Well I finally got the nerve up. I pulled the insurance off her car. I also bought a cellphone jammer. She has to leave to make or recieve calls. She thinks that it's just a bad signal. I turn it off when I want to use my phone then turn it right back. Ive been talking to her. I asked her why OM is more important than me. She said that he isn't. I asked then why aren't we working on fixing this. All I got a the deer in the headlight look and an I DON'T KNOW. I still go out with her when she has to do anything. I'm trying to keep her from contacting OM and spend time with her. The last couple of days we have been comunicating.
We've been getting along a little better. I'e been firm about the way things have to be if she is going to comtinue contact. I've been doing it without any AO's. I'm just not sure if she is being nice just to keep me quiet. I guess only time with tell if things are really going to get better and if she'll finally stop contact. All I really know is that she went from saying she doesn't want to work on our marriage. to I don't know want I want to do.

This is wayward talk for "I want you both" and "I need to stall for some time to get through the holidays and then decide".

Sorry.

I just got off the phone. I have an appointment for next Thursday with a counslor. I need to work harder on myself right now. I haven't had any AO's in months. But I also realized that I haven't been the most sociable person either. I've been on antidepressants for quite a while now from my regular doc. I see that I need to also talk this out for myself. I give her space by trying not to bring this up and I haven't asked her to come back to our bedroom. I try to spend good time with her. But at the same time I give her space. talking about this all the time is a LB for her. I hope that I'm not doing the wrong thing.
Last night we were sitting in the kitchen with the girls untill almost midnight. All we did was hang out and sing old songs, laugh and just talk. I can't even remember the last time we did that.

I do hope that this was a Marriage Builders coach from the Marriage Builders coaching centre - Steve Harley or Dr Jennifer Chalmers.

You need the Marriage Builders programme in order to attack this affair and make make any impression on your wife's ENs. You do not need to sit in a counsellor's office and talk about the roots of why you do things as you do. You do not need to look into your upbringing or your childhood traumas. You need to deal with the marriage that you have right here and now. There is no better coach to take you through the MB programme than an MB coach. Please tell us that this is what you booked.

I think it's pretty much common knowledge around here that giving the wayward space is the wrong thing.

I pulled the insurance off her car.

...and you physically removed the plates, right? Not sure of the legalities of your geography, LML, but being registered in your name, that car, and any damage it might do, would likely be your liability with the plates on it.

I give her the space by not constantly bringing all this hell up. outside of that I try to spend some sort of quality time with her. Even if it's just running to get milk, and yes I pulled the plates. The insurance company won't cancel insurance without proof that the plates were surendered. I also Took the keys that she had to my car & truck. She had to borrow her mothers car to get to DMV. I found a counclor through the county that I live in. Money is tight and the county picks up the tab. I'm going to them. I'm going to tell them that I'm here at MB. IF they start telling me things that don't go with the MB philosophy, I'm going to have to figure out something else. Where can I find a list of councelors that go with the MB philosophy?

Here.
How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
Effective Marriage Counseling
Does Counseling by Telephone Work?

Should I ask my WW if she'll read surviving an affair while she still has contact with OM?

It probably won't work, but you could leave it laying around. The thing you need to try and concentrate is killing her affair and cleaning up your side of the street.

I'm trying to clean up my side. I did ask her if she spoke to him today. She said yes. I did get a little upset. She told me I shouldn't ask questions to answers I don't want to hear.

Asking WW if she spoke to OM is not doing anything to kill the affair.

Who have you exposed?

I was just making comment about what she has to say to me. Both of our familys and friends all know. They know where she works also. I'm still working on trying to get to her FB friends. She blocked me. I try to be with her as much as possible. But when shes at work I can't stop her. I've been working on myself controling my emotions and what I say.

What about the OM side?

And at work for WW and OM was a formal complaint filed and with who?

You've been in Plan A long enough to know that even if your emotions and speech were perfectly controlled all day every day, it wouldn't cause your wife to end her affair. Please stop acting like a martyr; you are simply enabling her to continue mistreating you and your kids. Your daughters have been asking you to take action which will protect them from more of their mother's destructive behavior, but you refuse. Why? Your kids are the real victims here, not you.

My WW and OM don't work together. They only have phone and text contact. Om doesn't have any family except for his daughter and she doesn't have a problem with what's going on. I've told her to move out. She won't go. She tells me that she won't abandon our son and I'm not leaving my kids. Witch is the part that I don't understand. She does very little for any of them. She spends most of her time at home playing on farmville. She told me this morning that OM doesn't have anything to do with our siduation. She just doesn't want to be married to me anymore. Yet I thought we were ok until OM came into the picture. Before any of that was said. She asked me if I wanted the have sex. Her exact words were. DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX? AND THAT'S ALL IT WOULD BE. JUST SEX. I'm becoming more confused every day.

If my WW wants SF. Should I do it? That's all she's looking for. That's all she wants. She doesn't want any other kind of physical contact. If i even try to hold her hand or give her a simple kiss. she pulls away.

You are acting like a submissive, abused woman and your wife is acting like a callous, domineering man. Why?

You are enabling your wife, and forcing your kids to grow up in a crazy house. Stop playing the victim and start protecting your kids. You are not helpless.

If my WW wants SF. Should I do it?

Buy her a vibrator. Show some character.

And as far as driving her out of your house, I gave you somne suggestions a week ago. Did you try ANY of them? No. Did you even come back here asking for additional details about trying them? No! Should we continue to believe you are going to FIGHT, instead of WHINE? No!

On second thought, go toss your WW a quickie.

Ok I had enough! Listen to NG! Buy that skank a vibrator no SF from you. Stop enabling her! I made that mistake a lot in my situation. When I started to listen to advice from NG things worked out. If its just text and such your in a good position to show her YOUR A MAN and that she can't walk all over you! Sleep in your bed! Stop paying for stuff for her. Show some pride but be respectful even though she isn't. You can't control her. What are her complaints in the past about you?! Fix them now. If your chubby start working out, clean up around the house, make dinner, etc. All the while being nice and respectful.