A while back I posted on my wife having an affair after being together for 22 years. Well since then I have learned quite a bit more detail as to what and why it's happening.
My wife has suffered from mild depression for about 20 years now and takes a low does of Zoloft to control it. Well last May her father was diagnosed with cancer and that's when everything started to go south. Her parents live about 1 1/2 hours from us and she started going up every weekend to help look after him, which was fine with me because she went up to the lake all of the time in the summer and it was never a problem. Anyway her father made it through his colon cancer surgery with no complications and things were looking good, until they did a PET scan and found spots on his liver

He now had to go through 8 weeks of chemo and this really affected my wife. She seemed to have it together OK but I noticed her withdrawling from me and the kids and sleeping more when at the house. In about late Sept. I noticed her really starting to get distant from me and when I would talk to her she would look up and say, "Im sorry what did you just say to me?" She also started losing weight and seemed nervous. Come the first of October she told me that she didn't feel she loved me anymore and wanted to get a divorce and move out! I was floored! I couldn't understand and she started telling me that she felt that way for some time and she just needed to get away. About a week later I figured out that she was seeing a neighbor that she had known since she was 7 and was never attracted to him but him father is also going through liver cancer and was further along.
I took me 3 months but I finally got her to see a counselor and after her visit he told me that she was very, very depressed and that he believes that her depression is the cause of all of her bad decisions. Now we are at the end of December, she is moving into a duplex and she leaves the kids with me on the weekends to stay with her boyfriend!
I know that it is the depression that is causing her to be this way, but can she be brought back from this? She seems to think I'm the reason for unhappy life, which isn't the case, and she thinks her new guy is her soul mate!
Do I have a chance to get her back a be part of our family again? She has gone to the counslor for 3 visits now and he is trying to get her to go twice a week. I'm running out of time because she has filed for divorce and will proceed with it as soon as she is moved into her place Jan. 7th.

Since this all started I've read "His Needs Her Needs", "Love Busters", and "Surviving and Affair" and I now know that I was at fault to a point. I see that I could do a better job at meeting her affection needs and that is probably the reason he reached her, that and his father is suffering from the same cancer type. Overall, our marraige has been a good one with no problem of infidelity, addiction, abuse, etc... We were best friends and we were in constant contact with each other telling jokes, working towards keeping our kids in line, etc... I always told her I loved her and when she would complain about her hair, cloths, weight, age, etc... I would alwalys tell her I thought she looked great and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else!

We have already given you the correct answers to your problems. It is now the holidays and we have no reason to answer your questions again. I know I certainly don't have the time to give you more advice that you will dismiss and ignore. Please go read your thread again and follow the advice.

Of course she is depressed. People who are having affairs always are, that is not any new news. We already knew that. She is not "this way" because of depression, she is depressed because she is "this way."

Ask the mods to link this with the original thread

TDF, you need to make the affair a living hell for the OM; he needs to know that for him, your wife is way more trouble than she'll ever be worth. Instead, you're providing fee daycare for his mistress [your wife] so that she can shack up with him on weekends. IMHO, not the right way to go about this...