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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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How do I deal with seeing her everyday and her acting like we could be friends if I would just get over it? ^^^^ is going to be a problem regardless of any further exposure or NC letter. WH is doing NOTHING and BW expects NOTHING...other than NC which obviously is NOT going to happen given what is stated above. I don't think further exposure to OWH is necessary. There are BSs who want to be in their own lalaland and believe the OP and OPW/H are bitter, nuts, need to get over it, blah, blah, blah. I would not waste more time on OWH. I think he knows and out of wounded pride or misplaced anger, he doesn't want to hear it. GO12, are you serious about R or not? Your fundamental problem is spelled out in my first paragraph of this post. Hoping for a stronger relationship with a wayward is not Recovery. Hell would be a better description.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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No I don't let other people walk all over me. I am a kind person, but no one messes with my family. I feel like the affair has allowed for my husband and I to start over and make our relationship even better. Our FIC do know about the affair and the people that my husband works for do as well as our family members. I feel like I am kicking a dead horse if I keep bringing it up. I have forgiven my husband and I just want to move on. I wanted to expose the affair to OW husband, but for whatever reason, he wishes to pretend it didn't happen. I don't care. I am not going to keep bringing it up every time I see him. I gave him the information and he can choose to hate me for it if that is what he wishes. I can handle that because I know that I did nothing wrong. I am moving on from thinking about OW and her family. Now when I think about her, I send a prayer to God to help her family and her. This seems to be more healing than anything else that I have done so far. My family is not on the brink of divorce. I just want some tools to heal fully... Much of what you guys are saying is very helpful and I appreciate your taking the time to help families like mine. Can we move on from exposure? It has been exposed and I am very confidant that the OW is out of my husbands life. I know want to make sure no other OW comes into our lives. Besides the NC letter and EPs for your WH, YOU NEED TO MOVE. Every time you and your WH see OW (almost daily) will be a huge brick wall to your recovery.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 26
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I do expect some things, but he doesn't seem at all interested in doing what I am asking. i wanted him to read His Needs, Her Needs and try to apply it to our marriage. I am doing the things in the book and I see that it makes him happy, but whenever I bring it up about him reading the book, he gets so ridiculously upset. I feel like i am always trying to explain what is in the book and why it is important to me and he just doesn't care. He said tonight that he just wants a relationship with me, he doesn't need to live his life like a book says to. I am really upset with him. I am taking it very personally. Why can't he do this for me? I tell him that he is making me feel very unimportant and he totally blows me off saying "oh here we go again". He doesn't take my feelings seriously at all and I don't even know what to say to him. I keep on holding up what I thought was my end of the bargain, but it really was only me in the bargain at all. How do I get him to understand how much him blowing me off hurts me more and how do I get him to want to improve our relationship with me?
Me BW 29
WH 34
2 kids ages 1 and 5
Together for 7 years
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Why can't he do this for me? I tell him that he is making me feel very unimportant and he totally blows me off saying "oh here we go again". He doesn't take my feelings seriously at all and I don't even know what to say to him. I keep on holding up what I thought was my end of the bargain, but it really was only me in the bargain at all. How do I get him to understand how much him blowing me off hurts me more and how do I get him to want to improve our relationship with me? I am sure he realizes that you are not very serious yourself. You have not held him accountable in any fashion or set reasonable boundaries. He is just living down to your conditions. In order to recover, there have to be extraordinary precautions along with a commitment to dramatically reform the marriage. There is no commitment here. I would not read His Needs, Her Needs, but focus entirely on Surviving an Affair. If your husband won't make a radical change in his behavior, you are very likely facing another affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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This might help also. Please listen to these radio clips also. Radio clip at 5:45 When to call it quits Segment #2
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 26
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So I have been snooping a bit and some things are not adding up... He has been working about 30 hours during his regular shift time and then about 12 hours during the night shift, but his hours are not reflecting that on his paystubs. He should have had 84 hours the last two weeks, but he only had 76... I cannot afford a GPS tracker and I cannot leave my kids at night to check if he really is at work. What do I do now? Also, I got hired to teach in the town north of us and now I am working too, which is awesome! But he isn't happy for me... He is avoiding talking to me and only spurts out mean, hurtful things when I try talking to him. (for ex I asked him how his day was and expressed that I knew he hadn't slept much the night before, and he snapped How do you think it was!). His behavior is erratic and confusing. I am worried he is involved in another affair. In a totally different conversation on a day when he was acting more like himself I asked him why he promised me that he would never cheat again and he said because he almost lost me when he did. I am not sure how I feel about that answer...
Me BW 29
WH 34
2 kids ages 1 and 5
Together for 7 years
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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So I have been snooping a bit and some things are not adding up... He has been working about 30 hours during his regular shift time and then about 12 hours during the night shift, but his hours are not reflecting that on his paystubs. He should have had 84 hours the last two weeks, but he only had 76... I cannot afford a GPS tracker and I cannot leave my kids at night to check if he really is at work. What do I do now? Also, I got hired to teach in the town north of us and now I am working too, which is awesome! But he isn't happy for me... He is avoiding talking to me and only spurts out mean, hurtful things when I try talking to him. (for ex I asked him how his day was and expressed that I knew he hadn't slept much the night before, and he snapped How do you think it was!). His behavior is erratic and confusing. I am worried he is involved in another affair. In a totally different conversation on a day when he was acting more like himself I asked him why he promised me that he would never cheat again and he said because he almost lost me when he did. I am not sure how I feel about that answer... Can someone go by and check for you or come over to watch the kids so you can go?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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