|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
 hi.new here. just wanted to ask anyone out there for abit of input. ive been married 22 years,have three kids. i am now at a crossroad.my husband is very controlling,abusive and physically violent towards me.the last incident was the worst .he just acts like this type of behaviour is normal.that i make him do it! i have told him that were not good for each other anymore but he says "sorry,i wont do it again,i love u,blah blah blah!". he wont leave me and the kids.he has put too much into this home n family to leave,he says. can anyone relate to this?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Sally, when was the last time he was physically abusive?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
Two weeks back.he gets really angry when i answer him back cos im not taking it anymore.all my life ive spent being scared of him,oh whats he gonna say.now he cant handle me sticking up for myself.ive done as he wanted by manipulating me which hes an expert at.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
You would do well to go talk to someone from a battered women's shelter.
You need to remove yourself from this situation ... immediately.
We cannot help you here if you're being emotionally and physically abused.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
I would add that you must do this as soon as you can. Violence escalates and eventually he will kill you. Take the children and leave.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Sally, the others are right. You need to go to a womans shelter. If you would have called the police on him when he hit you, they would have removed him for you and you could stay in your home. Hopefully you can arrange to get him out of the house because you should be separated from him until he goes through extensive anger management training and gets himself under control.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Two weeks back.he gets really angry when i answer him back cos im not taking it anymore.all my life ive spent being scared of him,oh whats he gonna say.now he cant handle me sticking up for myself.ive done as he wanted by manipulating me which hes an expert at. Leave now. Dr. Harley says you must separate when there is violence. Please read. Domestic Violence #1 Domestic Violence #2 Domestic Violence #3
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
I know i need to leave him but he always comes up with reasons for us to stay together.i dont have any feelings for him, i prefer to sleep in the kids room.this time round he held the bible and swore he wont do anything else from now on!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983 |
Words, that is all it is. Empty promises. Does he abuse alcohol or drugs?
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
No nothing.its just who he is.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Sally,
So what's your plan? Are you going to continue to live like this?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
I cant live like this anymore.this effects me everyday it wont go away.our relationship has been at its worst now for a year now.i feel mentally n physically drained.i feel happier n so r the kids when he goes away on business.theres no tension in the house then.
Im gonna have to call it a day.this is as much as i can take.im done being the martyr n keeping this home together.i used to say im only staying cos of the kids.by staying my kids have seen n heard ugly things they shouldnt have.i cant put them thru this anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
I cant live like this anymore.this effects me everyday it wont go away.our relationship has been at its worst now for a year now.i feel mentally n physically drained.i feel happier n so r the kids when he goes away on business.theres no tension in the house then.
Im gonna have to call it a day.this is as much as i can take.im done being the martyr n keeping this home together.i used to say im only staying cos of the kids.by staying my kids have seen n heard ugly things they shouldnt have.i cant put them thru this anymore. I agree that you need to get away from this abuse. Can you separate?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
Im looking at the options.do u think if i ask him to move out n get a flat somewhere is any good?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Im looking at the options.do u think if i ask him to move out n get a flat somewhere is any good? As long as he will. Will he go without getting violent? Listen to these radio clips and tell us what you think. Radio clip on Violence in the Marriage Segment #2 Radio Clip
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
These clips were an eye opener.i can relate alot to the last clip.thanku so much."no-one is to blame for ur anger except u".
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
These clips were an eye opener.i can relate alot to the last clip.thanku so much."no-one is to blame for ur anger except u". Exactly, friend. So will he leave?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
Im gonna hav to be firm n tell him to go.the otheroption is i could involve family if he wont budge.ive had to call the police twice this year , he just wont stop .it was pretty tough for me to take that step.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 48 |
Thanks ,havin someone to talk to has really helped.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Im gonna hav to be firm n tell him to go.the otheroption is i could involve family if he wont budge.ive had to call the police twice this year , he just wont stop .it was pretty tough for me to take that step. You shouldn't have to deal with it. MB is all about plans. So what is your plan to get him out? Can you get into Plan B with the condition he gets into an anger program?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
147
guests, and
46
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
