I am unaware of any official medical diagnosis

Her sister has a masters degree in psychology but is not licensed.
She has never diagnosed anyone professionally

My ex BPD, did not threaten or try suicide for the 10 years we knew eachother either (18-28)

When she finally DID went into recurring suicide threat-mode, I had a very good talk with her sister who recollected "Enacted suicide rituals" from when my ex was 8 years old...

This is stuff you want to keep you and your children away from if this COULD BE the case.

There was something in her behavior or medical records that enabled me to get full custody.
I don't know what it was.

Gerald.
I looked at that board again and it is FULL of adultery.
Those people receive terrible advice on ending affairs and they seem to cater to affair partners.

I've never seen so much adultery excused.

You are 100% correct Jedi.
There are not too many DE-FOGGED people who get into a relationship with someone who is suffering from a personality disorder... unless they were obliged or committed in some way or another.

Have you read the articles on the main-site?

My 25 year old neighbor talked with me today.
He was recently discharged from the Army and married with a 1 year old baby.

He told me that he was having "marriage problems".
I suggested he visit marriage builders website and briefly explained how in my experience, marriage counseling doesn't work.
He also told me that a few months ago he and his wife were separated and she met someone on Facebook and "kissed" him but it didn't go further.
I again suggested he visit marriagebuilders and said that in my experience affairs start from poor boundaries around the opposite sex.

He told me he would look at the website. He sounded like he really needed help and his wife was driving the marriage boat.

He also mentioned time. They are together all the time and he said too much time together is bad.
I replied that it isn't bad. I explained that he and his wife need to spend 20 hours a week together without the baby. He said they never time without the baby. I told him he needs to get a babysitter tomorrow.

(I really wasn't asking him questions, he just opened up to me. I think he just needed another mans advice).

He told me that sex was consistent and good and couldn't understand why they were having problems. I explained how women's emotional needs differ from a mans and that he is having his needs met but wife isn't.

He asked me, What would we do with all our time together?
I suggested he download the recreational activity worksheet and find common interests.

He sounded very interested.
I hope and pray that he does do that, before it's too late.

I am going to be visiting my SIL and her family in a couple weeks.
Her husband is a psychiatrist. He works for the VA as a psychiatrist.
He knows my wife.
I am going to ask him about his opinion of her.

Gerald,

I lasted half a day on the forum you referenced!
I posted that affairs were wrong and that using a personality order as an excuse is inappropriate and posted info on how to end affairs.

The board mods erased all my posts!
They do encourage adultery!

You tend to jump conclussions Jedi.

Is this the infamous OW type forum?

It is full of adultery. OW and OM post stuff like: I'm having an affair with someone that has borderline personality disorder.
The posters reply: I'm really sorry and I feel your pain.

I wrote comments like: Adultery is wrong. You should end this affair immediately.

My comments were deleted by the moderators! Lol

Have seen this and have been there Jedi.. My late wife also was the child of alcoholics,(both), and adopted many denial and escape avenues.

Bottom line is she able to love..I mean really love..not just act it out..

The program here, puts it to the test, and it shows where peoples heart is.. I am sorry if your wife's heart is messed up..

You know what your heart says..and it is right, and true, or you would not be here to begin with..

"Hope maketh not ashamed" He is a living God my friend

Sounds like the patients are in charge of the nuthouse..

I had a bad dream last night.
In my dream, I was in plan B. My wife had supervised visits with the kids.
We lived in apartment building and the apartment was having a kids parade.
I was watching my kids when all of a sudden, ww was with 2 of the kids. I carefully waited until she was out of sight and could not see me and I went into my apartment.
Then she told the kids to run and play and she followed me into my apartment. She talked to me about her search for a job.
I listened to her and felt like I was in plan A.

Then I stopped listening and said, I'm sorry. I can't speak with you. You chose to go live and talk to OM; you can go talk to him.
I started trying to close the windows and lock the doors.
Then she followed me outside and started cussing at me. "Well I didn't want to. You chose to ignore me our entire marriage and so I didn't have any choice. If I would have known about the f***ing money or job then maybe I would have."

We were now outside of the apartment and I was walking away from her. She was yelling at me but did not follow me.
I quickly hid around the corner.

Then I woke up.

The saddest thing about divorce for us MBers is that we finally get to a point where we learn what we did wrong and get real clarification on how damaging some of our behaviors were (once the concept of LB'ers is understood). Then we feel we've discovered the code of marriage and want to turn the Ocean Liner around (a monumental task but one with clear instructions written in the pages of Dr. H's books). HOWEVER, we turn to our co-pilot only to find they've already jumped ship.

Now the task becomes getting our mate back in the boat, before any ship righting can begin. Some take the life preserver, and some choose to brave the surf, I guess.

It's hard to watch the mother of your children struggle.

opt

Jedi, HAM has many of those characteristics as well (child of two alcoholics...and alcohol exposed in the womb), hypochondriac, can't hold a job, paranoid...I think there're certainly things that make it easier for someone to turn wayward.

Sorry about your crazy dream...but dont think too much by it. You did what you could, and offered her a second chance at marital happiness.

My DD8 told me she hated OM today, just out of the blue.
She told me she wished she could kill him.
I answered that she has a right to be angry and not like OM but it is inappropriate to talk about killing OM because that breaks one of the 10 commandments.

As usual dd6 was crying at bedtime saying she missed mommy.
I try to comfort her. I say I feel sad sometimes too then I think of something happy.

We have been praying for mommy every night, at the children's nightly request.
I pray that God will apply His word to her heart, to place hedges of protection around her, that she may turn to Him.

Dd8 told me she didn't want to move (we are in foreclosure) and I look forward to a fresh start because dd6 see emotional triggers everywhere. She says, this stuffed animal makes me sad because mommy gave it to me. Etc etc.

I've asked myself lately: what if ww wrote a letter and said, I want to follow your program. That's my emotional side of my brain. My logical side answers, She probably never will and you are trying to seek control.

Logically I know I am better off without her in my life. She has caused so much pain to our family through her selfish actions.

Jedi,

You and your children are in my prayers.

Well at 12 am my dd6 actually pooped her pajamas.
I gave her a quick bath and sung her child gospel songs to sleep.
This is very unusual for her. The price of adultery and divorce