Maybe he is gay?

Possibly.
Unlikely though because the church is very conservative.
I think more likely, she never learned to develop same sex best friendships.
My ex wife always had "friends" with males.
Until I found MB I was unaware of the inappropriatness.

I find this OS friendship an interesting post.

I NEVER had OS friendships during my marriage (and until the D still won't). It just came natural. Maybe through my parents... neither of them had OS friendships.

I do have male colleagues, and always had VERY high boundaries. H always supported these boundaries, and attended work functions. If he ever felt "jealous" I would reassure him by changing my boundaries... not by blaming him for the "jealousy."

I have a male friend who is gay. I still would not go out with him by myself... it is always a group thing. But if divorced... I guess I would. I am not confident though. Maybe this will change once divorced.

I have friends who do not have the same boundaries... and adultery or cheating has been the norm. Repeatedly.

I guess what I am saying... be VERY careful of poor boundaries from women. You sound VERY confident with this, but it always pays to be reinforced by the OS who are impartial to your sitch.

For single parents, here is a link to a printable Medical Consent Form.
I printed a few out, had them notarized and also noted in the form that I have custody of my kids and referenced the Court Order number and Court that issued the Order.
It's recommended to keep one in your glove compartment and with you when you travel.

http://singleparents.about.com/od/healthinsurance/ss/medrelease.htm

All my friends growing up and in college were guys. I never had any close friends who were girls. that is one thing that I miss. I dropped all my friends once I got married because it felt strange, but that means I've never really had any since then. Guys just talk about better stuff. I never liked talking about boys or clothes, so I just didn't have much in common with girls. So I miss having friends.

Don't feel bad Jedi, I came here after my wives death in 2009, and after reading all of Dr Hs statements and policies, realized his total wisdom, and the healing power of MB.

Because my wife is passed on, I have no emergency, but this site is surely a healing place, with good people like MBliss, to associate with.

Im gonna assume this is your main thread, and because i have no main thread,(Because I am here to help, not for help in managing a marriage), I can totally understand your position..and that you still can comment, on the toxic relationship problems, that keep coming up in relationships in this time and place in this world.

Well this morning my dd6 wrote a letter to Santa Claus asking mommy to marry me.

In the meantime, she has weekly supervised visitation and she has been making it there on time so far.

I don't see her and I'm glad I don't. I've read other stories about people staying emotionally attached for years after divorce.

I don't know what her problem is. The court ordered her to see a psychologist or psychiatrist if she wants to have shared custody and I wonder if that will ever happen. If she does then I would have to return to plan A which I would dread.

I struggle with the morality of divorce. Whether I should wait for her to end her affair even in divorce. My relatives told me that would be crazy to do. I do feel much better after divorce. Those last few months were a nightmare.

Same dd as previous post for the last month has been very anxious.
Afraid to use the bathroom (I stand outside the door); afraid to be anywhere in the house alone. I have to sleep with her to help her fall asleep every night.
I listened to this old clip

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=00027#

Dr Harley said not to dismiss fears but to try to calm them down.
I am going to call the child counselor about this because after listening to this I can see she does need some help.

Well I took kids to the counselor today.
She thinks they are all doing well.
She said in her experience the behavior of dd6 is typical of children of divorce.

She did say she felt I was doing a great job as a single parent!

I have had very similar issues with my kids. Just kept trying different things. Came up with "surprise dreams", I grasp my hands together and they start shaking all about, then they close their eyes, then I blow through my hands onto their faces, and they receive their surprise dream. The surprise "works" if they stay in their beds.

Their Grandparents sent them Dream lights (pillow pets with night lights inside) for their birthdays...that seems to help.

Have her sing songs when she is in the bathroom or at bedtime. We sing "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine" alot in my house.

With her being 6, she should be able to read some very simple books at bedtime, have her read a page or sentence (to build up confidence) and then you get a turn.

Just some ideas....my kids are around the same age as yours.

It was great that the counselor gave you some positive affirmation as a parent.

Thanks.
We have a pet pillow and she really likes it.

We do read every night.
We have prayer time and reading time in bed.

She just seems extra scared lately.
It doesn't help that sometimes her older siblings may tease her.

The counselor was a big help. Because she talked to dd about the new fear of being in the bathroom alone. Older sister saw a spider weeks ago and it terrified dd6.
She asked dd6 to draw a picture of going to the bathroom and there was a big spider in her drawing.
After the counseling we went to visit Santa Claus and when we got home she had to use the bathroom. She asked me to look for spiders (I looked with her); didn't find any and she said she could go to the bathroom alone and I didn't even need to stand by the door!
So counselor really helped a lot today

Jedi_Knight,
Sorry you're having to go through this. Sounds like you're a wonderful dad. Single parenthood isn't easy especially when the kids are little.
Just happened to see your thread here so this post will be old, but we have a local catholic hospital that teaches classes to young girls. They have two - one is "on being a girl" and that's for young girls 9-12. The second is "the birds, the bees, and me" and that's for 12-15. Not sure if there would be a similar organization where you are, but it was very helpful for my daughter. Of course, you being a guy might not want to sit in a room full of girls and women!!!! - but it explained everything correctly, but also in a religious perspective about how special our bodies are, etc.

Don't kid yourself: you helped more than anyone by validating her anxiety and going through the process of looking for spiders WITH her. You were her knight in shining armour!

opt

Little girls have such a special relationship with their dad. It's amazing how true it is and how many times I've seen it played out that girls grow up to marry a man just like their father. So, you have a great opportunity to show your daughters what real men are like and what qualities they should look for.

Amen

Wow, so my daughter, whom I have always been close to, has picked out a great man in her life, and all those similarities I have noticed, were because of my relationship with her?


Not really a surprise guys, because as parents, we are responsible to set an example, and as human beings, we are also responsible.

Well my kids had a big production at church today and they all did great.
During the supervised visitation after church, I usually go and run 4 miles. Well I had to pay a bill at the YMCA when I went in to pay it I found myself attracted to the lady on duty.

When I left, I thought "she's really cute" and I thought about human attractions.
In BRF Dr Harley wrote about natural attractions and how people are naturally attracted to each other.

At the same time, I thought about how nice it would be in bed with this complete stranger and I remember a Dr Harley show where he mentioned that Socrates appreciated elder years because he no longer had a sex drive.

The sex drive is hard to suppress at times and I think of those monks that take vows of chastity and fight their emotions on an hour by hour basis.

Lol, I remember when my sex drive was active, and I had one heck of one...

But I never cheated, wasn't even tempted to,(Well of course THATS a lie, there was always temptation). But seriuosly the mental and emotional health of my family, was always more important.

It is gone now, and has been since my wife got very sick, and then was diagnosed....Nothing can excite me now...it is not like before, when I used to have to keep my thoughts in line sometimes..


Its because of maturity, in the mindset, and I bet it was because also that I put sex into a spiritual union classification, where it belongs anyways. To the guys I know who are like boy dogs..hyuk hyuk yippee! They always respected me for my selfcontrol..

But the mind can be a breeding ground for all kinds of fantasy, and the media, and who you know that has influence in conversation/s, and of course, mixing that with young male hormonal activity, can certainly steer you down the wrong path..

I Imagine those monks, with them also, because of thier desire to remain chaste, mixed with thier imagination, and their hormones...it must have been brutal..

I dont know what Socrites excuse was, maybe it was getting out of the crazy world of human desire, that he was most grateful for

Should I help the kids make a Christmas gift for ex wife? (their mom)
They see her once a week.
Specifically I want to follow Dr Harley's advice below:

"I understand how you want your children to have a reasonably friendly relationship with their mother. �But under the circumstances, I�d suggest that instead, you create a wall of protection around your children as long as possible because of your wife�s thoroughly uncaring behavior toward them. �Let them know the full truth about her lack of care for them because of her love for another man. �Don�t embellish the story, just give them the facts. �Sooner or later she will probably try to restore her relationship with them through you, perhaps in the hope that she would receive some kind of financial support from you or the state if she were to have partial custody. �But I would let them know that not every mother loves or knows how to care for her children. �Sadly, their mother is probably one of these people. �Plan B is probably the best way to create that wall of protection."

Any thoughts?

Interestingly she never has picked up the car from the auto shop
It's still in the parking lot.
More than a month ago her atty mailed me a letter demanding new tires.
But the mechanic said it is operable.
I'm shocked she hasn't picked it up. It's been months.