages and pages of them messaging eachother. He told her he loved her. He asked her to marry him. She thought she was pregnant. They talked about their future. At that moment my life shattered around me.

I messaged her again to let her know all about me and she said he had been with her that night. A few minutes later he walked in the door and I confronted him once again. He cried and told me she meant nothing to him and that he was not willing to lose his family over her. He promised once again that he would have no further contact with her.

The next week he asked me if he could go out with the guys from work for a going away party. I could not contact him at aall that evening so I checked our checking account to see how much damage he was doing only to find a charge for Days Inn. He didn't get home til 4am. He said that two of the guys got bad drunk and he put them up in a room. He made me feel awful for accusing him of taking her there. The next night she texted his phone and I asked her and she told le exactly where they had been and that he had told her that he had left me.

Since then I don't know if they have seen eachother but I know they have spoken maybe even on a daily basis. I have begged and pleaded for him to stop all contact with her. He swears to me that he has but I have gotten into a horrible habit of checking his phone and she called him yesterday. He answered. I confronted him about it and he said she was just widshing him a happy Thanksgiving and that its the first time he has been in contact with her in over a week and again swore that it was over between them and that I don't have to worry about her ever again.

I don't know how to trust him. I don't know how to make her go away. I am going insane. Its the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before crying myself tonsleep every night. We have been married for 7 years and have two amazing children. Our daughter is only 6mths old. I love this man more than my own life. I can not walk away from him. I know this sounds nuts after everything I just said but he is my best friend. He is an amazing husband, father, and provider. Our sex life is amazing. We spend all of our time together. That's why it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around how and why this happened. He says that he was just messing around on the site and got wrapped up and developed feelings for her. But that he knows he doesn't love her and that he still loves me as much as the day we got married and can't lose his family. Then why can't he stop himself from contacting her???

This is destroying me. This has changed me. I don't know how to get past this. I want to save my marriage but I am so lost. I have no fight left in me. I need someone to come and rewind my life to 4 months ago. I need my husband back. I need my life back. I need my marriage back. I need my self back. I don't know how to cope. I don't know how to ever trust again.....

Welcome to MB and sorry for what has brought you here.

What do you know about this OW? Is she married?

Dr. Harley has the best program out there to help a marriage survive and thrive after an affair.

You must follow it for it to work. Your WH has very poor boundaries.

His affair must be exposed. Does the OW have a facebook? Find out and copy and save all her friend's information.

Please read this and come back and have a plan.
Exposure 101

She is not married and I can not for the life of me find a Facebook page foe her. I have spent days looking for one. I do however have her work address and home address.

Welcome Brandyt to MB, I am sorry for the pain that has brought you here. You will find advice, encourgagement and support from fellow MBers.

Unfortunately as you will learn reading articles on this website and other threads, A are an addiction and WS will do anything to get their "fix" This is why he cannot stop contacting OW. Everytime he sees her or receives communication from her he will be triggered and want to see her.

If you look in the notable posts forum you will find many useful threads particularly "Thread for Newly Betrayed Spouses" by Scotland.

MB will help your personal recovery and is the best chance for marital recovery.

No one here will think you are nuts for loving your H or wanting to save your marriage... we have all walked in your shoes and understand how you feel.

Brandyt you've probably already tried this ... does WH have FB she may be listed as one of his friends.

He's way to smart to have her as a DB friend.

I have started reading the links you all have given me. Thank you. But I have gone about so much all wrong already! !

Have you tried running a background report on her so you can find out relative information?

Can you get anymore information on her from the dating site?

Did you read the exposure thread?

Also read this.
A Thread to Help Newly Betrayed Spouses

Thank you! Yes I just read both of them. I have already exposes him but want very badly to expose her as well. She is actually terrified that I will and which keeps saying. Just leave her alone. She doesn't matter anymore.she is our of our life now.

Don't worry about that. That's what we are here for.

Can you afford a PI?

Here to help you know how to act why you are trying to get the goods on this OW.
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

I know her full name, where she works, what she does for a living. That she is a single mom Ans lives with her mother and maybe a sister.

Expose on the OW's side. Try and find her parents and siblings and any friends.

Where does she work?

No and there isn't really any way I could pay for anything without him knowing but the same goes roe him. We keep very close track of our money. I am a stay at home mom and his paycheck is our only sourse of income. We do nor do anything without each other shopping or spending wise. We don't even leave the house without eachother. The only time he is away from me is when he is at "work".

This is wonderful.

Expose to her mother and sister. Does her sister have a facebook?

She is a medical case manager for a Dr office.

I think her sister has one but I am uncertain if the page I found is really her or not.

Ok so when can you get your exposure letters off?

You should expose to your WH's family and some friends and the OW's family.

I will have to wait til Monday so as not to tip off my husband. Like I said, we stick to eachother like flue in our free time. That's why this IA all so insane to me. I don't understand why or how this happened!

Sorry auto correct on my phone.

Oh just thought of something! Can you look up people on Facebook by their email?

It happened because your WH did not protect his lovebank from others making deposits and he has no boundaries.

Will you be able to Plan A the rest of the weekend?

Read this.
How to Survive Infidelity