Hoping, have you ever read Neak's thread? It is an inspiring story. Neak's Story

OK Hoping, but you won't be dark until there is NO contact at all.

Make your preps and then go dark.

Once NC is in place (which will be after Christmas now) you need to put even well meaning relatives in their place.

Tell them to never repeat WHs words to you, you're not interested. If they want to speak about other family matters, great, but WHs name/topic is off limits. He has a way to contact you, you won't allow any third hand messengers.

Oh and prepare for a great deal of hassle from him during his access on Christmas.

He knows you're about to withdraw his cake so his goal will be to manipulate and browbeat as much as possible. I'd go to your happy place and ignore as much as possible

How are you Hoping? Are you dark now?

I'm finding it hard actually I think because it's Xmas. Xmas eve and Xmas day was very hard for me! I know I need to stay strong! I'm just so tired and coming home to an empty house last night was drepressing!!

I have so much to do in my house and with my little one its so hard I feel so negatively towards my h. I just want to get over him so badly one minute and want him back the next.

It's hard but I will continue with no contact at all!

How long will these feelings last

It will take some time but the longer with NC and the darker your Plan B will help and get better.

It's very important to have self care during this horrible time of your life. What things are you doing for yourself? How are you eating and sleeping? Are you exercising?

I'm trying to eat regularly, could do with some more sleep but that's hard with a baby who wakes at least 3 times in the night. And exercise not really doing as my spare time is spent making bottles and general stuff at home and with my daughter. I know this will get easier as my d gets older buts it hard to find spare time for anything really. When baby is down for naps is when I get to do stuff round the house.

I will figure things out though

Sing as exercise.
Put on music and sing when you are doing your motherly chores.
Sing in the car.
Sing in the shower.

Give yourself the gift of music. Make music your "exercise" for awhile.
Self care is so important.

I actually love to sing. Used to be in a band when I was younger. In going to do this!! Love that idea.

I'm just really looking forward to seeing the back of this year and starting the new year fresh!

For me the very worst, most tormentous feelings lasted about three weeks. Then there was a rollercoaster of many months. Lots of happy days and some not so happy. Up and down. So very happy now! Just remember that if you have any contact with him withdrawal goes back to day one.



In your shoes, just grabbing some self care here and there is not going to cut it. You need to get organised to keep yourself afloat. Try and organise something both weekly and monthly to look forward to. Maybe drive down to your mums for the weekends for a while or have friends around on a regular night, or take your baby to a nice class or group regularly

I feel for you with the empty house thing. I didnt even have a baby to cuddle! My best tip there is comedy. Get lots of comedy, the sillier the better lined up to watch as much as possible. Laughter really is the best medicine.

I just read your thread and I am so sorry for you. Christmas is a tough time. Being around all couples that are happy is hard, and I get weepy. We have been separted for over two years with false recovery and I still grieve. With a three month old I am sure you are exhausted. My WH is with his co-worker as well. He chose her than me and my two beautiful boys. I am in Plan B, with a few breaks, but it is the best plan. Embrace it.

It is hard for any mother with a young baby, more so when your solo caring for the baby (& all that entails) and maintaining a household all whilst suffering from broken sleep.

When your surviving an A it is important to take care of yourself and find ways to treat yourself. I don't know if they have this in the UK, but we have "mums & bubs" sessions at the cinema. It's really a good way for mothers to get out see a movie and the audience doesn't mind the "disturbance" any little ones may make.

I know when babies sleep this is a time many mothers try to get things done, but try sometimes to use this time for you even if that is catching up on some sleep.

Are you in a mother's group ... this can be a good support as well as a social outlet. Mother's groups usually have regular morning teas etc at each other's houses or visit playgrounds etc.

Many Plan Bers treat themselves ... bubble baths, paint finger nails/toe nails, read or watch a movie (comedies or movies with strong female roles can be good). The key is something that you will enjoy and will make you feel good.

Had a rough few days my daughter got sick with a viral infection so had to take her to the hospital my h was informed and came down but was very angry with me he said that I have been treating him like an idiot for the last few days!! We have had no contact but I presume he means because I haven't spoken to him?

Thankfully my daughter seems to be on the mend. I don't understand why he was acting so cold and angry towards me what the hell is his problem?

He asked me a question then said no wait are you going to ask your sister (my I'm) to email me!!

Uhh he makes me so sad. When he left to go home after the hospital he changed and said to let him know how our d is and goodbye I didn't respond.

It made me really sad in the children's section of the hospital there were a few family's with mums and dads together made me wanna cry that that wasn't us.

So the Nc has been broken so back to square one again to start over.

I really can't wait for this year to be over with and start a fresh.

Looking forward to going back to my baby groups with d and to start living my life again

For me the very worst, most tormentous feelings lasted about three weeks. Then there was a rollercoaster of many months. Lots of happy days and some not so happy. Up and down. So very happy now! Just remember that if you have any contact with him withdrawal goes back to day one.


Now I'm not seeing him and having no contact apart from yesterday it feels like I'm starting all over again because of me seeing him so regularly before and all the texts and phone calls I was getting my fix as it where! Now I feel like I'm grieving all over again



I will figure things out though [/quote]

In your shoes, just grabbing some self care here and there is not going to cut it. You need to get organised to keep yourself afloat. Try and organise something both weekly and monthly to look forward to. Maybe drive down to your mums for the weekends for a while or have friends around on a regular night, or take your baby to a nice class or group regularly

I feel for you with the empty house thing. I didnt even have a baby to cuddle! My best tip there is comedy. Get lots of comedy, the sillier the better lined up to watch as much as possible. Laughter really is the best medicine.[/quote]


I'm going to make sure I have at least one nap during the day and make sure I plan something for most days of the week and suggest to my friends they come over at least one night of the week in the evening.

So sorry about your DD's illness. Hope all is well now.

Are you back in dark Plan B? Treating yourself?

Thank you it has been hard hate seeing my poor baby unwell. She definately seems like she is getting better now. I'm just doing a night feed as we speak lol!

Yep I'm back in plan b now I'm even going to go as far as telling his sister to not speak about him to me which she does all the time. It's actually kinda annoying!

Determined to stay strong! Have a nice family meal to lool forward to on New Year's Day too

I actually painted my nails tonight and ate some chocolate does that count?

There are so many responses going through my head...better to just laugh at the stupid things they say.





He doesn't like that he is no longer allowed to treat you like a doormat.


Chocolate and nail polish are perfect.

Gosh they really lose their heads don't they! He said ages ago that he wanted me to get out of his life and leave him alone and now I have done that he still complains!

Im definately going to try to make sure I spend more pamper time on myself I won't let myself go. I'm not trying to sound big headed but I have been told but many that I'm quite attractive definately better than skank face! I have lost all the baby weight and I have always made an effort with my appearance even during my pregnancy and I'm going to make sure this doesn't stop.
I also wanna fit some exercise into my life at least 4 times a week as I feel good when I'm working out. Really going to try.

Excellent Plan Bing!!!



As a pretty woman who's been left with a small baby, you're quite vulnerable right now. Keep your boundaries really high around other men. Dont lean on any male's shoulder, don't confide in one, don't hang out as friends.

Believe me, the vultures will come down on you thick and fast and you are still married. Some of them will have convincing disguises, but any good man will have the decency to not pry into your pain and will leave you to your girlfriends.

As a pretty woman who's been left with a small baby, you're quite vulnerable right now. Keep your boundaries really high around other men. Dont lean on any male's shoulder, don't confide in one, don't hang out as friends.

Believe me, the vultures will come down on you thick and fast and you are still married. Some of them will have convincing disguises, but any good man will have the decency to not pry into your pain and will leave you to your girlfriends.[/quote]


I have no intention or no interest in any men whatsoever my focus is on me and my d. I will definately be very wary though as I have seem this happen with a friend of mine when she split with her boyfriend and it didn't end well