Hello all, I have a bit of a dilema, my wife is arguing she wants me to sign over custody to her. full time! before we talk about reconcilliation. i am confused, why discuss custody when there is a chance of reconcilliation?? i told her that i would not talk about it until ALL other options are exhausted! <BR>let me remind all who dont know me after a sexless marriage to my beautiful 23 year old wife i (28) had an affair, i felt i needed to be validated as a man! and needed to break free from the psychological castration she placed on me! we have 2 very young girls and i love them dearly. <BR>

The affair and the children are two separate matters. Do not sign over full custody. Work out a custody agreement when the financial end is discussed. Do not compromise the rights you have as a parent.

ARF:<P>Sounds like you're not convinced that what you did was wrong. However, since you asked about custody and not about your affair, I'll leave it at that.<P>I would agree with Janie. You have specific parental rights as a result of being your childrens' biological father. If you sign over full custody, you will be relinquishing some of those rights LEGALLY. That means you'd need to go to court to re-establish them if you ever wanted to do that. I suggest that you NOT sign anything regarding termination of your custodial rights until you have talked with a lawyer in your state that can tell you EXACTLY what it is that you will be signing away.<P>I also agree that it sounds strange that your wife wants full custody of your kids before she'll discuss reconciliation. As Janie said, the two matters are entirely separate and should be kept that way. I can see why your wife might be tempted to get all she can now. I suspect she's working toward a divorce, and this is a way of getting custody now so she won't have to deal with it in the divorce proceedings.<P>I recommend that y'all see a counselor NOW about working through the infidelity issues before you deal with child custody and divorce issues. Perhaps she will learn to deal with her anger, betrayal, and lack of trust and NOT wish to file for divorce. Perhaps you will learn the full extent of your betrayal and come to understand that a sexless marriage does not justify an affair. (I know you KNOW that, but you've got to come to terms with how wrong you were before you can start the rebuilding). I hope y'all will try counseling first.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

i agree that what i did ( the affair ) was terribly wrong! i made the biggest mistake of my life that night! i make no excuses for my actions. I have told her that i will not discuss custody until ALL options are discussed! I fear that she has received poisoned advice from her parents who do not like me! thank you for all your help this is truly a source of great knowledge!<BR>arf