Ummm..he is not going to say anything nice? He is screaming at your ww....silent.

Thanks and I understand, just packed up WW clothes and boxed them up will let her know to come get her stuff. Canceling insurance on car as well, its time for hardball and tough love! Plan B coming soon. Allow me to vent I never hated someone so much in my life (OM). I'm starting to lose love for my wife as well so plan b will help me immensely. It hurts to even look at her as she pretends she is all well when she is torn up worse than me. I want to ask why but no answer is good enough. I hope sometime down the line she will realize the pain she cause the most important man and boys in her life. I'm gonna need some prayers for this, the day is very bad.

Asking why right now is not a good idea anyway, you'll get ten years' worth of fog. As someone here once posted, it's like banging your head in the oven -- you get hurt and the oven doesn't care.

You seem to have a good grasp on when to start Plan B. Make sure you begin to check and eliminate all holes that she could get through when you put it into effect (IE get a good IM) so she has no way to contact you save when she is ready to be a good wife again.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much right now, TD. You have nothing to deserve the [censored] sandwich that WW prepared for you.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?" Over how many millennia has that question been pondered, to no real effect or answer? All those innocents can do is continue behaving as morally and properly as is in their ability, recover and move on. Doesn't sound like much of a fair trade, does it?

In the movie Sleepless in Seattle, the Tom Hanks character explains that his method of getting by after his wife's death is to get up, brush his teeth and start the day. It is only his faith that today's pain would be somewhat less tomorrow, and less again the next day that keeps him going. I can't promise you Meg Ryan will someday be your reward for persevering. It might not even be a woman. It might be that your DS will grow up and be a great young man will a promising future of his own. But there will be a reward for you if you hold on to your own values, and get up tomorrow morning.

Isn't there a plan b letter to the OM? Where can I find it?

I agree with NG. Focus on the daily matters of life.
"One day at a time" as AlAnon says.

As for plan B letter you don't need to send one to OM

Sample letters and all the pertinent Plan B information is in here.
How to Plan B Correctly

TD, sounds like a good plan!

After reading the link about plan b is there anyone who would like to be my IM? My family & friends are too emotionally invested to be neutral. My father would be neutral but if she wants to reconcile he wouldn't tell me. JK I know you volunteered before still up for the job?

I will serve, if you'd like.

Would be an honor sir. I boxed up her personal items and let her know she has one week to get them. If they aren't picked up in a week they will be sent to a mutual friends house where she can get them. Have a court soon after that I'm moving to Plan B. The love I have for her is waning and Plan B will be the perfect thing to keep the balance steady. I know my wife and myself. Using you as an IM will stop her calling me and emailing me. Three weeks she will be having a hard time with this and be willing to hear or see me. I tried plan A till divorce but I can't do it I'm emotionally spent and my anger towards her is building.

I know you've read the Plan B documentation here. I would suggest (having been through this twice before) that your discipline in NOT letting WW get to you around me will be the greatest test.

Have you composed you Plan B letter? Post it here for review, and leave room for my contact information. I'll send a note to the appropriate admin to get my info to you.

Beware that just because you have an IM doesn't mean she will stop trying to contact you.
Emotionally unstable people dont respect boundaries.
Be prepared by blocking her number; block email( change if needed) , block social media (actually just disable your social media during divorce anyways)

I'm glad you're taking NG up on his offer to be your IM.

How will child drop offs and pick ups be handled?

There is a visitation house. I drop him off there 2x a week for an hour or so. I won't need to see WW once I go dark.

I left my copy of surviving the affair over my father's house. Could someone post the example of a PBL and I can fine tune it to my situation?! Looked over the site for an hour and can't find it. This is actually the first forum I ever been a part of!

Here ya go

Sample Plan B

My Dear WW


I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with POSOM possible.

I foolishly pursued my career and neglected your feelings and emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake. My undiagnosed depression was a reason and not an excuse. I have owned my weaknesses and work tirelessly to make them my strengths.


I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with POSOM for once and for all. There isn't room for two men in your heart.


Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you.

I will also not be able to help you financially.

A friend of mine has agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit DS as the court states I will not be there when you do.

If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through my friend who can be reached via email @ xxxxx@yahoo.com.


I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering and pain I have endured because of your relationship with POSOM, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. Please understand that your dishonesty is a knife to my soul.

I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.


As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.


I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. I want us to transparent windows to each other souls without any secrets or deception.

We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend as well.


I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing POSOM.


With my love,
TD

POSOM; I love WW with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance.

Did I forget anything? Please review.

I would make the conditions for her return clear...
Sum up the stuff she has to do to ensure NO CONTACT with POSOM, before you would even consider talking to her.

I'm glad you've taken NG up on his IM offer. I know you wanted to Plan A until D, but you have given it your best shot, now its time to focus on your healing and enjoy the peace of Plan B.