I think this sorry excuse for a thread should be moved to the SAA section.

Click "notify" at the bottom of this note, and ask the mods through the message window that pops up. (Given my history, having one of my notes arrive with a "notify" flag on it should generate a stampede by all "on duty" to address the issue!)

He's holding to some of the EP's I'd given him. But, mind you, this was early in the discovery and I just pulled from some of the posts here as a guide/example for him to follow and asked him to add to/shore up what I had given him, based on him thinking about his actions which lead up to his pursuit of this chick.

I KNEW I didn't have the whole story yet (as anyone could detect in our radio segment), so I found it difficult to come up with more than I had, that, at the time, would make me begin to feel safe enough to give it another shot using MB this time. That hasn't happened, and a lot of the EP's on the list didn't happen, or done sloppily.

But someone asked about the list so I'll post it since he never came back to participate:

1.NC ever again with her (also includes saying/waving "hi" down the shopping center, for example)

She lives one block over & one block down, from our home. So, as you can imagine, this has been HELL trying to keep tabs on. He says he hasn't had contact since he broke it off at dday. He would go in late to work, while I was at work and go to her house early in the morning, or she would come to his job & have "lunch in the park" and they communicated-from what I can gather-regularly on his work cell & thru using his iPod.
I put in place for him to call me in the mornings, but by the time he calls (8:30 or so) he still could have been there & gone to work.

2.We move

I've wanted this since the first dday. Our financial situation is making this impossible to do any time soon. But it HAS to happen. Too many triggers.

3.Get MB help; minimum of 1 hour a day, everyday, reading/learning/interacting on the website.

We started out well, in July, reading HNHN-except for the last chapter or so , listening to the radio show daily-but without much discussion, but it quickly fell off. I listen daily; him-here & there. And as you can see, he won't come back to the forum.

4.Tell me all I want to know so I can reconcile my life

This is tricky. Yes, he answers my questions. At first, without defensiveness. Now, that's ALL I get from him is defensiveness which causes a lot of conflict. He doesn't just tell the story from start to end, so I'm STILL finding out facts which leads to triggers, which leads to arguments.

5.NC letter

Nope. And if he really hasn't had contact, I'm not sure contacting her, saying "I will not be contacting you" is a good idea, at this point-6 mths. later. These brazen bit*hes take it as interest & fishing.

6.Total transparency-I THOUGHT this was happening, until I tested it with uncovering more facts that were being withheld. He has many excuses, from I didn't remember to blaming ME.

a.Give me a copy of your official timesheets from when it started (12/2011 � 6/2012)

Never happened. But he did give me his copy of one, but it doesn't show the days he was late going in because they don't document like that. Just the amount of hrs. for the day & they're always 8, even using vac. or comp time. So he covered that well.

b.Give me all passwords (if you could put them in writing it would be helpful)

He claims he has, but I'm not sure.

c.Account for all time-Mostly does this.

d.Show me & get rid of any online accts.-Claims he has none.

e.No communicating with a female in any other way than the necessary professional manner needed for work

I have to assume he's doing this, but not so sure.

f.No intimate conversations with a female (no conversations about anything personal, such as likes, dislikes, marriage, music, etc)

Again, I have to assume he is.

g.No flirting, no inappropriate conversations

I assume he's following this.

h.No terms of endearment of any kind, except for those in our immediate family

i.No recreational activities with the opposite sex

j.No interactive online games

k.Trade phones when desired

7.Change cell # & email and delete any others

8.Be open to accountability for your time away, especially at work

9.If you leave the house to go do something and tell me you�re coming right back, if plans change, call me and let me know what you are doing.

4eva,

Do you still have snooping techniques in place? Did you ever expose his affairs?

Lol...thank you NG. I've done it!

Sure I do. Always have & he STILL got past them. Although, I relaxed on them a bit when I never came up with anything. When he exhibited signs (this thread) I stepped up the hunt & found the iPod/email recordings.

A sneaky, determined, dishonest wayward will go to great lengths to cover their tracks. And I've discovered (after 23 yrs.-which is ridiculous) mine is quite devious & slick.

Affair was exposed on our side, but his mother hasn't been told...yet. She's 80 & in bad health.

I could care less about the ho's side. Those close to her knew he was married & had gatherings together.

Were any of the OW married?

Are you ready for Plan B?

No they were not married. They are your typical desperate 30 & 40-somethings (yrs. old) women who have nothing to lose keeping their doors open to ANY man.

I am not ready for plan B, but I'm fast approaching. The thing is, with me, if I have to go to plan B, that is also plan D.

If he won't commit to recovery and is slippery with his boundaries and EPs I'm worried what the stress is going to do to your health.

You would be correct about the stress affecting my health. I've been under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress for FAR too long (8 yrs.) and have been living with the health affects for about 2, going on 3, yrs...or more. It took me a while to make the connection.

That's part of the reason I'm at the very end of my rope. I can't continue to live in this continued depression, emotional & physical pain any more.

It's been too long...and I've had ENOUGH. The fact that he has no problem watching me go thru this is another thing to add to his list. I believe he lives in a constant state of denial sealed by his own depression.

This might help also.

Please listen to these radio clips on what are the reasons for divorce.

Radio clip at 5:45 When to call it quits
Segment #2


Read this.
When to Call it Quits #1