If a person is summoned to court they are required to appear by themselves or by counsel.
It would be to your benefit if he does not appear.

Yes they will, but it depends. Some judges may extend it. I would have your lawyer explain that he has refused to show. Do you have any of his refusals in writing? To show the judge?

He isn't very smart if he doesn't show up. Please make sure you still go and proceed.

Some judges will be harder on the one, who do not show up.

Hi Everyone. It's been a while since I've been on here. Thought I'd give everyone and update.

We are still together. things seemed to get easier and with time I didn't think of the about all that he did as much and as often, but when I do oh boy do I! I still can't get over the hurt. He still treating me good now, but sometimes a bit of the old husband comes back as far as the comments and attitude and insensitivity. Most of the time he is lovey dovey and all over me which aggrevates me but then again when he he's not like that I feel bad. We have problems with his family now to top it off and he doesn't stand up for the kids and me. His mother does't talk to me and I don't know why. We were fine when everything came out and now she just ignores me completely and avoids me when ever the family is together.

About a month ago his niece made contact with the kids he had out of the affair on FB. I guess his niece had asked him if she could and he said yes. He said he told her yes when he wasn't living here. My daughters found out and were upset about their cousins making contact with her. They wanted to be the ones to do so when THEY were ready and they are not now. My daughter's had told the cousins that they wish they didn't do that, that is wasn't their place to do so. My kids can never say what how they feel to their cousins because they all get upset. the Neices were calling my kids names and so on an so forth and it was very verbally abusise towards my kids. My husband did nothing to stop his nieces from doing this. He has just been avoiding it. My daughters do not want to have anything to do with those cousins at all. They verbally attacked me to my kids and were talking smack about me for no reason. I haven't said anything to them because if I do I'm the bad guy. to them my kids can't stand up for themselves so I have to be behind it all which is so far from the truth. I've told my husband that he should be setting them straight and let them know that he loves them but they cannot talk like that about me or his kids but he refuses. He doesn't feel that they were wrong to contact this kid he had.

I hate how he blames me and says that it's my fault that he never had contact with this kids he had out of an affair. When I found out about the kids and that affair, I had asked him what he wanted,if he wanted to have contact with her and have her around and he said no. Had he said yes, I would have left him for sure then and he knew that so now I know that is why he said no and never did. How is it my fault? His family believes it's my fault that he never had contact with her growing up and it's not or is it and am I just kidding myself?? My kids are old enough that if they want contact they can and I am fine with it. The mother sent me an email and told me that he told her back then when they were having an affair that we were getting a divorce. He has always said that was not true from day one and she knew he was married. I believe him because of the things she has said and not her but she has told this kid that she didn't know he was married. I understand her reason so she doesn't look bad to her daughter but I'm not and he isn't going to lie to her about what really happend.

back to the cousins. My older 2 daughters are very hurt and upset at their dad for not sticking up for them. My oldest has even told me that she wouldn't care anymore if we divorced because he has been so wrong. The neice who said the awful things talks like that because she knows that he doesn't have the balls to stick up to her and tell her not to do those things. I've told him that and he doesn't care. And now he expects us to all go over on Christmas Eve. None of us but him and my son wants to go. The neices have talked crap this this daughter of his and is getting in the way and damaging any relationship that she and my kids can have. they feels that they are trying to make them look bad instead of just butting out of it and let them get to know each other without anyone interfering.

sorry so long. I've been so down and I just can't stop thinking about everything again. Now to top it off he doesn't stand up for us and letting his family treat us with so little respect. he doesn't even respect us.

oh as far as the court, out next court date is December 20th. I've been rescheduling it everytime. Not sure how often they will continue to do this without throwing it out all together.

So, you decided to not participate in Marriage Builders advice.

It's not I've not decided NOT topaticipate in it. That is not it at all. I just feel to emotinaly and physically week and so drained. It's so hard to even get out of bed sometimes. Hard to even focus.

If you had a written detailed plan, you would find that you can focus on step one. Then, step two.
etc

Not having a detailed plan tends to cause a person more confusion and loss of focus.

Best of luck to you. I wish you well.

I'm going to read through everything over. It's been a while. I see lots of info on how to save your marriage, just still confused on if it's worth saving. Will it happen again? Deep down I guess it will and it's just a matter of time. It's obviously all he's ever done. He swears he won't but he's sworn he wouldn't before. Hard to know exactly what is best for me and in the end how will everything turn out. Don't want to regret divorce but then again don't know if I could considering all he's done.

I have but one question for you, my dear lady:

Given that the Marriage Builders program has
enabled the recovery and repair of thousands
of marriages, and facilitated the healing of
the betrayed spouses in those marriages too
far damaged for recovery, are you afraid to
give this program your best efforts because
it may fail......or because it may succeed?

How do I know that I really want it to work. Part if me doesn't and part of me does. I just don't know if I want it for the right reasons? Does the part of me that does, is it because I'm afraid if being alone? Afraid if starting over? Deep down I think he will do it again because that is what he's done. How much damage can someone do and be I repairable? Did you read my first post about what happened? And my first post today about what's going on now?

I know it says to expose what he did to everyone but how do you do that without everyone in his family hating me? They already hate me as it is because he blames me for what he did somewhat and how I've told some people. I don't know if its cultural (he says it is). They stick tight together no matter what even when they are wrong.

If you aren't going to expose and you aren't going to Plan B then please read this.

BSs........Plan C is NOT a plan

I'm definetly in plan c. Getting the courage to go to plan B is so hard

Did you read my first post about what happened? And my first post today about what's going on now?

Yes, I read your postings when they first appeared, and reviewed them today.

So, the question before you is: If not proceeding with a goal, to a plan, with support of peer-counselors here, was your choice six months ago, how well are you satisfied with the result? Well enough to continue along the same path, at least for another six months?

You remind me of the fellow who jumps off a one-hundred story skyscraper. As he plummets past the fortieth floor, an onlooker shouts, "How's it going?" The jumper yells back, "Well so far, I really can't complain!"

Here's a big secret: The MB Program, properly executed, can work. Here's a bigger secret: We can't make it work for you.