Been with my wife for 21 years, 19 year anniversary coming up.

I suppose my wife is a serial cheater. Since getting into counseling I also think she's a mixture of Narcissistic and Borderline PDs. Never anything physical outside of kissing, but five Emotional Affairs that I know of. One was thirteen years ago with a coworker... her excuse then was she wished she'd never gotten married, had kids, etc.

Early last year I had taken a new job and was working lots of evening shifts. She got lonely and had a series of four Emotional Affairs... she got dumped by two of them, placed an ad met a guy, went on three dates, twice to his apartment.. kissed him and then broke it off only to meet another guy the next day... went of four dates with im, kissed him too and then broke it off when I caught them together.

So many lies, so much betrayal.. her running around telling people I didn't love her, dating other men, etc. It all went down in early 2011 and I'm still mad as hell sometimes... recently went on Lexapro to help me deal with depression.

I just want my family together, I just really don't know what to do. We're in marriage counseling, both in personal counseling and her fog is slowly lifting... I'm just really angry and not sure...

Tiseye,

Are you familiar to Marriage Builders and its concepts?

If not you have to be spending at a minimum of 15 hours of undivided attention time a week with your wife. This does not count time with kids, friends or family. It is time that you concentrate on each other to meet each others most important emotional needs.

Do you know what her and your most important emotional needs are?

It seems to me that your wife may not be getting the attention she needs from you so she is finding it from other people and that is what is drawing her to them. You need to focus on making sure you are the one meeting her needs.

I would start by going to the main page of this site and click on questionnaires its on the top of the page. Then on that page on the left is a box Titled questionnaires. Click on the first one emotional needs questionnaires. Then scroll down and click on the box that says emotional needs questionnaires 50k print that. Make a copy for you and your wife. You both need to fill it out truethfully and honestly. Then when you are done review them with each other.

Then take the last page of it where you ranked your top five and post them here we can give you feedback and help you start meeting those needs. you will notice a big difference in your relationship if you are both commited to doing this.

Good luck,

KISS

Hi Tiseye, welcome to MB I am sorry for the pain that has brought you here.

Have you exposed your WW A's?

Are the OM married?

Read this Exposure 101

Beware of your counselors. Many just blame the BS and rug sweep the affair.

You must get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

You also have to verfiy NC with OM.

You need to install a key logger on the PC and don't tell WW that you are doing that because she will then not use the PC.

Get monthly cell phone bills.

Have you exposed the affair? You must tell all of the OMW's and WW parents and her siblings.