I think that's a judgement call for each BS to make. On D-day I had to take my ring off, I felt it was burning me. It was a huge trigger and weighed on me heavily, I couldn't even have it in the house. I could FEEL it sitting in the desk drawer when in the same room. I had to ask my mother to hide it in her house just to function. I felt the symbol was betrayed.

Some people dont feel this way though.

There are other ways to remain faithful to your vows while the M is on the rocks. Get another, non triggered ring just as a symbol to others you aren't available. Me, I kept my hand bare but just employed super high boundaries.

OK, I'm in a pickle with the exposure stuff. For a number of reasons I will need to do it at home, but the wife is leaving early today because of the extra work she did during the week to get stuff done for her boss before that individual goes on vacation. So I won't be able to pull the plug on it today. She doesn't yet know that I know, though she's probably wondering what happened to all of the pictures. As I mentioned, I found the OM's DD's FB,. Then I found that one of her friends was her mom, the OM's Ex (at least that I am aware - public records state so, but her FB name still has the OM's last name post-divorce date - doing more research today).

I could send her a message and ask for the OM's parent contact information and notify her of what is happening in the process. But, I'm wondering of any pitfalls in this, especially if I can't do a wide exposure at the moment (I may have to wait until next week, and if I do, I will discuss the issue with Steve). I had planned on exposure today, but the wife's early work exit killed that. For various other reasons, I can't do the type of FB exposure I want to do with her in the house (she would be able to see what I am doing, and I have no realistic way around that) and I can't do it from work due to the company I work for. So should I hold off contacting her, or not contact her at all? I would assume contacting her should be done regardless of marital status with the OM, but I did have some warnings about that in the past. So all input is welcome on this.

Are you asking to contact OM's XW or OM's DD? Did you do a intellius check on OM? To see if his parents are listed?

Yes, contact the other man's (ex?) wife and ask for her help, whatever that might be, and the contact info for his parents if you don't have it already.

Leave no stone unturned here, but I'd caution you to not overthink this to the point of delaying exposure into next week. Be prepared, but don't piddle around.

Sorry to hear the latest, but it does kind of explain things, doesn't it.

Take time off, then.

The problem for me is that I have everything setup at home. I need to be there to do it, and if she is there I can't. Due to the time of the year, I also cannot take more than a couple of hours of anyways. The timing really sucks for this. I needed to work on some of the contact stuff at home, and couldn't do that either. I am off starting next weekend through the middle of the first week in January. I may end up waiting until just after Christmas, but I'll talk with Steve and get his input. I really wanted to fire this stuff off today, as there are just too many obstacles to getting it done during the weekend and next week. I'm otherwise playing dumb right now, besides pulling the pictures down and not wearing my ring.

I want the Tsunami this time. I've already been through this once 3 months ago, so taking some time to get it right this time is not a big deal too me. I don't think a 1 week delay will do much, considering the current state of this affair. It's clear I need to really unload on his end, as well as informing her other close friends that weren't aware the first go around.

This is a good lesson for others. A light exposure is risky. I didn't have any info on the OM when I last exposed, and the result was that he stayed away for 3 months, then got the itch to try again. I think it would have been better if I had waited until I found the information I have now, even if it took a month to get it. So I would say rushing exposure before you have a wide enough audience may be worse than exposing as soon as possible. I took a gamble on not doing it a month later because he wasn't making contact and I didn't want to risk him contacting her at that point, which he most likely would have. The risk failed. I wish I had all this info back in September.

I'm planning to contact the OM's DD when I go nuclear. It's the OM's Ex (still need to verify since her name is not changed - sometimes they keep them for other reasons) that I am asking about. I had some warnings about contacting OM exes back when I first got her name and thought I had her phone (didn't have the right number).

I'll have to check that Intellius service and see what they have. I'm basically looking to get the parents contact information, through her if need be, but to also verify marital status and put a little pressure on him concerning potential custody issues if they are in fact divorced. So I am looking for he pro's and con's here. Any insight would be great.

I think you should just expose now.
Today.
If you don't have the parents info expos� to everyone else.
Send to all of his married friends on Facebook.
People gossip, news will spread fast.

I want to, but I am access limited and too many commitments I can't get around. I was going to leave early to go home and do it, but the wife is going to be there, and my access point is wide open. I wouldn't be able to do it without her seeing what I am doing. She sprung this on me last night, otherwise I would have tried to get off early yesterday and do it then.

I'm just going to line all my ducks up this time and maximize the hit. After the last effort, I'm just want to make sure I hit everyone with this at once and not rely on gossip. I want it known far and wide without any doubt that everyone he knows, knows. And I don't want any pre-emption either. He doesn't know I know. So I'm going to act dumb and wait until I'm locked and loaded.

The problem for me is that

- I have everything setup at home.
- I need to be there to do it, and
- if she is there I can't.
- I also cannot take more than a couple of hours of anyways.
- The timing really sucks for this.
- I needed to work on some of the contact stuff at home, and couldn't do that either.
- I am off starting next weekend through the middle of the first week in January.
- I may end up waiting until just after Christmas,
- there are just too many obstacles to getting it done during the weekend and next week.
- taking some time to get it right this time is not a big deal too me.
- I don't think a 1 week delay will do much,
- I think it would have been better if I had waited
- So I would say rushing exposure before you have a wide enough audience may be worse than exposing as soon as possible.

Great, thirteen different ways of saying, "I'm afraid!"

Fearless NG, prediction: We will be right here, in, say, April, reading your note saying, "I really wish I'd done this in December!"

NG, I have never liked your attitude. I see you come across so harsh and crass with other people. I am not afraid at all. I've already done this once, so why do you think I'm afraid? I'm just not going to do another half-assed attempt at it, which I did because I didn't have all the contacts. This affair is already past a year. Do you really think waiting a week, if I need to, to do it right is going to make any difference? If I see the opportunity to do it sooner, I will. But if I end up with not having an opportunity through the weekend, then I'm going to wait to hear what Steve thinks I should do in this situation. He may have other ideas, but if he doesn't, I go nuclear, likely after Christmas. I'm in production...it's the end of the year...I can't just run off and do this, and I'm not able to do this in a private fashion if she is at home. It's literally that simple, yet you are making this into an "oh my God, he's scared" rant.

I have already nearly pulled the plug on a limited exposure to a few I can access this minute, but I know that could backfire on me. I'm itching like hell to blow this man's world up. You really have no idea. I'm simply not going to risk another attempt like last time. I want the Tsunami...NOTHING LESS WILL DO! Kabish?

After Christmas?
You need to do this now!

See you in April, FR.

Boy, NG, does this bring back memories for you, or what?

Let's see...a scared BH who made every excuse in the book and spent post after post after post SAYING what he was going to do, was supposed to do, needed to do...instead of getting of the forum and just DOING those things to kill the affair?

Hmmmm...and this said BH lamented why he waited until MARCH?!? instead of doing what he should've in DECEMBER!!!


Falcon, dude -- take a day off, go to the local libray, and get done what you need to get done to expose this TODAY already.

Why are you delaying in saving your wife?

OK, I'll bite. Why right now? Seriously. What part of "I want the Tsunami" do you not understand NG? This affair is not PA. The guy isn't here. If he was, I would know. This is strictly emails and texts between people 1000 miles apart. If they set up something, I will know. If this was an active PA situation with them able to get together because the guy lived close or had the financing to get here, then I would have taken Thursday off (which would have been an iffy right now) and done it then. I had, instead, planned on doing it today, as I know I could have gotten out of here a couple hours early.

As it stands, I'm in a bad situation to do it right now. If I wanted to do this at a library (I don't for security reasons concerning my accounts), I would still need to get the information I have at home. I don't understand the rush in this case. I would much rather have everything set to go out as fast as possible, in one big wave for maximum shock, then try and half-[censored] it again.

Simple as that. Wish I had a job that I could just pick a day off right before the holidays. I don't. We are understaffed as it is with critical items that I, and I alone, have to work on to get them out. If you knew who I was, and what I did, and saw what I had on my plate at work, you would see this. I'm not risking my job when I can simply wait a few lousy days. It's not a PA and I'll know if they attempt it.

So, to you, for a woman to have relations -- PA, EA, whatever --"just a few lousy days" (more) with a man who is NOT her husband is okay, then?

Got it. Good luck with the job!

(sorry if I'm stepping on your toes here, NG).

I'm agreeing with HFD and NG.

Expose now. One or two reasons to delay exposure sound, well...sound. But thirteen? You don't seem to want to expose at all.

FR,
If your child was cut and hemorrhaging, or showing signs of a life threatening infection, would "I'm busy at work!" be proposed as a sufficient reason for delay in taking action?

You marriage is infected with her attraction for another man, and at the same time hemorrhaging the trust and respect that will foster the possible recovery.

My "attitude" is only wishing you the best outcome, my friend, and hoping you will learn that the opportunity to strike forcefully and effectively comes with a "use by" date. If THAT attitude rankles......oh, well!

Well said, NG.

I hope he acts on this TODAY!

Well, this isn't an emergency. I understand you guys get a lot of ball-less BH's. I am not one of them. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Always have. I'm a terrible liar, which is why I have to be even more careful. If I start half-assing this, and she starts asking questions, I know I'll say something stupid or have the look of a lying sack of ___ on my face.

I feel the urgency to do this as soon as I can. I'm not BS'ing like some of the ball-less ones I've seen here. My reasons are legit. I need to sit at my PC, where all this stuff is, take all the contacts and put them in the format I need for FB, and I need time to do that. It's a lot of contacts. If I do it while she is there, she'll find out and pre-empt me. She's snooping on my PC at times. Trust me...the odds are likely she'll find out before I drop the bomb. I am not going to do anything to risk getting the exposure level I want. If I can do it by early next week, I will. If not, I know I won't be able to do it until right after Christmas, but you can bet the farm that I will unless Steve H tells me otherwise (and it better be a damn good reason).

I'm still in our house sleeping in our bed. I'm not one of those guys.