I never thought I would be reaching out to strangers for advice to help me get over the pain and mistrust that my husband's affair has caused me. I can honestly say that I really was flabbergasted when I discovered his infidelity. I knew that we had problems, we were fighting a lot and there were times that I thought we would be better off if we separated, but I NEVER thought he would sleep with someone else. I found text messages from a woman about 5 weeks after I had our 2nd child. I couldn't believe that someone was sending him those kinds of messages, but when I confronted him all he said was "I told you I needed more attention". He convinced me that they were just friends and the messages were just goofing off and not serious. I was an idiot. She later facebook messaged me that she was sorry about their "heat of the moment" and that it was just a one time thing. [censored]! To make it more disgusting,she was about 4 months pregnant with someone's baby (supposedly her own husbands). I feel like I have worked really hard to fix our marriage and I accept my responsibility to my husband now to meet his needs. But I can't help feeling that he thinks that since I am working on it, he has no responsibility to do the same. He isn't acknowledging that I have needs too, for affection and communication, and emotional support. It feels like I am servicing him sometimes. I have to meet his needs for sex, which I do love as well, but when will he start trying to make me feel like I am important to him so I can feel secure that he won't stray again? To make matters worse, I have to see his nasty whore nearly daily as our daughters are in the same class, which she thought would make us buddies or something. They both act like nothing happened and I want to choke the living daylights out of her (misplaced anger toward my husband I am sure). How do I deal with seeing her everyday and her acting like we could be friends if I would just get over it?

You cannot see her every day, but there's something else to look at first.

The first thing to do is expose this affair. Does your husband have an FB page, or do his parents/friends/etc have FB? That is a favored exposure method.

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for the pain that has brought you here.

You will not recover if you see this OW everyday. Dr. Harley has an excellent plan to recover from your WH's affair.

Please tell me that you have told this OW's BHusband?

Please read this and come back so we can help you with your plan. Take your DD out of that school and plan to move.
Exposure 101

Also please get STD tested.

Yes, and also be sure to re-test in 3-6 months, as things like HIV have a "dormant" period.

I agree with BH, among your other potential exposure targets, the OW's husband should be one of them. That poor guy deserves to know what's going on.

Gettingoverit,

Do now warn or threaten your WH or the OW, they will tell a story to the OWH that you are crazy. Expose suddenly and completely. You need the OWH to help remove OW from your life.

You cannot see OW every day that is absolute torture.

Also you need to get STD testing.

God Bless
Gamma

As for it being your fault, "I needed more attention"...

That is absolute bull, and he is shoving what is his fault onto you. Don't buy that for a minute!

Exactly what karma has said.

You WH has no boundaries around members of the OS.

Please read these.
Surviving an Affair

Are "Friends" a Threat to your Marriage?

Oh no. They are not "together" anymore. It ended when I found out, but the hurt and betrayal are still there. It just feels like he has put the responsibility of maintaining our marriage onto me. And yes I have to see her all of the time. VERY small town... She has seriously asked me to be her friend after she slept with my husband and when I laughed and said I don't think so, she was offended and told me to get over myself!

I highly doubt that it has ended. The odds are very good that they just took it underground when you found out.

I have thought about telling her husband, but I didn't want to be the one to cause him more pain. I guess that my husband isn't the first and maybe I figured he wouldn't be the last, so he would find out without it hurting us more. Selfish? My husband works in a public place and I don't want to hurt his reputation, again, small town..

This will cause him pain, yes, but it is absolutely NECESSARY!

He hurt his reputation himself by having an affair. Remember that! YOU are not hurting it. HE DID.

Exposure will also help the other mothers keep their eyes on this OW. Bet your WH is not the first man.

Did you read the exposure thread I posted?

OWBH needs to be told. Wouldn't you have appreciated knowing and possible stopping before it went physical? Her BH has a right to know about his life. Please do the right thing and tell him.

Your WH should have thought about his reputation before he slept with OW.

Dr. Harley has 40+ years of saving marriages and it starts with exposure.

Does it make a difference if it has been a year since the affair? I know she will just say that I am trying to make her life hell because I can't deal with my own relationship.

If you hadn't found out about your WH's affair now. Wouldn't you still want to know?

That poor BH has a right to know so he can make a sound choice about his life and not keep living under a lie.

GOI,

I guess that my husband isn't the first and maybe I figured he wouldn't be the last, so he would find out without it hurting us more.

And everyone knows except her BH, I know this is a common attitude, but it's a bit like watching a crime being committed and saying nothing. Many here wished that someone would have stepped up before they found out on their own and saved them years of recovery time.

God Bless
Gamma

x1000

getting,

Please stop worrying about what the POSOW might say. She no longer has any credibility. She knows NOTHING about healthy, successful relationships and she knows NOTHING about you. Telling you to get over yourself relieves her of feeling all those "yucky" feelings she should be having because of what she did. She can't believe there is actually someone out there who doesn't adore her and want to be her friend. People like her only care about themselves and want to deflect ALL responsibility. Don't let her words carry any weight at all with you, keep reminding yourself of the truth.

Let others know,especially her poor unaware husband. Send him here for support, he will need it. You must expose. If the affair is ongoing, it will bring it to a screeching halt in no time. Sin is never any fun when someone is shining a light on it!

I wish you well.

I believe you can also tell her about the odds of an affair RE-occurring due to contact (even though I think the affair hasn't broken off, just gone underground). Wasn't your affair rekindled at one point because of a lack of NC?