No, that's never a good idea. If she IS NC (which I doubt) it wouldn't be much good for your recovery. She might know about it already. -shrug-

Why? This mans ex wife already told her that he drugged and molested their child and your wife doesn't care!
She doesn't care that he is on a swinger site. Like him, she is a freeloader. Freeloaders don't care.

I had totally forgotten about that part.

Showing her this would do no good, like JK said. The way it sounds like, you could show her pictures of him with other women and smoking crack and all kinds of things and she still wouldn't pay attention.

Well my birthday is soon going to be the worst one yet...

WW called wanted DS for the day I told her no. She asked why obviously forgetting that she ran off him and SS to MIL house the last time she was alone with him. She called me ridiculous and that she wasn't going to do that again. I reminded her that DS doesn't want to be alone with her because of that fear. She claimed I was filling his head with lies. Then I asked about her appointment and she said she didn't want me there. Today I went anyway saw her while she was on the phone and she shouted she doesn't want me there. I told her ok I hope everything is ok and left.

Her exclamation of not wanting me there was while she was on the phone. I guess she was talking to POSOM. The way it sounded was forced and fake as well. It's sad to see her like this. The fog and the way these WWs destroy families is amazingly painful to watch. It's like she doesn't care who she hurts only thing that matters is some guy she met 4 months ago. It's like she is a drug addict. I ignored her comments but they still hurt. This is one hell of a rollercoaster!

This is one hell of a rollercoaster!

Dude, you're confusing a death-spiral with a rollercoaster. I would affirm your right to remain on either, for as long as you want, but would just suggest you be cognizant of the differences in the expected end, okay?

Talked to her today... She wanted to discuss finances and need my signature. Then she asked to see DS I told her yes. She then sent me a text that says us talking isn't doing any good for me and that she is glad I'm accepting the fact she doesn't love me. I'm very upset to say the least but I didn't let my anger go like usual. She called me 6 times then had SIL call cause I ignored them cause I was at work. She wanted to know if she could see I plan on talking to her when I'm not so emotional. Question, she seems to do what I want if I use the fact I have DS. If I would use that as an ultimatum to end her affair and hop on board MB would that be against the principles of the program? I think so but would like to see other thoughts on this.

It could be worse.
You could have lost your kid and had him molested by OM.

I recently had my birthday. And I felt sad. I felt sad last year too because wife was involved with OM.
But we have to learn not to depend on them for our happiness.

If the issue of custody comes up ( and it did with me too) I would suggest you reply with: "I can't break the law" and leave it at that.
My wife continually asked me to ignore the court order and I had been previously warned by the Children Services case worker that their agency expected me to follow the court order.

I listened to your radio call again.
I forgot about her being suicidal.
Basically the court gave you custody the same reason they gave me custody: safety of the child when the mental health of the mother is in question.

I wouldn't trust her alone for 5 minutes with your son after why she pulled.
And If she's so sincere then where the hell is step son? In PR!

Well she is mad. Saying she doesn't love me but doesn't hate me. I shouldn't tell her I love her because I don't. Full guilt trip mode. Hanging in there with the Plan A tho. Send her texts that I love her and wishing her a good morning and good nite. no response from them I call at least once a day she doesn't answer calls back attempts to bait an argument I handle it pretty well thanks Lovebusters!

I wouldnt send texts that "I love you" if she asks you not to.that can be considers d disrespect and not listening.
I would show her in other ways.
That's what I did.
But it didn't work LOL

Also makes you appear weak, desparate, totally beta male and unattractive to yor WW. She's doing OM and your going on how you love her.

Good plan A is not to be a doormat.

So, no more ILY. Is it ok to text her through out the day wishing her well? Should I even text her at all? She doesn't love with me and when I call she gets off the phone really quickly. How do I plan A in that situation? I sent flowers awhile ago. Any other ideas?!

Well she came over for Christmas Eve we talked and spent time with DS. Got her a Christmas gift that she loved so I'm filling the pond with those stones. Christmas so far is outstanding DS enjoys his gifts and talked to SS for 2 hours on the phone! Wish it wasn't cold outside so I can go running lol. No relation talk either with her, she brought up old times and we laughed and looked at each others eyes. She enjoyed the food I cooked just to into the hobby of cooking so that felt good. Other than that the same old mess she is still foggy and getting less foggy so that's a good sign, however getting my plan B ducks in a row for the new year! God bless you all!

If any activity is consistently rewarding you with the cold shoulder, STOP doing it that way!


Text her something humorous/silly. When you call, leave an unexpected message.
Surprise her by doing the UNexpected.

"Where did the king put his armies? In his sleevies."

Find a web site with puns/jokes/trivia/etc.

"Did you know that the glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher?"


Be different if you want her to respond differently.

Thanks for the advice!

Well my snooping reveals they chat through a social media outlet. I'm so angry right now its one thing to know it and to see it in writing hurts even more. I pray and self improve daily. Days like this makes me happy POSOM lives out of state or I might end up at the house lock and loaded! Hard to confront a snake that lives 1000 miles away. I really want to call this SOB and give him a piece of my mind! Then to top it all off he pretends to be a Christian male posting proverbs to said social media site about being loyal and faithful this guy is a real piece of work! I digress venting is over. Following the advice given makin baby steps she actually talked on the phone with me when I called. Anyways goodnite everyone keep fighting the good fight!

TD: Deep breath.

Okay, here are some things to bear in mind.

From the moment WW left with the boys, there was an infinitesimally small chance that she was ever going to return to you. This new "knowledge" of their communication method cannot be that much of a shock to you.

Think about it: Has she since the great "kidnapping" done ANYTHING of moral or ethical content that was not forced upon her by civic or military justice? ANYTHING?

She has given you one last gift, my friend - the evidence and proof you need to write her off as the skank most of us have suspected she was for months. Take the evidence you have, and deliver it to the IG. Give a copy to your lawyer, press ahead with dissolution, and find the life that you deserve.

Exactly.

Forward everything to the IG.

IG has everything, so far. Divorce going through its rounds. I am still plan aing to the best of my ability.

Switched up my approach and I'm not getting the cold shoulder anymore.
I do not shield her from her consequences
I do not bring up the relationship but when she gets emotional I politely let her know that she chose this
I talk to her daily for about an hour
Improving myself through the gym, cooking classes and anger managment
I listen to the radio show every day and I read all the books SAA HNHN LB
Learning how to be Martha Stewart of my household aka domestic support
I still snoop and I am not shocked per se just angry at her and POSOM
I have copies as do my lawyer of all CPS correspondence
Enrolled in a mini marathon
I attend church on Sunday and actively participate in the service
I also spend a lot of time with DS teaching him his basics for preschool
I also talk a lot with SS and let him know we love and miss him
Also getting her off the lease and also getting things ready for a plan b
Separate accounts
Asking for car in divorce
Locks changed
All forms of contact will be cut off on my end
IM is set up and on board

from what I'm told by SH she is vacillating between me and POSOM. Which I agree and been told to plan A till divorce is final. Other than the exposure is there anything else I can do to make the affair a living hell?

TD- Again, you need to apply the stick and demand that she end her affair if she wants to recover the marriage
Dr. Harley from "What are Plan A & Plan B:

"To insist that the wayward spouse end the affair should not be made with the threat of punishment ("I'm make you suffer if you don't end it"), but rather with the simple fact that it's the most painful experience you've ever had in your life, and if the affair is not ended, your relationship must end with either a separation or divorce. To end the marital relationship is not punishment: It's to protect your own mental and physical health."

Let her know that YOU know that they are still communicating and that it hurts you deeply. Don't tell her how, just tell her.

Vets, any thoughts?