ive been married for 9 years and my husband has traveled for 7 of those years.... well recently in February I just had enough with his traveling and degrading remarks to my children from another marriage i told him i was done. Then he has been very nice to every one but my love bank had been drained completely. In april i began talking to another man and found we have alot in common andtruly enjoy the time i have with him. Ten days into talking to other man I told my husband.I have asked my husband to quit his job. He wont because of the tremendous debt he has created with credit cards. I have all i can take he says i have to give up my male friend before he will quit. I say he has to quit traveling then I will give up my other relationship?? What do you all think? I believe he is choosing his credit over his marriage.>>>

Why won't you give up the male friend? Isn't it obvious that is the right thing to do? Why would a married woman have a male friend in the first place?

You are responsible for YOUR actions.
Adultery is wrong.

Your husband is asking you to end your Emotional Affair?
That sounds like a great plan. It would be very uncaring of him to sit back while another man worms his way into your pants. Bravo, Mr Angel.

When he has a faithful wife he will then quit his travelling job?

An even better plan!! Your H is a very clever man.

And if you refuse to end your affair, he can divorce you for adultery/unreasonable behaviour without needing to give up his job.

I see no flaw in his thinking whatsoever.

Can you send him here so we can help him deal with the emotional pain of knowing his wife is choosing an OM over him?

Have you read the materials on this site?

How did your previous marriage end?

April. So you've been in a relationship for eight months and is hasn't become physical AT ALL?????

Not even when your H refused to dance to your tune? When he insisted you end your A?

So you contacted OM, complained about how uncaring your H was in APRIL and nothing physical has happened since then?????

I think your husband would be justified in leaving you if you do not give up your affair. In that case, I think he might want to keep his job to rebuild from the financial fallout of divorce.

I also think that you would be justified in separating from your husband if he does not refuse to end his traveling job and affair-proof your marriage. He might be more likely to do so if you show him good faith towards the affair-proofing effort by ending your affair.

If it were me, I would tell my children, my parents, and other loved ones about my affair; then I would send a letter to the other man telling him I never want to see or hear from him again, and I would change my phone numbers, email addresses, and possibly jobs and addresses if necessary to make sure I never hear from him again.

Next, if you met your husband when you were married to your last husband, and if you do not have children with him, I would end your marriage. Otherwise, I would offer him a chance to keep the marriage if he will follow the marriage-building program on this site. The program is free and is detailed in the basic concepts, Q&A columns, and articles on this site by Dr. Harley. If he declines to follow the program (which would include him giving up his traveling job), I would prepare for a separation, because a separation or divorce is definitely in your future.

Yes, he is.

Jumping from a marriage to an affair never works, so you should end your affair.

Then, you should decide what to do with your lousy marriage. It's so lousy that your husband cares more about his finances, and it's so lousy that you can't stand it. You can fix it using the plan here, or you can end it. If your husband isn't interested in the plan here, your chances are pretty dim, so I would prepare for a separation whether you want it or not.

I would never go back to your affair partner. He has already shown himself to be unfit for lifelong commitment, by becoming involved with a married woman. If you want a marriage, you need somebody better than that POS.

He's made his decision. What are you going to do about it?

- That you are involved in an extramarital affair.
- That you're using it in an attempt to emotionally manipulate your husband.
- That you believe since you told him you're being unfaithful, that somehow, it gives you moral standing.
- That you have no intention of giving up your beefcake-on-the-side, regardless of what your husband does.
- That the above makes you a cheater.
- That the above makes you a liar.
- That the above are the actions of a despicable woman.
- That, in your current state, you are an unfit wife and mother.
- That you are well on the road to becoming another sad statistic wrought through adultery, and victimizing your children in the process.
- That I am OH SO HAPPY I'm not married to a woman like you.

Any more questions for me?

No matter what you do, you need to get the affair partner out of your life. So don't waste time worrying about whether you or your husband should fix things first. Does it make any sense to ruin your own life with this affair partner in order to punish your husband? It would make a lot more sense to divorce and move on, either as a happy single, or in a decent relationship.

And now it's December


Since you were done but not so much?


Your H needs to find another job and not neglect you. You need to stop your affair and using your H's behavior as an excuse for it.

Good luck!!

Isn't it true that you were so lonely that you would have enjoyed talking to ANYONE to relieve your loneliness?

And as for having 'a lot in common' - of course you do! When a man scams on an unhappily married woman he knows exactly what to say:

"Yes, me too!"

While picturing you naked. Anyone who chooses to strike up a relationship with a married but lonely woman is only interested in exploiting the vulnerable. He can say whatever he likes and will never have to back it up because he isn't going to be around long term any way.

Whatever you decide to do about your marriage, you MUST get rid of this vulture.

http://xkcd.com/807/


Yup.


Word.

Angel,

Creating another huge problem is NOT the solution to your Hs problems.

Before I found MB, I believed that I had the right to get revenge against my W for what she had done to me, so I understand where you are coming from.

God Bless
Gamma

Dear Angel,

You are ruining your life.

This other man of yours is a heartless, selfish coward. He doesn't want a life with you. He will leave you broken, used up and disgraced. Unfortunately, you will realize this too late if you keep on talking with this cad. Is this player married ?

Continuing with this affair is the worst thing you can do. If your husband is a jerk and wants to continue being a jerk for the rest of his life-get divorced. Get healthy and then get an honorable man.

My guess is that your husband will be less jerkish once you get rid of the scoundrel who is PLAYING YOU.

You are volunteering to ruin your life. Your conduct is unbecoming and shameful. You can change that though !
Sincerely,
Freedom

Both of you have to give something up. Give it up. Don't argue with him about this. GIVE UP YOUR AFFAIR. It will be the best decision you ever made for your marriage.

You left out that she is trying to shift blame to her betrayed husband for her choices. If only he hadn't have traveled and been critical of my kids, I wouldn't have been tempted to become involved with a man who is not my husband.

I see she has only one post. I wonder if she will return and face the truth, or simply run from difficult to hear things.