Please pray for us. Me and H have been together for 9 years and have just had a beautiful baby girl. He is in an A. Me and our baby need him home and to be the good man he was before all this started.

Please help us. I want us to be a family again.

Welcome to MB.

Who is the OW?

Have you exposed? Read this.
Exposure 101

I have prayed for your family. That God may touch your husbands heart and convict him of his sins, that he may be brought to repentance and reconciliation with you.
I also prayed that God will give you a peace during this time. That you may know you can always pray, cry and release your troubles to His hands. Also that He would send good people to help you during this time.

Please be good to yourself

Welcome to MB.

You will also find useful information in the threads in Notable Posts.

Thank you! A week before our baby was born in August my h said ilybnilwy speech. I found out from him that he had gotten close to a co worker.

Once our baby was born her decided he wanted to try during the 8 weeks he came back I could tell his heart wasn't in it. He was very up and down we were hyper bonding sleeping together etc but at times he would seem very distant! Prior to this although our relationship had been up and down we both loved each other very much we only got married last August and it was his idea to try for a baby.

Anyway he left again in late oct. I have since found that he is seeing the co worker again.
I exposed to both our families, friends his workplace. I don't think I did this successfully as I did it over a period of time. I did it to her family too. At this point we were still talking sleeping together on a couple of occasions.

Now he has told me that they are serious about each other, they love each other her parents have accepted him.

I don't know what to do now I feel so lost. My h is like a stranger to me now I don't recognise the kind and unselfish man he used to be. I know they are physical. He has been talking to her since July now.

It's so hard because our baby is so small we still need to have contact. He comes round 3 days a week to have our daughter Nd stays over to do night feeds.

I don't want the bond between him and our daughter to be broken as she is only 3 months old now. And I need help as its very hard being a new mum.

I don't know what to do for the best!!!

Thank you for taking the time to respond

At present we are still talking and being kinda friendly for our daughter. I know he is in love with his new girlfriend and he says he feels nothing for me anymore.

I don't understand how a week before all this happened we spent a lovely anniversary together he blindfolded me and took me to stay at the place we got married in last year and now this.

He was so excited about the baby. And he still supports us financially etc.

My heart is truly broken

I did read up on the site but think I found it too late as intially I did everything wrong. Cried, begged him to stay etc.

I don't know if I should plan a or plan b and how to do both with a baby if I did do plan b no contact etc. it's so hard as our baby is too small to stay over night at his mums which is where he is staying and in the week he comes here straight from work and gets her ready for bed etc.

When he comes round he wants to just sit And laugh and joke like nothing has happened. His family are devasted by all of this And no one expected this from him as he was always the responsible and reliable one of his family who are quite dysfunctional. H dad passed away when he was young and this has affected his bother and sister in a very negative way. Sorry for the long posts

Hope, i would plan on going into Plan B or he will wear you down into a nervous breakdown. You will have to figure out how to arrange visitations, perhaps letting him visit the baby at his mothers for a few hours 2 times a week. [no overnights] You could arrange the visitations so you don't have to see him. you should not allow him to come into your home.

You have to do this so you don't have a nervous breakdown or suffer physical harm. It is not attractive for a woman to compete for a man and it only tears you down.

Another thing you should do is file for divorce/separation so you that you are legally protected financially. He will have to continue to pay the bills. Please read up on Plan B and make plans to go dark as soon as you can.

Are his parents condoning his affair?

You need to see an attorney and ensure that you receive child support, health insurance etc through his employment.
Also go into plan B and lock his cheating miserable [censored] outside.
His conduct is a disgrace.

This is what I know I should be doing melodylane. I haven't asked him back since he has left the second time or discussed this with him at all.

His parents Liv quite far and during the week it just isn't practical as my baby is 3 months old. Plus it also gives me a break to try and catch up on sleep and get out of the house. I'm literally exhausted. My baby still wakes every few hours during the night.

I'm just so tired. Do you you think he should just see the baby on a sat?

A part of me thinks this is a good idea and another part of me thinks I will never get a break and end up even more tired and run down if he doesn't have her in the night??

What should I do?

You need to not depend on him.
Do you have a sister or mom that can help?

I suggest you call the local welfare department and tell them your husband has abandoned you and that you need child support. They will help you.

Also Go into plan B. read about it first.

Okay. I know this is what I need to do. Should I contact him and tell him that he only sees the baby on Saturdays.

I did this before at first but it made me so tired I didbt get any break. I was like a walking zombie for lack of sleep and I didbt get to get out in the eve so see any friends.

Do you think this is the best thing to do?

His mum and step dad don't agree with what he has done but at the same time won't tell it to him straight like he needs to hear it.

I don't really have any help. My family live quite far and have small children of there own.

I feel quite alone

I live in England and am applying for housing benefit. Because I'm on maternity in not entitled to much so he still needs to provide financial support which unfortunately I rely on.

Hope, I would figure out a way to cut off contact completely and facilitate visitation with an intermediary. He should not be in your home and any communication should go through an intermediary. Can you move in with your parents and get some support from them?

How far is quite far? Have you considered moving closer to your family?

Welcome to MB.

It isn't your job to forge a bond between him and his daughter - it's his. If he wants to be an effective father and be active in her life then he needs to move close to her and make every effort to see her regularly. We could say that if he wanted to be a good father he wouldn't have left her to be with OW, but he has done that now and maintaining a relationship is his business, if he wants one.

I would actually say that it would be better for you and your daughter for him to butt out of your lives and for you to find a man who wants to be be a good husband and stepfather. Your daughter is so tiny that she could accept a new man as her father, but after about the age of 3, blending an family will become very difficult. In fact, the difficulties are such that Dr Harley recommends that you do not remarry until the kids are out of the house, but I did hear him say on a recent radio show something to the effect that a new spouse can take over the parenting role when the kids are aged 2-3. After that, the new spouse (if a marriage does take place, which he does not recommend as I have said) should not take on a parenting role and should act as a great friend to the kids, taking them out for treats etc. There should be no disciplining them whatsoever, because the kids will come to resent the stepparent in a way that they never thoroughly resent the parent, and the new spouses' relationship crumbles because of this. The "no disciplining" rule drives the parent mad and puts her in the position of being the bad guy, but the kids will forgive their real parent more easily than they will ever forgive a stepparent. It's when the kids do not get on with the stepparent that serious difficulties ensue for the marriage.

This might seem like a long way removed from your situation since you are still hoping to rescue your marriage and a new marriage seems like the last thing you want, but the point I'm making is that your daughter is young enough for you to let H go and still have time for you to find someone much better, who is fit to be married and who wants to be a real father.

I'm not saying you should cut your H off from his daughter, but you shouldn't push that relationship, certainly not to the point where you stay in contact with an unfaithful H. Let your H manage the relationship with his daughter and prepare yourself to let this marriage go. If he can be unfaithful and "fall in love" with someone else while you have just had his child, then the omens are not good for his affair ending and even if it does, his returning to you hat-in-hand.

Hopingandwaiting. You have found a great place for support and wisdom.


I understand that you were completely blind-sided by your WH actions and probably have no idea what to do ...we have all been there. But please stop hoping and waiting because it will only get you more of the same. This course does not give your WH any reason to change...he is happy with his two women and baby.



Is there someone in your family that can take you and your baby in? Moving to get support would help you tremendously. Your WH is selfish and cruel beyond belief. He can bond with his baby when he decides to act like a real father and man...right now you need to get some emotional support.

I"m sorry that you are going through this.

Hey Hoping, good grief what a mess, poor love. Welcome! You are in the right place to figure this out.

I'm a fellow Brit and my sis knows quite a bit about benefits as she works in a children's centre. Ive just called her and asked about your situation

She says you should see whether you can claim working tax benefits, child tax child benefits and because he has left, see if you can get a council tax reduction

I would say you also need to see a solicitor about separation or divorce and you need to get in touch with the child support agency. I have friends who use the CSA and while their wayward ex husbands would love to come around and abuse the hospitality of the family home, they wouldn't volunteer a penny without the CSA.

Here is the one thing you must remember. You CANNOT trust him while he remains addicted to this OW. She is in charge and you and your baby mean nothing to her. This means you cannot play nice and trust him to provide for you while she is calling the shots.

He will let you down financially. he will let you down as a parent. Plan to not depend on the undependable!

You cannot play nice and hope to win him back either. He has the best of both worlds right now.

Did you expose her to her circle?



That is a terrible idea. This is torture for you and it just feeds his affair. While he still has not lost anything he is unable to see just how empty his affair is. He is still coming to you to get needs met, and you are giving them away for free.

Giving away your wonderful company and access to your wonderful home. Let him figure out if leaving was a good idea by MAKING him actually leave! He can come home as a husband but make it clear this freeloading is over.