You said here that OM doesn't have Facebook.

Then here you said your WW and OM met up on Facebook.

SO WHY HAVEN'T YOU EXPOSED THIS POSOM ON FACEBOOK?

***EDIT***

1 - YOU KNOW BETTER THAN US
...to the extent that you don't even deign to reply to directed steps you should be taking; you just give us more "poor LML" notes.

2 - YOU BLAME YOURSELF FOR THIS SITUATION
...with elements that are no legitimate causations for your immediate problem: Your wife is unfaithful to you. Okay, you were an @$$wipe for a period, and absent for a longer period; got it. Those may be fair reasons for WW to fall out of love with you, possibly unto seeking dissolution. However, she does NOT get liberty, which you seem prone to provide, to source her comforts and ENs from another man.

3 - YOU CANNOT DECIDE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
...and are content to let them happen to you. Look, the hard, stern, (nasty?) Plan B you've been advised to enact has several possible outcomes. It may NOT work to get her to end it with POSOM. It MAY work to bring her back, and you will find that your disgust for her may cause you to end the marriage. It may bring her back, and you and she actually make a go of reconciliation. None of us can predict the actual path of your Plan B.

We CAN however, predict fairly well the path of Plan LML: WW will leave you and chase POSOM. It's very likely he'll tire of her and they will separate, leaving your marriage GONE, you children's lives OVERTURNED, and us out here nodding, saying "Yup, we saw it coming!"

The story I got was. He had a FB account but closed it because he had a female nut job house mate that kept breaking into it. I don't know if that's true or not. But I did find another FB account that my wife had in a different name. She didn't cover all of her tracks. I found the account through an email address but couldn't get into it. When she found out That I knew about it. She locked it up so you can't even find it in a search.

That's because she blocked you.

Make another account under a different name and different email and I bet you find both of them.

Way ahead of you. That was the first thing I tried. All seaeches were blocked

you sound weary and understandably so. perhaps you're just not going to win this battle. at the very least, see a lawyer, protect your money and push the divorce. it will shock her.

she has no idea that you'd rip the rig out from under her feet financially. DO IT. don't finance her affair and help her continue. it's insane.

i know you're tired but you have to get moving on this. NOW.

So what is your plan?

To make sure she doesn't keep her flaunting her affair around you and your children?

I just got done talking to her. She has NO INTEREST in working on our marriage. 24 years down the frickin toilet. I've been such an idiot. The only money that I have is hidden. The bills aren't getting paid on time and I can't do anything about it. I told her that I can't live like this anymore. She told me that she won't break contact with OM. I'm screwed. I'm not leaving my kids and she won't move out. This sucks but I'm trying to stay calm and keep it inside. I promised my kids that I wouldn't yell.But I'm ready to explode.

Well, Another night without sleep. She's out of our bed and on the couch again. Everytime she would say that she wanted to work on our marriage. Witch was another lie. She would come back to our bed. The last time she came back, it was at my request. I felt bad that she would sleep poorly and get up with a headache. I realized that I can't have her in bed next to me. Knowing she wants to be with OM. At one time I was told by someone that I should let her have the bedroom. Then I asked. If she is the one that wants out. Why should I be the one thats uncomfortable. Today she's at work, the girls are out and I'm doing things around the house with my son. We haven't said a word to eachother since last night. I'm better off this way right now. If I talk to her I know that I will snap. I don't want to put my kids through anymore fighting. They don't deserve it. I'm not going to kiss her a$$ any longer
I may have to be cold and hard but I'm doing it without the AO.

This doesn't surprise me one bit.

Until you stand up for yourself and your kids, your WW will continue to walk all over you.

Good luck to you, because you continue to do it your way instead of following MB.

I thought I was doing the right thing. Doing more at home, trying to spend more time with her, listening better. The more time I would spend with her, the less time she had to talk to OM. Guess I was wrong. A divorce is not financally possible and she won't move out. What can I do? I'm looking for any kind of advice I can get to help me move on. I'm at a loss

Did you read the carrot and stick of Plan A?

You're doing all carrot and no stick?

Why haven't you taken her vehicle away? Why do you allow her to talk to her OM in her home? Why haven't you told her you need her to leave as long as she continues her affair?

We spoke last night. I told her that I can't live like this anymore and we need to start seperating things. She told me that her mother will put her on her insurance. She always has her phone with her and texts alot. I don't know when it's the OM. When she talks to him. She either just goes out to her car or makes up some BS excuse for having to go out. The last couple of weeks. every time she tells me she has to go out. I tell her that I'll take a ride with her. just so she has no opportunity to talk to him. She won't move out and I legally can't make her

Brain,

Dr. Harley wrote:

Sometimes a wayward spouse settles into a routine of having his or her cake and eating it too. In an effort to win the wayward spouse back, the betrayed spouse meets emotional needs that the lover cannot meet, while the lover meets emotional needs that the betrayed spouse has not learned to meet. While this competition is excruciatingly painful to the betrayed spouse, and the lover as well, the wayward spouse basks in the warmth of being loved and cared for by two people, with no real motivation to choose one over the other.

So, to avoid an indefinite period of suffering while a wayward spouse vacillates between spouse and lover, and to avoid rewarding the selfish behavior of having needs met by both spouse and lover, if plan A does not work within a reasonable period of time, I recommend plan B.


I think that pretty accurately describes this situation. Why are you still recommending Plan A?

Yes cancel her insurance. Yes go with her when she's going "out".

Your goal is to make it impossible for her to get a hit off her crack pipe (OM). What would you do if she was an alcoholic or a meth addict? Would you keep "asking" her?

This is the mind set you need. Your WW is an addict and you need to fight the addiction. You need to raise holy heck to where she quits him or leaves the house. The whole time continue to be the ideal husband that is fighting for his M and family.

She either moves out and you go into Plan B or she works on recovery.

Why aren't you asking the board for more direction to kill the affair?

Have you found OM on Facebook yet? Do you have a keylogger on the computer and when she logs on to communicate with him, you log in from her account to get his list of friends?

Why aren't you willing to try? Why not just file for D then?

What are your plans to separate? You talk alot about what you can't do because you seem to be addicted to conflict avoidance. People get their wayward spouses to move out all the time. Is there ANYTHING you are willing to do other than make endless posts about what you "can't" do?

Anything at all?

He doesn't care.

Yes, you're correct Mel. I guess we care more for his M then he does.

Good luck to you LML.

I'm sorry if I seem like I'm out in space. Just like alot of other people here. i'm overwhelmed and scared. I've been reading alot. My mind is in a fog. I had surviving an affair. I bought and read it quite awhile back. I couldn't find it. So I went to BN.com and downloaded it. Rereading it now. I thank you guys for putting up with me and my confusion. You people being so hard and honest with me, has helped me start to see what I really need to be doing. Thank you. The people here are helping me be stronger than people I've known for 20 years. Again I'm sorry for being so dence.

It's not that your dense, it's that your inactive and not following the MB plans.

Dr. Harley has helped thousands of Marriages with these plans. If you follow them you will either save your M or not, but you WILL save yourself.

What is your Plan to get her out of the house?