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OP
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I'm new to this board...
Quick low down... Ex husband suffers from the "Tiger Woods" issue... He had 5 Affairs that I know of in our 9 year marriage...
Number 5 dumped him... so he went back to number 4 ( both worked for him- NICE)
Now he is marrying girl #4 (and yes that is how I refer to them)
The question/issue I am having is allowing my daughter (8) to live 50% of the time with the HAPPY Couple... I have full custody (in custody papers) However, I did give him more visitation... but not sure what to do... Thoughts?
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Kendall,
Asking for more info so others in you state/country might help based on experience.
Where are you? (country or state is in the US?)
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I'm new to this board...
Quick low down... Ex husband suffers from the "Tiger Woods" issue... He had 5 Affairs that I know of in our 9 year marriage...
Number 5 dumped him... so he went back to number 4 ( both worked for him- NICE)
Now he is marrying girl #4 (and yes that is how I refer to them)
The question/issue I am having is allowing my daughter (8) to live 50% of the time with the HAPPY Couple... I have full custody (in custody papers) However, I did give him more visitation... but not sure what to do... Thoughts? Welcome to MB. Along with Surfer's question I would Plan B him without the Plan B letter. Please read and pay especial attention to the parallel parenting thread. How to Plan B Correctly
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2012
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THANK YOU for responding!!!
I didn't realize how upset I would be about the announcement... However, in true awesome fashion... my daughter told me... along with the fact that SHE (DD) will be changing schools and moving...
He got a verbal 50% of custody so my DD could go to the best school district where I live (in TN)... Now he is moving out of the school district...
In Fact, I am renting the house where he currently lives so NOT to disrupt my daughters schooling... Sucks but you do what it takes...
Ex has a hard time talking with me about anything involving major life changes for our daughter... So I usually find out from her..
But the challenge for me is two fold... One, I don't want to be the reason another marriage fails ( bitter ex ) and create more stress for DD... However, I really can't support my daughter living with a woman who caused so much distruction in my and DD life...
My ex and I filled for divorce the first time in '07 - becuase of #4...(the one he is marrying) He came back... promised to change..BLAH,BLAH... in '09 I finally left for good when #5 was around... He wanted the divorce...
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Joined: Nov 2010
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I'm new to this board...
Quick low down... Ex husband suffers from the "Tiger Woods" issue... He had 5 Affairs that I know of in our 9 year marriage...
Number 5 dumped him... so he went back to number 4 ( both worked for him- NICE)
Now he is marrying girl #4 (and yes that is how I refer to them)
The question/issue I am having is allowing my daughter (8) to live 50% of the time with the HAPPY Couple... I have full custody (in custody papers) However, I did give him more visitation... but not sure what to do... Thoughts? Welcome to MB. Along with Surfer's question I would Plan B him without the Plan B letter. Please read and pay especial attention to the parallel parenting thread. How to Plan B CorrectlyDid you read the Plan B thread? Please get an IM so you can heal. If you have full custody how can he move your DD out of the school district? Can you find your own place? You need to cut all ties from your XWH.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I have been reading up on the parallel parenting..
Only issue is that my DD has medical issues which force us to communicate...
However, I do think ending ALL contact with EX is vital for my mental health...So I have started not to respond to any phone calls, text messages, etc.. that he sends me
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I have been reading up on the parallel parenting..
Only issue is that my DD has medical issues which force us to communicate...
However, I do think ending ALL contact with EX is vital for my mental health...So I have started not to respond to any phone calls, text messages, etc.. that he sends me Why can't you send her medical issues through an intermediary?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He can't move her out of school district... In his eyes... I am NOTHING... not even a MOM... He even tells my DD what a bad mother I am...
I have full custody in papers (never been modified) and have been thinking after I move into HIS old house of going back to original custody agreement... Me having her except on Wed and every other weekend...Moving into his old house Jan 1, 2013
But I don't want to make a decision out of anger or hurt my daughter...
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Never knew I could use an IM
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He can't move her out of school district... In his eyes... I am NOTHING... not even a MOM... He even tells my DD what a bad mother I am...
I have full custody in papers (never been modified) and have been thinking after I move into HIS old house of going back to original custody agreement... Me having her except on Wed and every other weekend...Moving into his old house Jan 1, 2013
But I don't want to make a decision out of anger or hurt my daughter... Does he own the house you will be moving into? So you will be renting from him? Of course you can use an IM. Can you find someone who can act like a filter? Did you expose all of his affairs while you were married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Does a PBL exist for when divorce has already occured?
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Welcome to MB Kendall, sorry you have to come here in these circumstances.
As surfer has asked, could you give us more details?
There is the option of making a signature that gives such pertinent info, such as you and you families age, and if you play around a little bit with it, I am sure you can master the signature.
Its under "My stuff" at the top of the page under "Profile"
Healing yourself of course will be paramount in becoming a solid parent figure for your Daughter, and this site has a lot of insight to that end..
Again Welcome to MB
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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No he doesn't own the house... I will be renting from his landlord...
Need to find IM...That's why I asked if you could send PBL after divorce
Never exposed all his affairs... In fact, I think #4 thinks she was the only one... She works with #5 and doesn't know the whole truth about them...
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No he doesn't own the house... I will be renting from his landlord...
Need to find IM...That's why I asked if you could send PBL after divorce
Never exposed all his affairs... In fact, I think #4 thinks she was the only one... She works with #5 and doesn't know the whole truth about them... I wouldn't do the love letter of the Plan B because you're already divorced. Do something like have your lawyer draft up a very business like letter explaining contact through the IM. Stating how any NECESSARY business will be conducted without direct contact in the future.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I plan b letter my wife after divorce. On the day of divorce.
I had my lawyer review it and sent it to her.
But it do not use an IM.
I can give you that letter if it helps you
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Joined: Nov 2011
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I'm new to this board...
Quick low down... Ex husband suffers from the "Tiger Woods" issue... He had 5 Affairs that I know of in our 9 year marriage...
Number 5 dumped him... so he went back to number 4 ( both worked for him- NICE)
Now he is marrying girl #4 (and yes that is how I refer to them)
The question/issue I am having is allowing my daughter (8) to live 50% of the time with the HAPPY Couple... I have full custody (in custody papers) However, I did give him more visitation... but not sure what to do... Thoughts? On child issues I suggest you email Dr Harley for advice on how to proceed with visitation etc. he is primarily concerned with the welfare of the child. Is your child in a healthy and safe environment when with ex husband and affair lady #4?
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I'd also check where you stand legally with regard to OW4 having contact with your daughter... laws differ depending where you live.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Here's a good template that Mel came up with for a woman to send to her XWH. tc, it will be up to you to shut him out. All you have to do is stop taking his calls. Block his calls, block his emails and don't allow him in your house. Find a good friend who will act as an intermediary and agrees to only pass on absolutely pertinent information about visitation and finances in her own words. I would just send him a letter that goes something like this:
Dear Bob,
I have decided it is much better for my peace of mind to have no contact with you because of all the past unpleasantness. I feel a wonderful sense of peace when we are not in direct contact. I have decided to make that a permanent condition. If you have any pertinent information that I really must see, please send that through my friend, Sally, who has agreed to act as an intermediary.
Appreciate your cooperation and wish you all the best.
Best regards, XXX
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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...email Dr Harley for advice on how to proceed with visitation etc. he is primarily concerned with the welfare of the child. Is your child in a healthy and safe environment when with ex husband and affair lady #4? As is any adult dealing with these situations.. Of course it will be important that you process all that has happened for your own healing, and to protect your child from any more heartache, confusion, than they already have to deal with.. This site is a wealth of information that can help you protect the little ones..
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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