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And little more than a week ago I cheated on my longtime girlfriend. It was a one time thing, there was no pre planning or anything. The other party was the one that told her before I could. Believe it or not I am very much in love with her and want to save the relationship. She doesn't even want to speak with me. She found out a week ago, she says she just wants space but I fear that by backing away it will give the impression that I am giving up and so will she for good. Any advise that will help me will be greatly appreciated
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Joined: Nov 2007
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And little more than a week ago I cheated on my longtime girlfriend. It was a one time thing, there was no pre planning or anything. The other party was the one that told her before I could. Believe it or not I am very much in love with her and want to save the relationship. She doesn't even want to speak with me. She found out a week ago, she says she just wants space but I fear that by backing away it will give the impression that I am giving up and so will she for good. Any advise that will help me will be greatly appreciated Order this book and read it; ----> LINK
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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And little more than a week ago I cheated on my longtime girlfriend. It was a one time thing, there was no pre planning or anything. The other party was the one that told her before I could. Believe it or not I am very much in love with her and want to save the relationship. She doesn't even want to speak with me. She found out a week ago, she says she just wants space but I fear that by backing away it will give the impression that I am giving up and so will she for good. Any advise that will help me will be greatly appreciated Welcome to MB. We say that dating is a job interview for marriage. Well I'd say, you failed the interview for marriage. Have you apologized? Then respect her wishes and leave her alone and learn to have boundaries. Work on yourself and change in you, why you have such weak boundaries around women. Learn and grow and do right next time. How old are you both? Why did you wait until you were caught?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Also besides the awesome book that HerPapaBear told you about, read this. Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We're both late 30's. Supposed to have gotten married in summer, 2nd marriage for us both
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Well, matthew, if you think of dating as a job interview for marriage, realize that figuratively-speaking, you just stood up on the boss' desk & took a leak all over it during your interview.
I don't think you'll get the job.
Do better in your next interview.
I'm not harshing on ya. Really. I know about recovering a marriage from an affair. See, I was the guy who had the affair. After over 16 years of mostly happy marriage. With over 22 years of friendship & trust that we'd built up. With two great kids who deserved our best shot. I know how hard it is to restore a relationship even when all the currents, tides & winds are in one's favor.
You guys haven't got a fraction of that in your favor.
My wife had a lot of reasons, based on what we'd shared & built over many years, to convince herself that it was worth her while to give me a second chance. I don't know that there's anything you can do to convince your GF to give you a second chance. If she showed up here, my honest, most well-intended advice to her would be not to walk away, but to run, & not to look back.
About all you can say in your defense is that you weren't married, so technically, it wasn't infidelity. And if that's the best arrow in your quiver, you are one sad archer.
Learn from this. Do better in your next "interview."
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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One more question. Will your GF come here?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Okay I should have elaborated on longtime, this isn't a new relationship and there's 2children involved
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Okay I should have elaborated on longtime, this isn't a new relationship and there's 2children involved Oh boy. How old? They are yours and hers together? Or stepchildren? Why did your first marriages break up?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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8 and 4. One is ours. One is a step. I waited because of the holidays, she was already distraught that we wouldn't have both children on Christmas. I wanted to tell her after. Her first marriage ended from a pregnancy in his affair. Mine ended because she wanted to stay with her affair
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8 and 4. One is ours. One is a step. I waited because of the holidays, she was already distraught that we wouldn't have both children on Christmas. I wanted to tell her after. Her first marriage ended from a pregnancy in his affair. Mine ended because she wanted to stay with her affair So why have you waited this long to marry her? What is your plan to have boundaries around women?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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The wait to marry was a mutual agreement and waiting on divorces. I have put myself into counseling to work on changing myself
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The wait to marry was a mutual agreement and waiting on divorces. I have put myself into counseling to work on changing myself So you were both involved with each other before your Ds were complete? How long have your Ds been complete? Do you know what boundaries are?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Matt,
What Brainhurts is saying about boundries around women may be the root of your problem.
From your GFs perspective she might see this, not as a one time thing, but the inevitable outcome of your flirting and confiding in other women, which she may have tolerated or suffered for years.
Example treating your GFs friends as your friends and chatting with them on facebook, or hugging them every time you see them.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 01/04/13 07:01 PM.
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They've been over for about a year now. Yes I know what boundaries are, for a short time I broke them
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They've been over for about a year now. Yes I know what boundaries are, for a short time I broke them You have a 4 year old and only been Divorced for a year? Since her WXH was having an affair and got his OW pregnant and your WXW was having an affair. Were you and your GF together?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes her divorce was very long time and drawn out. We didn't get together until about a yr after her marriage ended
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As I said about boundaries I know what they are and broke them for a short amount of time.I don't flirt, or am a huggy person with others. I don't even have female friends that I speak to on a regular basis
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As I said about boundaries I know what they are and broke them for a short amount of time.I don't flirt, or am a huggy person with others. I don't even have female friends that I speak to on a regular basis Then how did you sleep with another woman? What allowed this? Will she come her and post?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Matt,
What Brainhurts is saying about boundries around women may be the root of your problem.
From your GFs perspective she might see this, not as a one time thing, but the inevitable outcome of your flirting and confiding in other women, which she may have tolerated or suffered for years.
Example treating your GFs friends as your friends and chatting with them on facebook, or hugging them every time you see them.
God Bless
Gamma Also did you see this?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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