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It's hard for me to post to other people because I feel comfortable with what I have learned so far but I am in no way an expert. I don't want to mislead or give any wrong info so I am very intimidated on doing so.
Thanks for the feedback.
KISS How much UA time are you getting this week?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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As the saying goes, "The best way to learn is to teach."
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Posting is not always about lecturing how much you know. Sometimes it is just about offering support or saying 'that worked for me'. Which is how we all started posting. And Scotty is dead right, a desire to help others taught me alot more than just learning for myself.
I am sure RQ appreciates you taking an indepth interest in MB.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Dude, the only "expert" here would be "Ms 60,000+ Posts" (though she'd probably accept Dr H as her peer)! ![[Linked Image from planetsmilies.com]](http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/innocent/innocent0001.gif) Oh, dear....And that is likely because her hard head lead her to nearly every conceivable mistake in the books. Lord of the Lettuce was from 2007. It spins the tone on her posts from "BE LIKE ME!!!" to... "For the love of Pete, don't be like ME!!!!!"
Last edited by HoldHerHand; 12/27/12 06:52 PM.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Kiss, sometimes, my better advice was & is on what not to do, by way of recounting ways in which I messed up before, during & after the affair. Some people can benefit by hearing that perspective.
And after I'd spent some time around here, by reading what other posters had to say, I even found out the "why" behind a few things that I'd been doing right by accident. That helped me to be a bit more systematic & deliberate (and thus, effective) about doing those things sometimes, with respect to my wife.
Don't worry about messing up. It's not as if there aren't any people around here on MB who'll correct ya if you do.  And you've gotta be thick-skinned enough to be able to handle a few whacks on an anonymous internet forum, right?
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE THANKS FOR THE HELP AND SUPPORT.
THANKFUL FOREVER,
KISS
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How was your holiday, Kiss? We got about six inches of white stuff (mush, then snow) in the two storms. How did you make out?
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I have been on vacation the last eight days and it has been a great time as I didn't do much I left the house only a couple times. It usually drives me nuts just staying at home but this time it didn't.
I spent so much time with RQ and the kids. I spent most of my vacation cleaning and trying to go through a lot of our stuff in the house. It is amazing how much stuff we got rid of. It was great when RQ would come home and say what a difference she noticed in the house. I would try to meet RQ every need. I bought her flowers, we went out to diner, gave her a message, we had a lot of time to talk, I made diner and we ordered take out a couple of times.
I wanted to try to keep RQ from stressing out as this past week last year was a rough one for us. I wanted her to see and know that I am hear for her now and forever. I held her a lot as she would once in a while she would tell me that she had a bad day meaning flashbacks. I would hold her and comfort her. I kept letting her know how sorry I am and reinforce my love for her.
I now have to work over night for the next three nights 8 PM till 5 AM. It's going to be rough being away from RQ and the kids. Jokingly I offered to RQ to be a stay at home Dad but RQ declined.
I guaranteed RQ this will be our best year ever on New Years. I'm not big on New Years resolutions or New Years being a big deal or it being a miraculous change. But I am so excited getting through the last one and putting the past behind us. I know that a change of a calender or a ball sliding down a pole is not a magic trick that makes the pain of the past go away. The only thing that will really make it a new year or change is hard work and dedication.
My New Years resolution is to continue mission RQ #1.
KISS
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My New Years resolution is to continue mission RQ #1.
Okay, then. My amended primary NYR is to help you achieve yours. Deal?
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NeverGuessed,
Christmas was great. We went to RQ's parents house for Christmas eve. Witch is a continued work in progress due to the damage I have done with her family. Her brother got engaged that night. I thought it was going to be uncomfortable but it wasn't. It was great to be part of it.
Christmas day we stayed home with the kids. RQ made a roast and smoked the entire house(NOT HER FAULT). It was just great staying at home and playing games and spending time with RQ.
New Years we stayed at home with the kids. We made a bunch of food as I made chicken wings and ribs. Then we made a bunch of appetizers. We played a bunch of games.
I bought RQ a Ipad for Christmas and she bought a game or app called Diner Dash. She is addicted. It is so funny to watch her play it as she gets so mentally involved you can have a conversation with her and then you realize she didn't catch one word. It's great.
The snow wasn't so bad as we didn't leave the house. thanks for the concern.
I hope your holidays were great.
KISS
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NeverGuessed,
DEAL!
RQ told me a couple of days ago that she doesn't know where we would be if I didn't have the affair but we are in a pretty good place now. She said that she wishes we found marriage builders before the A.
We weren't good at meeting each others needs and I never realized how selfish I was and how RQ wasn't my priority. I have learned a lot and I never realized the true partnership of meeting each others needs in marriage. RQ's needs come first. Using this state of mind actually makes me happier not because it keeps her off my back but it helps build our love banks and she looks to make me happy. It has truly been awesome the last month and a half.
Again thank you all for the help even through my thick headedness.
KISS
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Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Your posts are very encouraging.
What does your UA time look like for this week? How often to you work overnights?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Kiss, we are all hoping you can see the value of staying active here.
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Scotland,
Our UA time this week has not been as good as it has been due to working these darn overnights that I hate.
Monday- 6 hrs playing games and alone time for new years
Tuesday- 6 hrs hanging out I made us breakfast in the morning
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday- 1 1/2 hrs each day(about an hr talking on the phone and texting though out the day and night and a half hour to hour of talking in the evening before I go to work
Saturday- 2 hrs talking, holding her and alone time
Sunday- 3 hrs talking, holding her and alone time
I don't work over nights that much at all I had done only five this past year. Now we are getting ready for inventory so I have to due three this week. Three next week and then I will have none that following week. then I might have to due it for two weeks.
I hate working over nights. I hate not being home and I hate it because I feel awful. Headaches and no energy. Thank God it's a short term thing.
KISS
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Scotland,
Thanks for the positive feedback. It is much appreciated.
KISS
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NeverGuessed,
I agree with you 100% their is a great value here. I have no intentions of going anywhere. I am focused on the prize RocketQueen and having a great marriage.
I know that working overnights hurts our progress. RQ told me last night that it feels like we haven't seen each other for days. As it was my third night in a row working overnights. We see each other for about 2 hrs from when she comes home till when I leave. We do talk and text through out the day and also at night when I go to work. I always keep in touch with her.
In the past I would go to work (about a 45 minute drive) work at least an 11 hour day then drive home (another 45 minutes) gone anywhere from 12 1/2 to 16 hours. If I talked to her on my way to work or home that would be a lot. I hardly ever talked to her when I was at work. Big difference now as we talk at least a couple of times a day and text quite a bit.
I just can't wait till the overnights are done!
KISS
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After hearing yor half hearted radio show attempt and reading your post as of late I would like to say that I see an immense change in your attitude and willingness to give your BW the husband she deserves. I pray that your marriage is getting better everyday. Your well on your way, sir. Keep it up.
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Is your overnight stretch over? Have you and RQ made up for the disruption in your schedule by doubling-up on the UA?
Stay with us, dude!
(Working out every day, eating healthily, and not-getting-moderated are all ruined. Getting you and RQ back 100% is my only remaining viable NY resolution!)
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NeverGuessed,
Yes my over nights should be over. Thank God. We meet last night at the diner and eat and talked for a while. I'm leaving now to go have lunch with her and pickup flowers for when she gets home. I'm trying to get her to go away for a couple of days. I think it is well deserved.
KISS
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