Just tell him. As a BS yourself you know the relief that comes with knowledge. The 'I'm not crazy after all' relief and The 'It's not MY fault' relief. Even when the truth does not bring relief, it brings power. The power to fight back.
In this small town your reputation is tied to your families. I am a teacher trying to find in employment and people would just eat it up to find out my husband had an affair. how do i go about it discretely and what do I say?
People are not really that nasty there are they? I remember thinking this too. I live in a small town with many big families and I wondered what people would think. I told everyone. Absolutely everyone.
People were mostly kindness itself and full of support for me - from the most surprising quarters. I was surprised how many people, dozens and dozens, who urged my H to work it out and to stop what he was doing. One day he was at our house (which I had bugged) and he got non stop calls from people telling him to wake up and stop it.
There were also a few nasty people who said it was 'private' and 'our business'. Without exception these five people had known of the A, supported the adulterers and kept it from me. It was just guilt talking.
It all boils down to phrasing in your exposure. If it is dignified, open and honest, people will respond well.
More people already know than youthink, and bringing it out into the open will be beneficial all around, as no one is feeling sorry for you any more once you grab the bull by the horns.
