GOI,
How was Saturday? Did you expose? During the first few weeks, keep us up to date. This will get you the best advice in the time frame you need it.

If it was him, he lashed out at me. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him face to face, so I sent him the message. This is what resulted:
Me: I have been wanting to tell you this for months, but I did not know how to do it without causing you pain. I realize now that saving you from that pain, is not honest either. You deserve to know that our spouses had an affair with each other. My husband admitted they had an affair and were physical. When I contacted your wife she told me they had sex one time during the affair. It may have been more. If you need someone to talk to, I am here and I am going through it, too.

Him: Sarah and I have started over. And it would be appreciated if you stay out of it and please do not text me again. I DONT get what your even trying to do? Are you and Wes having that many problems that two years later you have to do this?

Me: I am sorry that you are taking it that way. I really do hope that you have started over. Wes and I truly have and I have no animosity against Sarah. I only told you because I thought that if it was me, I would want to know even though it was in July of 2011. Wes and I were struggling. It was only five weeks after I had our 2nd daughter and things were very stressful. I realize and accept my responsibility in why it happened. Contrary to what you think, Wes and I doing better since the affair. It forced us to take a real hard look at our relationship and in all honesty, I think that it was in God's plan. It probably saved our marriage... I wish your family the best and I will not try to contact you. I am glad that you have started over.

Him:keep the drama to yourself! We are doing well and you need to obviously worry about your own [censored]

Then Her: Don't ever message my husband again or I am reporting you for harrasment it has been almost two years since all that drama and you are very insecure if your gonna continue this drama!!! So here is your warning do not message me orvmy husband and leave us alone or I am reporting you to the POLICE!!!

ME(BC I think that she intercepted it, just like you said):I know Seth didn't send those messages. I feel very sorry for you but more for him.

Her:I said DO NOT message us again!

Her:I called him at work.....and yes he knows all about you acting crazy klista I could careless how you feel for us realy we are happy and doing well you need to get on with your drama seriously he could careless what you have to say we are already onto something better stop being childish and yes he seen your message and responded I asked him to so now that's said. The next time you contact myself or my husband the police will be notified LAST WARNING!

Well, he has the information, and if he doesn't want to use it then you can wash your hands of him. What he does or doesn't do, you can't control.

What about exposing it to more people, or have you done that?

If you believe he has been informed, and has moved past the affair. You are done with them.

Now, it is still better for you and your hubby to move. Get away from all this drama. Get away from OW, eliminate future contact.

I don't think the BH received the messages. I think the OW intercepted them. I would send a certified letter to BH, if you can't talk to him.

That was written by the OW!!

You need to expose face to face to the OWH.

GEt in your car tomorrow and go find him and tell him. Surely you can read those messages and see they came from the OW?

Or when you see him at school, because your kids go to the same school.

Or better yet, call the OWH's MOTHER and tell her! And be sure and tell her about these WEIRD texts you got!

I totally agree that he probably never even saw the messages. He never would have said "Are you and Wes having that many problems that two years later you have to do this?" He doesn't even know my husband's name and why would he be vindictive toward me? I haven't done anything to him or to her!

My husband's parents and brother knows and so do my sisters and our close friends. They have been really supportive and can see that we are doing much better, than before the affair even. They are telling me to just move on and stop thinking about her even existing... How do I stop thinking about her? I truly believe that my husband wants nothing more to do with her. After I found out she was HORRIBLE to me and if anyone should file harassment charges it is me against her. She is the one that threw it back in my face about the affair, because she wants to create problems for us. I think that I have possibly convinced my husband that we should move in the spring. At least to the town north of here, so I don't have to see her when I bring my daughter to school. We are going to start looking for housing and see what happens. So in the meantime, what do I do when I see her? If I see her husband, I am going to ask him if he got my messages...

When you see OWH you need to tell him.

Did you expose the affair to the OWH yet?

You need to either send certified letter to OWH or speak to him in person. Reading your post re texts, I doubt OWH responded, sounds more like OW intercepted. Funny OW see exposure as "childish" My WH, OW sent me a FB message stating
I was a little mad and childish.

Yes I agree that she is the one who wrote back to me. I know you said I needed to do it in person, because cheaters will check their spouse's messages. I don't know, I just thought I would not do that to my husband even now... I would ask him about it though, so what if he got it and just let her respond? I am so sick of the drama. I just want to be done with it. My husband said that I am just fueling the ow. She is driving by our house now and it feels like she followed me after I picked up my daughter... I know she may have just been going that way, but she is sure sending me some death glares. I am trying to ignore her. I didn't say anything to her at pick up and she didn't say anything to me. I kind of feel sorry for her. She seems very insecure and I have to wonder if something in her childhood has led to her being so promiscuous. We found out from a friend in common that she has many affairs, usually with married men. It was in February 2012 that she told me that they had an affair. I had discovered it myself in July 2011, but I was in denial that they slept together. I think he has had no contact with her after about a two week period after I found out, so why did she decide to tell me about the affair being sexual? BTW when she told me she blamed me saying that it was my insecurities and my failure as a wife that caused him to stray (probably close to the truth). Honestly, I think that the affair really did save our marriage and I was forced to rebuild myself. My confidence and self esteem are higher now and my relationship feels like it should (most of the time...). I know that she is just trying to get to me, so how do I put her in her place without sounding like I am weak and immature and insecure?

It's about time you got fitted for some "big girl" bloomers, my friend. Let me point out three things, just from your last note:

You "discovered" the affair in July 2011, but were only accepting of it when OW told you seven months later - CONFLICT AVOIDANCE

You sent an easily-intercepted exposure letter to OWH, instead of doing it in person - CONFLICT AVOIDANCE

You suspect OW is stalking you, and do nothing except complain to US about it - CONFLICT AVOIDANCE

(Do you see a pattern here?)

There is no "someone" who will repair this situation except the "someone" posting under GOI12.

Ignore her. She wanted to rile you so you would respond. It keeps the drama factor and communication open. To heck with her, she may or may not have slept with him. That's between you and him. Will details help or hurt if you are trying to rebuild? If anything or forced to respond, I would say Thank You for making your marriage stronger. By giving his uncertainty an option, she let him realize he couldn't live without you and yall are doing amazing. And, that she should politely cease all contact and that you have noticed her passing your home, and that you would hate to file for a protective order as you know it will affect her with future jobs,etc. And, smile, be on your way. Close the door on her butt figuratively and literally in your lives. Someone has to shut it. Might as well be you. Be Ms. Ballsy, this is my life. Be for me, or against me. I wish you well dear. Hurt is a viscious thing. I am trying myself not to let it envelop me. Find your strength.

GOI12 --

You need to stand up for your marriage and family and stop being afraid of the OW. If you don't get this exposure done soon, she will have disabled you by telling her husband a big fat story about how crazy you are. She will have his head so full of doubts that he will never believe you.

All you did by sending that email was to PUT HER ON NOTICE.
Its going to be even tougher for you to get to OWH.

Your husband is not behaving in a manner that indicates any remorse. That tells us that HE is in control, and very likely has continued contact with OW or has a new OW.

Find your strength!

You need to make sure OWH knows about this. It gives him a choice in his own marriage. I think by her reaction afair is still going on. She left workplace and that makes it easier to run with your husband. Co-workers only see his schedule not thiers. He could be seeing her on those long work days. More Cake. If everyone knows maybe she and her husband will move. Your husband should like the cheaper solution..... You will still need to watch him.
OWH also needs to know his wife has been running around on him and decide to check paternity of her child.
Remember she is not the only one to break vows here.

You really need to just follow the program.
This isn't the posters opinions to expose.
It is recommended by the expert Dr Harley. These people here are just repeating his advice.

You seriously need to put on your big girl pants and expose this affair. By keeping it a secret you are enabling the affair and making it possible for it to resume. Her husband needs to know what your husband and the OW have done so he can protect himself. Why not help HIM instead of the stinky affair?