I did not send it yet. I like the rewrite. I am going to use it.

Good.

Thanks reading, for your fine editing skills.

Ok Loki right before Christmas would be awesome to send this. Send it certified to him and email it. You already have his key, but can you get your brother to change them now?

Then change all your contact information and go to your sis and enjoy Christmas. Who is going to be your IM?
Stay strong, friend and STAY dark.

Loki, the HUGE thing about plan B is protecting yourself. I see through reading your posts that you are more concentrated on how what you do effects him. As I have told you before, Plan B is a wayward free universe. It's NOT to make him change, or wonder where you are, or break the fog. It's about YOU!! If YOU break contact and reach out to him, then Plan B will do nothing! Think of it as going cold turkey while smoking. But every "just this one drag" will eventually get you right back to a pack of day and you are right back to where you were before, only worse. Because your lungs were starting to clear up and your cough was starting to go away, and you were starting to feel better.

Please think about that. YOU need this, hon!

I wish you a wonderful and Wayward-Free Holiday.

How are you doing, Loki?

Loki another point to consider about Plan B - everytime you are in contact with WH you are in fact propping up the A b/c you are meeting his needs/giving him a "fix" of you. It may seem strange but WS don't like loosing the conrol of BS, they will attempt to break your Plan B. A thrive on drama and if WH can provoke you at anytime it fuels the A.

Its been hard and there have been slips but I am doing ok for the most part. I left on the 23rd for my sister's. I called to wish my mother in law a merry christmas before I left. She is sad things are the way they are (she enabled this whole thing) and she will always consider me family. She said the family was asking for me. Mhm. Sure they were. She then said it was time anyway with all the hollering he's been doing at me over the phone. huh? She said all week he was yelling at me on the phone. Ok, not me. He blew me off that Monday. On Tuesday he called to tell me about his health (added he should have called since that was all I wanted to know) and that he would call me later about her lie that upset me so much. He blew me off. On Wednesday I decided to Plan B. So it's not ME he's hollering at. For a moment this gave me hope. I spoke to him a few hrs later, I said not to call. He said he would call Christmas and I said look, I only picked up to wish you a happy holiday. I said I needed this time alone and not to contact me. He said he would use the time to think. Sure he would. I've heard that before. Then I went away, I was back by late Wednesday afternoon. I told no one. But I did text bomb, why am I so angry? I told him the advice I was given. That maybe we should divorce now and if we wanted to get back together in a few years we can always remarry then. I told him I was being played a fool etc, all kinds of things I promised myself I wouldn't do right? So we all have setbacks, this was mine. That night he called again. Said my texts annoy him. That he would call me the next day. I said no, please give me space now. And he did. On Friday evening however someone was ringing my lobby bell incessently. I couldn't imagine who would do that without calling. At one point I asked who is it but there was no response and they stopped for a little while. But were back at it not long after. This time even holding the bell down. I never replied. Got in the shower and drowned out the noise. The next day, of course he called. I asked him if he was there the day before. He said no, I can't be. I said what does that mean? He said I don't have a key, I can't be there. I ignored that jab and said oh, I meant ringing the bell because someone was and you know I don't answer but whatever... this he was interested in. How long were they ringing it for. Did it happen before etc? Then there was silence. Until the next day. He called again this time to tell me that his Mother was sick and he wanted me to know that was the only reason she canceled her plans with me. Mhm. Sure it was. He wanted me to know he did not tell her to cancel them. Mhm. Sure he didn't. That was all. Then on Monday morning bright and early (7:38am exactly) someone was ringing my downstairs bell again. This time I looked out the window but not in time maybe. All I saw was a minivan outside. It was pulling away. I don't know who it was or even if they were the bell ringer. He called to wish me a happy new year and to briefly reminisce about something and I asked if the super would let me see the tape and he was a little more concerned but said if it happens again to ask to see the tape. Now I want to see it lol... I really want to know who it was once and for all. It's probably nothing but she likes drama... and reading what you wrote... maybe.. but I didn't see her so I won't accuse anyone. That was it. He called again yesterday but I let the machine get it. His phone has issues, did I call for the new year, he couldn't get through blah blah blah... does he think he never ran these lies yet? He was with her. His phone was turned off. He spent the night. That was why he didn't know if I called and was leaving me a happy new year so late in the day. DUH. I've been to this rodeo. I know all the clowns by name now. Everytime he speaks to me (and I know I have to stop picking up, I actually unplugged home phone before I left today) and maybe it is because I took the control away. I mean, he can have her 24/7 now. Why be angry at me for giving you the gift you wanted?

So it's hard you're right. And I am now doing this day by day. It IS much easier when I am back at work because I am not dwelling on anything.

Okay, how about we aim for this version next week?

Its been hard and there have been slips but I am doing ok for the most part. I left on the 23rd for my sister's. I called to wish my mother in law a merry christmas before I left. She is sad things are the way they are (she enabled this whole thing) and she will always consider me family. She said the family was asking for me. Mhm. Sure they were. She then said it was time anyway with all the hollering he's been doing at me over the phone. huh? She said all week he was yelling at me on the phone. Ok, not me. He blew me off that Monday. On Tuesday he called to tell me about his health (added he should have called since that was all I wanted to know) and that he would call me later about her lie that upset me so much. He blew me off. On Wednesday I decided to Plan B. So it's not ME he's hollering at. For a moment this gave me hope. I spoke to him a few hrs later, I said not to call. He said he would call Christmas and I said look, I only picked up to wish you a happy holiday. I said I needed this time alone and not to contact me. He said he would use the time to think. Sure he would. I've heard that before. Then I went away, I was back by late Wednesday afternoon. I told no one. But I did text bomb, why am I so angry? I told him the advice I was given. That maybe we should divorce now and if we wanted to get back together in a few years we can always remarry then. I told him I was being played a fool etc, all kinds of things I promised myself I wouldn't do right? So we all have setbacks, this was mine. That night he called again. Said my texts annoy him. That he would call me the next day. I said no, please give me space now. And he did. On Friday evening however someone was ringing my lobby bell incessently. I couldn't imagine who would do that without calling. At one point I asked who is it but there was no response and they stopped for a little while. But were back at it not long after. This time even holding the bell down. I never replied but I called the police. Got in the shower and drowned out the noise. The next day, of course he called. I asked him if he was there the day before. He said no, I can't be. I said what does that mean? He said I don't have a key, I can't be there. I ignored that jab and said oh, I meant ringing the bell because someone was and you know I don't answer but whatever... this he was interested in. How long were they ringing it for. Did it happen before etc? Then there was silence. Until the next day. He called again this time to tell me that his Mother was sick and he wanted me to know that was the only reason she canceled her plans with me. Mhm. Sure it was. He wanted me to know he did not tell her to cancel them. Mhm. Sure he didn't. That was all. Then on Monday morning bright and early (7:38am exactly) someone was ringing my downstairs bell again. This time I looked out the window but not in time maybe. All I saw was a minivan outside. It was pulling away. I don't know who it was or even if they were the bell ringer. I again called the police. He called to wish me a happy new year and to briefly reminisce about something and I asked if the super would let me see the tape and he was a little more concerned but said if it happens again to ask to see the tape. Now I want to see it lol... I really want to know who it was once and for all. It's probably nothing but she likes drama... and reading what you wrote... maybe.. but I didn't see her so I won't accuse anyone. That was it. He called again yesterday but I let the machine get it. His phone has issues, did I call for the new year, he couldn't get through blah blah blah... does he think he never ran these lies yet? He was with her. His phone was turned off. He spent the night. That was why he didn't know if I called and was leaving me a happy new year so late in the day. DUH. I've been to this rodeo. I know all the clowns by name now. Everytime he speaks to me (and I know I have to stop picking up, I actually unplugged home phone before I left today) and maybe it is because I took the control away. I mean, he can have her 24/7 now. Why be angry at me for giving you the gift you wanted?

Loki, CHANGE YOUR NUMBER!!!! Do you see that you are ALLOWING him to do this to you?? You are enabling his bad behavior and nothing will not change if you continue.

You can't control what he does, but you can control whether or not you will put up with it. So tell me, girl, why are you continuing to put up with it?

Loki, please, can you post with some paragraphs? I got lost in that.

Also, you are NOT in Plan B if there is ANY contact. Why haven't you changed all of your contact info?

I am moving to Plan D now.

Thats fine but it would still be in ur best interest to do a plan b/d. Send him the letter to get yourself out of his drama.

Dear WS,

I love you very much. I know with all of my heart that we could save this marriage but we both have to want to. As long as she is involved in your life in any form, we can�t do a thing about our relationship.

I can�t be with you right now. You must know the suffering it is causing me. I need you to respect this decision. I will not speak to you and I will not see you anymore. If we need to speak we can find someone neutral who has no opinion either way to be the go between for us. Right now, I need to look out for me and my best interests.

I don�t know what else to say. I do wish the best for you WS. I do with all of my heart.

~Loki

I sent it already.

I spoke to a lawyer. I have to hire a local one now. Papers will be served as soon as I have the cash to file them. I am DONE. There will be no reconciliation.

This is absolutely your right to do, and it is highly recommended that you Plan B at the same time. Go completely no contact, you can't understand how beneficial being completely dark will be to your personal recovery.

Agree, and Loki have you changed all your contact information?

What are you going to do if he breaks Plan B? What is your plan for this?

My sister contacted him and made arrangements for him to give me money every month. This will help with the financial problems I have due to him being MIA. He agrees to give me the money every month. That was the extent of our conversation. And the only contact we will have. Next month, I plan to have him give it to someone else for me to pick up.

I am done. I have gone over this again and again in my mind. It breaks my heart truly but this is never going to change. He will not miss me nor notice we are not in contact anymore really. He went from I need to be 100 percent sure then to 1000 percent sure then to this happened for a reason. He is adamant about never cutting contact with her and insists she is the love of his life.

I am so emotionally and mentally messed up now.

He has even stated he has not spent even one minute on thinking about us or any future we might have.

What's the point? We're done and he's chosen, even tho he's sticking to his "I made no decison" bs... the very fact we are here and he sees nothing wrong with HIS actions this time screams to me that this is plan D now, my only option.

When my brother moves in with me, which is very soon, he can field the phone calls and take the money. He only needs to keep giving me money until the divorce is final. Not once has he said again that he did not want a divorce so I am no longer hopeful we will reunite someday. It's never what he wanted anyway. I am the only one who ever really wanted that. I see that now.

Thanks to you all... I will need some support on Divorce Road because I am already having major anxiety since this is not what I want but I know there just isnt another option anymore.

Most of the time we cannot control what the outcome of our problem might be, but we can control our attitude about our situation.

I think a part of me had hoped he would wake up. But I am starting to think this may not be fog babble but real feelings for them.

I've read so much about all this and yes, she lies still and they built this on lies but they seem to really want to see this through to the end and he seems to really believe this is what he wants. I had hoped he would wake up but after all these months and all his BS I just know if I do it now or wait another year, this will still have the same outcome.

Even IF they don't make it... they won't break up until I am really gone anyway. I mean truly moved on and divorced. Only THEN would he admit he was wrong. And by then its way too late. ANd maybe he's not wrong. Maybe she really is the best thing that ever happened to him and the love of his life.

Yes, she has issues, is a liar, a cheater and a basketcase. But that doesn't mean they can't make it work or that what they feel is less real that what we had. He insists he wishes it never happened but now that it has he has to see it through so I am stepping aside and filing.

Based on the things he's said and the things he's not said, there is no other way for this to go. He is not coming back to our marriage.

Maybe he just wanted out and it doesn't really matter WHO she is as long as it's not ME, ya know? Exit affair.

And the more I think about talking to him the bigger the knot in my stomach gets.

I get it, you're in love now STFU about it and let me go. lol..

Damage is done all the time with no remorse. I just think about the BS he spews and want to vomit.

And even reading that post made me want to roll my eyes.

But thats his story about her and he's sticking to it.

He doesn't want to come back is the bottom line, it's the only way he can even mean what he's saying. He would never do this if he can see it and reading it made ME see the ridiculousness of what he says.. so he HAS to see it too. Only he doesn't care all he wants is out.