You need to expose both yours and his affair. OW's fiance has a right to know about his life.

The OW was making out in my hut tub w/ my brother, I got her away from my brother by bringing her to my and my H bed, she was my BF, she and I were making which led to intercourse w/ my H w/ me there. This happened x3. Than my H started calling her from his hotel room while he was a work and they were w/ each other at least x3 that I know of w/o me there. He says he has not talked to her in 2 weeks. I'm begging him to try to work it out, i've showed him MB. But he still has strong feelings for OW. Our daughter knows everything thats going on. She told my H she will still see him but she will not have anything to do w/ him and OW.

How do you know what he is doing when he is on the road?

When are you going to the right thing and let this OW's fiance know?

I appreciate all of your input on my nightmare come to life. I know this sounds like a weird soap opera, yet it's true. My brother is not the fiance. I am going to discuss some things w/ someone who knows the fiance and see if I can get a number for him to make sure the OW told the fiance. (She told my H (via "the break up call" and me via email that it was over and that she told her fiance and they he told her that he cheated on her when they started dating.

On another note the OW (who was my BF) told my H that I had the one night stand 5 yrs ago, so my H knows about it. I have seen him but have had no further contact w/ him.

I am the one who has had a party lifestyle, not my H. He hated it. I have stopped living that lifesyle. I was drinking at home, but have gone cold turkey to try to work on our relationship. (I have a broken leg so I dont want hear about the AA right now ok?)
I cannot drive.

I have read the program, but for some stupid reason i dont want to expose everything on facebook, her fiance does not have facebook. If I do expose it on FB it's going to infuriate my H. I've called my H's sister (who has been thru a hell of a lot herself) and she is going to call my H. I've not told my sis in law details, I'm going to leave that to my H. I really do appreciate and believe in this program, but I am up against my H and the therapist that we've seen x2. (therapist does not believe i should have access to his phone, email etc.)

You need to get rid of that therapist. That person is very enabling and destructive. Save your money and use it with the coaching center. Maybe even send in an email to Dr>harley and bring your questions to his radio show. YOu will probably get more out of 1 radio show session with Dr.Harley than years or therapy.

Marital therapists know NOTHING about saving marriages and only know how to keep reeling you in so they can make a pay cheque.

MNG

T2W,

I had the one night stand 5 yrs ago, so my H knows about it. I have seen him but have had no further contact w/ him.

Tell the one night stand guys wife or girlfriend what happened, this will provide your BH some compensation for what you did. From what you wrote it sounds like this OM frequents the same bars you did and is still in the area, ouch, seeing him is contact btw!

This is very important, did you get tested for STDs? And given the large number of sexual partners your former BF has has this goes double for your BH.

God Bless
Gamma

You have said you don't want to hear about AA and you don't want to follow the MB Affair Recovery Program.

I don't know else I can help you.

You are an alcoholic and your marriage is about to die.
Both of these organizations have experienced plans and have saved tens of thousands of marriages. AA has helped millions of alcoholics.

If you refuse to follow a program, you will continue to spiral downward.

And by the way, saying that you can't go to an AA meeting because of a broken ankle is the poorest excuse I have ever heard.

There are people in wheelchairs, people with amputated legs that attend these meetings

WOW, does anyone have any faith in a person at all? U dont believe that someone can quit ETOH cold turkey for the one they LOVE? Well I'm here to say I'VE DONE IT!!!! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MY H! And Gamma, I've already come clean about my ONS, Seeing someone again, in a crowd of hundreds does not mean a thing, i did not talk, touch this man, IDK if he has a GF and I dont care! I just know I want to work it out w/ my H. Nothing else matters.

I do agree w/ the STD testing, I will have that done ASAP

BTW thank you MR NICE GUY, I appreciate your insight. I believe in what you're saying and agree. If I could just get my H to sit here w/ me and do this...thats another thing? U really r a nice guy!

T2WIO,

If he is on the road as a truck driver. How do you KNOW he isn't in contact with her? Calling from his hotel room?

Did you buy the book Surviving An Affair?

If you do recover your M. What is your plan to get him off the road?

Please read this and listen to the clips.
Traveling Jobs

BTW, THE ROAD, YOU'VE BEEN ROAD HARD... GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND SPREAD YOUR MISERY AROUND.

TY Brain hurts, I know, how do I know? I dont know, right now I'm going by his word, I am going to buy the book. IDK how I can get him off the road, it's his work and it's what he has to do, I dont like it, and he doesnt either, I intend to bring this up to him 2morow when he comes home. I'm trying to stay positive, but right now I'm confused, he's confused and yeah.....who knows right? I'm going to TRY to sleep now.... not something i've had much of lately. Thanks again, all the ppl trying to help me... I wont forget u.

It's about boundaries.
You need internal boundaries to protect yourself from alcohol that AA can teach you.
You also need boundaries around people of the same and opposite sex. For example, Dr Harley has saved tens of thousands of marriages and is very clear that there should be No Contact with a person you had an affair with for the rest of your life.

If you want to kill this affair and save your marriage you really need to get with the program.

You are not the only alcoholic here. There are quite a few (and many whose alcohol fueled the activities that led them here). 2 weeks of sobriety is nothing in the timespan of addiction, which is why people suggest AA.

You did not come clean to your husband. YOU did not tell him. Someone else did and you were forced to fess up. Note the difference.

Do we have faith in a person? Not really. Faith in a human means nothing. "Trust, but verify" is more of a motto here. Actions, not words. Words like MARRIAGE VOWS obviously didn't do a darn thing for you and your husband (or many other people here), it is about ACTION. Following the plan.

So far, you are refusing to follow any steps in the MB plan. Your marriage has suffered multiple adulteries including 3somes and is falling apart rapidly. You are not qualified to fix a marriage. You are the last person who is qualified to do so. Listen to Dr. Harley's program while you still have a chance.

And yes, I was a drunk once too. 2 weeks is easy, 2 years, 20 years, is another story. Be accountable.

How about going with your h on his next trucking run?

Here's your problem, you are going by his word. My XWH had an ongoing affair with his BF's wife while his BF watched. (he said BF wasn't involved & there was no intercourse but I don't believe that now) He told me about it years after it happened. He made all the adulter's promises. We agreed not to tell anyone and fix it ourselves. BIG MISTAKE! I "thought" I knew him better than anyone else. People would judge him & not understand it was just a huge mistake. He was going through a lot with work, his BF was a bad influence on him, etc. I made every excuse in the book. It's called denial. He sent NC to them. His BF contacted him via text messages every few months. Long story short, he had several more affairs. He is now married to the last one & his BF was at his wedding reception with his new wife. Sick and disturbing. PLEASE expose both affairs.