I've been seeing a MM outside of my own marriage for 18 months (PA and EA) and up until now, I have been in a bit of denial about what I was doing. I've avoided thinking about consequences.
I wasn't looking for it, and didn't even find this MM attractive until he pursued me, and made me feel beautiful and special. Yes, 'stupid', I know.
My husband had a brief PA 10 years ago, which he told me about, and I chose to stay and work through it, because we have children.
I feel stuck between two relationships. I have obviously held myself back from my H over the years,having lost something special after his A.
I have no excuses. I'm completely in the wrong. I have composed several emails ending the A, but I can't hit send. I can't seem to let it go, even though I need to. I think I'm in love with the OM, and haven't said it to him, and even though he 'cares greatly for me', I know he wouldn't call it love. We have a blast together.
This situation is ridiculous, I know what is right. Why can't I end it?

The best way to end it is to go and tell your husband right now. He will give you the needed support to end it.

And after you tell him what you have done, send him here to this thread so we can help him.

But first things first: go tell your husband the truth.

Does this woman's husband have any children?

It's called addiction. You're high as a kite and you want more.

End it quickly, end it now, and tell your husband.

You can end it. Just confess to your husband and ask him to speak to the other man's wife. Easy-peasy.

When the other woman's husband found out about us (via as P.I. he'd hired), that was all it took for me to tell OW it was over & confess to my wife. A little bit of truth & light dispel a lot of darkness. It saved my marriage & possibly my life. Ending the affair, and facing up to the gaps in our marriage & how we'd been caring for each other, allowed my wife & me to build a better marriage than we'd had before I got off-track & into the affair.

By the way, you're not "in love" with this guy. You're just infatuated. You're actually addicted to cheap attention without the real-life responsibilities that come with an open, honest, real-life relationship. (Read up on infatuation. Same brain-chemistry impact as crack cocaine. Yep.)

Just like any addict, you make excuse: "He pursued me. I wasn't looking for it."

Just like any addict, you try to evade responsibility: You try to throw us off the trail of all of the decisions that you made, freely & without duress, to entertain his pursuit, to reciprocate his attention, let him slip his hands in your thong, and everything else. You went there again & again, of your own free will. He had no gun to your head -- it wasn't rape -- you chose this relationship, and have been choosing it. Isn't it time to start owning all of your own choices?

Addicts make bad decisions. Whole sequences of bad decisions that, cumulatively, are life-wrecking. Every time you decide NOT to fess up to your husband (which you do because deep down, you KNOW that would end your affair & cut off your source), you make another such decision.

I was lucky: OW's husband's action forced my hand, forced me to open my eyes & finally make some good choices. But lots of adulterers aren't so lucky; they hit rock-bottom, but find that in some instances, there's nothing even as comfortable as rock to hit (like I hit), and instead, they wind up hitting stuff that's even worse -- figuratively-speaking, they wind up impaled on a pike, and their whole lives are trashed irrevocably.

You'd better take control while you still can.

But why am I wasting my time on you? You're not serious about ending it. Your sense of entitlement is so overwhelming that you can't even see. Look: Everything in your post is about you & how you feel. "I, I, I, me, me, me, my, my, my, mine, mine, mine" whines Cloudster. You have no empathy for this other woman, this other human being, who has never done you any wrong, yet whose marriage you continue to assault every day you remain in this improper relationship with her husband -- and somehow she is of no more consequence to you than some old chewing-gum stuck that you might find stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Ma'am, when you dehumanize someone, a perfect stranger, to such an extent, you're getting into 'evil' territory. I know. I've walked there myself.

How do you account for your mistreatment of that woman? That's not merely a rhetorical question -- what's your answer, Cloudster?

Or haven't you got an answer?

As you said, you've got no excuse.

I'll tell you what else you haven't got:
Empathy.
Class.
Character.
Guts.

Prove me wrong. But I doubt you will.

He doesn't "greatly care" for you at all. Otherwise he wouldn't degrade you like this. If he cared for you, he wouldn't be treating you like a pig.

As Melody once said to me, "What he is doing to you is the equivalent of spitting in your face."

I know you can't believe me now, because you are addicted. But once you break it off with this fellow and let some time go by, you will realize that he isn't a better catch than the HUSBAND you already have.

Get out of this mess you have created for yourself.

Have the courage to tell the truth.

You're not serious about ending it. Your sense of entitlement is so overwhelming that you can't even see. Look: Everything in your post is about you & how you feel. "I, I, I, me, me, me, my, my, my, mine, mine, mine" whines Cloudster. You have no empathy for this other woman...As you said, you've got no excuse.

I'll tell you what else you haven't got:
Empathy...Class...Character...Guts.

I fully agree with GO, Cloudster, as to his assessment of your qualities TODAY. The last word, however, is a vital modifier to the sentence.

This entire tragic charade can end right now, with one sentence, spoken to your BH with humility and grief:

"I have something to tell you - I have been having an affair with XXXXXX, and I'm going to end it."

Do that, make that admission and confession, and the words used to describe you start to change TOMORROW.

Thank you. You have not 'wasted your time'. You have spoken the truth to me, and your words have shamed me and pierced me with their reality. I read them, went for a walk, and wept for all i have done.
Now, to take the next step - pray for me...

So what are you going to do with this knowledge?

Are you going to do the right thing?

If you can do what should be done, you will have more support here than you could believe possible.

Please read.

To the Unfaithful Lurkers....a Gift

Also please read these.

He'll be Different with you. You're Special.
What you Will Get if You Marry Your Affair Partner