So my divorce is final in 5 days. I'm not ready to date, nor to I want a relationship at this time, but I do think it would be a good time to start a list of things that I want in any women that I would consider a relationship with. I say this because it's still very fresh in my mind what warning signs I ignored this last time and this time if I do remarry, it would be nice to have something to reflect back on to make sure I know what I'm getting into. So here is my list. I'll update the thread as I find more things to add. I'm open to suggestions, as well as a place for others to post their list.

1. Loves Christ and serves him.
2. Goes to church every week.
3. No drinking/smoking (once or twice a month may be ok)
4. Is on-board with MB principles.
5. Not vain (requires designer jeans, 50 shoes, fake boobs)
6. Values family.
7. Has a good relationship with her parents.
8. Isn't seriously overweight or without good hygiene.
9. Has a quiet spirit that builds people up and is the peacemaker in her own home.
10. Is mature and responsible with her decisions.
11. Is able to accept constructive criticism because she wants to better herself (doesn't hate rebuke.)
12. Doesn't withdrawal or hide when things get difficult, instead communicates her needs and wants and is willing to work towards a goal.
13. Doesn't have tattoos and piercings all over.
14. Hasn't cheated, slept around, or has friends that do.
15. Doesn't create drama in order to bring attention to herself. (Doesn't harass the waiter because her water isn't the right temperature.)
16. Has good boundaries with other men (isn't a flirt.)
17. Has intimate relationships with other women in her life that support her as well as provide accountability.
18. Dresses modestly. (Doesn't show off her stuff to attract attention.)
19. Was a buyer in her past relationship (if she had one.)
20. Is content and not always looking for the greener grass.
21. Doesn't try to manipulate and control people.
22. Is trustworthy, as in, demonstrates reason to trust her.
23. Smart and practical. Not shallow and short sighted.
24. Is considerate in the decisions she makes and checks with others when her decision will affect them in a significant way.

ak

ak1,
Sorry that you are going through a divorce at such a time. No time is a good time, but Christmas is probably the worst time. I can sympathize as my XH remarried Saturday afternoon. I like your list. Sounds like the same qualities that a woman would want as well - well, by tweaking a few anyway!!

It's good to think through stuff and not jump back into another R too quickly.

I just keep thinking a day at a time. I'll get through this evening and tomorrow and then on to a less stressful time. Back to work, etc.

Anyway, hope you have a nice Christmas despite all the pain and drama. Sometimes being by yourself is just easier.

Merry Christmas.

AK1,

I'm also sorry you're going through what you're going through. Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a train!

In another thread you advised me to make my own list. Although yours is much more thorough than mine, I'd like to add some of mine to your list.

Nice
Personable
Honest
Caring
Funny
Smart
Likes and loves my kids
Likes and loves me for me, not who she thinks I should be
Stable in mind
Consistent in words and actions
Relatively physically fit
Physically attractive
Supportive of me and my wants and desires


Obviously I'll incorporate most of yours on my new list.

Dad,

Adding some of your suggestions:

25. Honest
26. Personable, caring, loving.
27. Appreciates and values who I am.
28. Consistent (usually on time, doesn't have crazy moods)


Do these things even exist in a woman these days? I hope so, because I'm not going to settle.

I think these attributes do exist, AK. I'm hopeful that they do, anyway.

It looks as though our collective lists are growing by the day.

This one could be unfair to her if her parents are problem people that she shouldn't subject herself to.

More items for the list:


29. Is intelligent and can hold a converstation.
30. Is physically attractive (to me.)
31. Is polite and respectful in how she communicates.
32. Is able to live the same standard she expects from others. (Not a hypocrite, or projecting)
33. Has her own identity that isn't tied to her kids, family, ex-husband, etc.
34. Is completely over any past relationships.

So I found a girl that is 95% of this, but just went through a divorce and then moved away. She may return, but it's unsure what is going to happen at this point.

At this point we are good friends and pen pals, but I would like to be more. With the freshness of our divorces and the huge distance between us it's just not possible, so I'm waiting for a while to see what happens.

ak