If it seems I am the only one interested in fixing our marriage?

First I'll apologize for the long disjointed post I'm trying to give a good view of my marriage.

My husband does not talk about our relationship. Any attempt on my part results on him shutting down and leaving the room.


I guess communication is one of our big problems at the start of our marriage I used to insist we talk things out but he said that's not how he dealt with things that he was too upset to talk, so we basically went to bed angry and the next day pretend nothing happened at some point I just let it go and just went along with it and now that's how we deal with disagreements. Needless to say resentment has been building up for a while at least on my side.

Our second issue is the lack of affection. I'm a very affectionate person and he's not. I guess I didn't realized it in the beginning because I was very affectionate towards him and it's not like he pushed me away or anything. About a couple of years ago I told him that I was really unhappy with our sex life that the wham bam thank you mams don't work for me at all I told him that I need something else, I need affection and I need to do things together that make me feel closer to him he had no idea what I was talking about so I tried to give him examples (i.e. A back massage)So he took my suggestion very literal and he was basically following steps in order to get sex like here you back massage now sex. So needless to say I dreaded the massages and tried to suggest other things I liked, he never did much of those things. Once just after our kids where born I was feeling particularly miserable and lonely and he came to me and said hey lets play a game (I love to play board games) and I was so happy that he wanted to spend time with me doing something and enjoy even though he clearly wasn't enjoying himself but I was happy he was making an effort. My heart absolutely broke when after the game was over he tried to have sex with me.

On that same note it seems like he lacks empathy, like if I complain about anything he always says well don't expect any sympathy from me. Even when our kids were born premature and our daughter was in the NICU, he was super annoyed that I was crying and basically told me to please stop. He has never tried to comfort me when I'm sad/upset at best he just leaves me alone because he thinks I need time to myself. He says that's what he would like me to do if he's upset so that's what he does. Also he never apologizes, before we were married I basically forced a couple of fake apologies out of him because I told him I was done if he refused to apologize.

This may seem silly but about four months ago I was barefoot and he stepped on me with his hiking shoes, it really hurt and all he said well you should have move out of the way. He didn't even ask if I was ok. That incident was stuck into my mind and it was the day I started googling stuff about fixing marriages, that day I downloaded HNHN and I thought the book explained very well some of the things I have been feeling for years so I asked him to read it, he asked me if I was having an affair and I said no but the book really explains well how I've been feeling for a while so to please read it. For about a week I asked if he had a chance to read the book and he said no. After that I have asked him a few times to read at least a few chapters but he hasn't read anything.

Last but not least we are both from different countries we met and started dating in a different country got married here and Lived for a bit in his country before moving here. He's been living here for 3 years now and doesn't speak the langauge at all and makes no effort to learn. I put him in classes and he failed I have bought every single book and downloaded every single app and he is just not interested. This results on me doing every single errand for him/us like he cannot even order a pizza over the phone I have to put money on his phone he cannot even go to the store and pick up a phone card. We own our business here and it results on me having to do 99% of the work because he refuses to learn the language. So he takes cares of the kids while I do everything else. But since i breastfeed I still have to be home every 3-4 hours to feed the kids so it's not like I can even dedicate myself to the business either. We had a "fight" about two days ago because I stayed up late working and got up at 7 to work e picked me up at around 8 pm I told him I was completely wiped, he just said to not to expect any sympathy from him, and I said that I wasn't expecting it. He got mad and he said that talking care of the kids was much harder and he doesn't complain. He just started pushing the stroller faster walking ahead of me I was completely exhausted and I couldn't keep up. Once we got to the car we never spoke until the next day when everything was fine again.

I won;t keep rambling on but there is much more going on, if he has any complains about me that I;m sure he does he has never spoken a word about it to me. So where do I go from here? Mstly for our kids sake I want to make this work.

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How to Create your own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love in your Marriage