Certainly does not exist- it would either be criminal harassment or perhaps a misinterpretation by her WH. And it has to be pretty bad for criminal harassment charges to stick, I would wager 1 out of every 100 complaints I dealt with ever even lead to any charges. I wouldn't necessarily believe anything a WH says though.

OW Arrest

She was arrested and booked this past June for: TELEPHONE/UNLAWFUL USE OF TELEPHONE (After 7/20/01)

I can see her mugshot and the charge.

What did she actually do?

Oops - previous post was by me. Computer was logged in as LongHaul because he read his posts, but didn't want to post right now.

Have told him that I want to post a lot this weekend, then maybe just a couple of days a week unless there is a specific issue.

I don't know what she did - I don't know that WH knows either, just what I put previously about her harassing a BW.

Do you know who the BW is? Can you call her and find out what happened?

Heading out to send NC letter (and letter our DD wrote) through UPS - only thing open I think. Have just a little bit.

I think they do certified?

Hi StrongerMe. I found your thread and am glad to see your H choosing to do the right thing. The fog, disconnect and independent behavior have been going on a long time, so you are going to have to be a stronger you to hold him to task. I look forward to reading your journey. Thank you for sharing with us.

...he is really a fantastic teacher...

Let me ease you into my point before hitting you with it:

He really is a fantastic bartender...despite his long history of alcoholism.

She was a fantastic pharmacy employee...especially after getting out of the drug-treatment program.

What a great childcare worker he was...once those pedophilia charges were dropped through prosecution error.

With his predilection for forming inappropriate relationships with women, only needing a similarly-morally-flawed respondent/target to appear, there is no way WH can work as a teacher in a profession with a typical female-to-male ratio of 10 to 1.

NeverGuessed, isn't it you who have written about the unusually high number of affairs in the education system before?

Mailed the letters through UPS.

I don't know the BW that OW harassed. WH may.

Apparently there are an unusually high number of affairs - at least it seems that way at his school.

ML - It is his teacher's certification. It comes up for a 5-year renewal in January. I'm not sure what that entails besides filling out forms. His concerns are that if he gets fired or breaks his contract, he'll never be approved for certification in the future.

If WH and OW got in trouble for the affair at work, I don't know about it. I FEEL comfortable that WH is being honest with me at this time. Passing the poly was a huge hurdle. I'm still vague on details, but he appears to be forthcoming.

So what is his plan on getting out of this school and out of this environment?


It sure sounds like it.

I don't know what state you are in so the laws in your state could vary, but I found this when I googled this charge:

8.04 Unlawful Use of Telephone or internet
(1) Whoever does any of the following shall be subject to penalties in Subsection (2):
(a) With intent to frighten, intimidate, threaten, abuse, or harass makes a telephone call or uses the internet and threatens to inflect injury or physical harm to any person or the property of any person.
(b) With intent to frighten, intimidate, threaten, or abuse telephones another or uses the internet and uses any obscene, lewd, or profane language, or suggests any lewd or lascivious act.
(c) Makes a telephone call or uses the internet, whether or not conversation ensues, without disclosing his or her identity and with intent to abuse or threaten any person at the called number or e-mail address.
(d) With intent to harass or offend, telephones another or uses the internet and uses an obscene, lewd, or profane language or suggests any lewd or lascivious act.
(e) Makes or causes a telephone of another repeatedly to ring, with intent to harass any person at the called number.
(f) Makes repeated telephone calls or uses the internet, whether or not conversation ensues, with intent to harass any person at the called number or
e-mail address.
(g) Makes a telephone call, whether or not conversation ensues without disclosing his or her identity and with intent to harass any person at the called number.
(h) Knowingly permits any telephone or any internet site under his or her control to be used for any purpose prohibited by this section.
(2) PENALTIES. Any person who violates this section shall forfeit not more than $300.00, together with costs of prosecution and may be ordered to pay restitution and complete community service.

Does your husband know what this is about? Whose spouse did she harass?

WH & I talked about it last night. He doesn't know whose spouse it was. He heard she was texting messages like, "I know where you are" to the BW.

Welcome to MB. Please listen to these radio clips with your WH.

They are a BW and WH and the affair was with a family member/best friend of the BWs. Dr. Harley tells them what must be done to recover.
Radio clip
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Then here is their follow up show because the BW is still struggling because they aren't following the program.
Radio clip of the Follow Up Show
Segment #2
Segment #3

Thanks Littlebit3. I appreciate the encouragement.

BrainHurts - Thanks for the links. This website is SO full of information; sometimes it is hard to know where to start.

I ordered the online program. I put a note to ask to be credited for the home study portion, but the problem is that I can't actually find it in my house. For months, it was in my bedroom, then I moved it into a desk. Apparently I moved it again. Plan to search the basement next. ??

LongHaul has been very forthcoming in answering all my questions about details. At first, I thought I didn't want any details, but I am finding that the details give me peace of mind.

The next hurdle is the job. I can tell WH has much anxiety about this.

Other than the job, listening to the radio clips, and waiting for the program, is there anything else we should/should not be doing?

To summarize, so far we have:
Exposure: Have exposed to OWH OWH's father (this was an accident - I thought I was calling the husband), WH parents, our children, 2 of my aunts, WH's best friend, WH's parents told 2 of their friends, my sister & her husband know; youngest daughter told her BF, who probably told her parents

Only one remaining is WH's principal. I may or may not tell my mother and brother.

WH took and passed polygraph.

Sent NC letter from WH & oldest DD via certified UPS

WH has agreed that he has loose boundaries around women. He has agreed to the EPs posted earlier.

We are doing HOURS of talking. I feel much closer to him, and I believe he feels closer to me than ever. Are there stages of the recovery process? So far, I've been fairly strong and I'm concerned that there will be harder times coming up.

Also, I'm not trying to minimize the job. This will be a HUGE ordeal, one way or the other.

SM, you are most definitely on the right track. You are both doing an AWESOME JOB!!

The main concern, of course, is getting out of that workplace. It would be absolutely TRAGIC to come this far and lose it all over this issue. He HAS to get a job where he is not working at the same place as the OW and he has to get a job where he is not working in this type of environment because you know he doesn't do well there.

As far as this being your husband's "calling" here is what Dr Harley told the spouse of a PASTOR who was following his "calling" at the expense of his marriage:

I will just reiterate what has already been said. Your marriage will not recover if he continues to work at the SAME PLACE as the OW. He will be triggered there and you will be triggered every day he goes there. Recovery will be IMPOSSIBLE. And I am not saying this cavalierly. This is what Dr Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders who has 40 years experience saving marriages from infidelity says.

This has been my experience in the 11 years I have been on this board. I don't know of any marriages that recovered while the affairees lived or worked in close proximity. NONE. But I can point to numerous affairs that resumed because of it.

Here are some of Harley's radio clips and quotes about this issue - I will post this on his thread too:

radio clip of Dr Harley telling hus...ble unless his wife leaves the workplace

here

How to Survive an Affair chapter in HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS
p. 177

...I have seen husbands build new and wonderful relationships with their wives but then go back to their lovers after five or six years of what appeared to be marital bliss. When I ask them why, they inevitably tell me they miss the woman terribly and still love her. At the same time they stoutly affirm they love their wives dearly and would not think of leaving them.

I believe a man like this has told the truth. He is hopelessly entangled and needs all the help possible to be kept away from his lover and stay faithful to his wife. I often recommend that a man once involved in an affair come in to see me every three to six months on an indefinite basis, just to talk about how things are going and to let me know how successfully he has stayed away from his lover. He must resign himself to a lifetime without her. HE MUST CERTAINLY NOT WORK WITH HIS FORMER LOVER AND SHOULD PROBABLY LIVE IN SOME OTHER CITY OR STATE. Even with those restrictions the desire for her company persists...

We listened to these tonight. THANK YOU. I don't know how you found these clips, but they were spot on for our situation. It helps us to hear this story and be aware of where we could wrong in the next few months.