so we are a year on, coming up to dday. Am I ever going to stop being on edge when he goes out without me? will i be spending the rest of my life like this if i stay??? I know theres always a way to have an a, i think thats why i get so worried sometimes. h tells me where he's going & who with but i cant check every time, everybody will start to think im a loony & a b*@#! I hate this so much!!

...everybody will start to think im a loony & a b*@#!

Shall I send you an application and membership card, K? Shall I relate the time I drove through a golf-course parking lot, after work, not finding her car, drove home frantic and certain that she was straying....only to find her home?

We all went through the "What if s/he....?" mind-tortures (even, I'm reliably told, most WSs, whose sentence ends with, "...does to me, out of revenge, what I did?") and all we can do is stay vigilant, ask for support and comfort when a severe session takes hold, and work harder to create the memories and experiences as a couple that will bury those other worries.

It's his job now to repair you. Hold him to that.

It takes a long time to stop freaking out everytime he's out of sight, and for trust to be restored ... he has to earn it back over time. He should to do everything possible to make you feel safe, and be sensitive to your worries. You should be together as much as possible. Does he have to be out with others without you, outside of work? Consider using snooping devices (GPS, keylogger) to give you peace of mind while you recover.

What Is D-Day?
Is that when they had sex?
Or when it was exposed?

I think my d day was about the same time as yours December 2011.
I am now divorced and starting over.
I've read your threads and you have been miserable for a year!
I would try to eliminate as many triggers as possible.
No more football.
No more of the TV show they watched together.



Are you spending 20 hours of undivided attention together (alone with no kids)?

Have you ever visited a doctor about some anti depressant medication?

Are you exercising and sleeping?

Do you and your husband talk about the affair?

I'm really sorry you had to go through this. Last Dcember was miserable for me too. The bible says that the Devil comes to rob kill and destroy and Satan wants to destroy families and marriages.
But God created marriage and hates adultery.

d-day is the day a was exposed.
unfortunatley giving up football for my h is not an option, he cant see what the big deal is as well as I have his family walk into our house & put it on, then everybody seems to invite us round to watch the footy. footy is what they watched during their night in hotel & also the excuse used to get away!!
I have managed to get rid of most triggers to the extent of avoiding towns. Unfortunatley we dont get 20 hours kid free time a week, we do have girls in bed by 8:30 each night, so we might get an hour a night(as hubby starts early in morning)I know we need this time, but we dont have a large family support for babysitting. I've been organising family days atleast fortnightly.
as for sleeping I'm up & down, still having dreams on the odd occasion.
they say time heals, I'm waiting for that day!!

...everybody seems to invite us round to watch the footy.

What colors does he wear? I'm a "Toon", myself, and over here I am an unapologetic NY Yankees (baseball) supporter - have been since 1958! That said, if my attachment to them were a trigger for my bride, and brought her sadness and disgust, well....that would put paid to the fandom.

Look, K, if he does not accept that, I'm sorry, he has not yet bought into the mindset that you need for him to have to get past where you are.

Let me pose a question for you: If he came to you, and said, "K, as part of my JC, I'm swearing off watching or following the team for as long as you need me too, and will spend those hours each week doing something to re-ignite your love for me!" would it have an effect? Well dammit, he has to know he has to do that!!!!

Make it easy - print out this note and tell that [censored] that it's now his job!