Thanks for sharing Sandra's story. How sad. And her life was cut short because of a senseless and selfish act. I hope the guy hangs. Really. Like the old west. Because what he did was an act of pure evil. And the innocents -- just like 9/11-- just doing their jobs. Going about their business.

And you, too, are an inspiration to me, Queenie. I hope to talk with you one day. I talk with Hope nearly every day and keep in contact with ChaiLover. All wonderful women. All of us on our own paths yet all going in the right direction.

I'd never want to be on the other end. Trying to swim against the current every day of their lives. Like D!ck. He continues to go against the grain. Not my concern. Just notice that it takes a lot out of a person by not doing what's right.

90 days post D and D!ck continues to buck the judicial system. Thinks he doesn't need to settle the bill. Jeez. What will it take? My worthless attorney is "researching" how to collect a judgement. Seems the easy route is garnish his wages while he still has a job.

Told attorney if he's not up to the task, I'll find another. Cuz I'm at the end of my rope with the inefficiencies of the judicial system. It's BROKEN!!

I'm working on MY recovery. Second visit with a therapist who reminds me to continue on my path and to seek justice. She applauds what I've accomplished over the past 5 years. Don't know if she does that to all her patients. She calls me "incredible." I say I was just doing my job -- being a mom first.

And D!ck. Gone. Lost. I really don't care where is he is or what he's doing -- just that he pays me my due.

What an incredible 5 year journey. Can't believe I'm almost to the end. OK...not "the" end... but the end of D!ck affecting my life. He has no power over me. And my therapist actually asked me the age-old question -- if he wanted back, would I take him?

Took me about 5 seconds to respond. "Absolutely NO." She was happy, as was I.

I don't think the system's broken, exactly, I think it's your attorney that is. A GOOD attorney would have helped you kicked D!ck's butt by now.

9 months post D and my saga continues. We went to court AGAIN (my 30th appearance) because D!ck stopped paying my attorney bills and has refused to split a 401K account.

It's now criminal. Contempt of court. The judge arraigned him and read him his rights. A trial has been set AND D!ck said he wanted an attorney but couldn't afford one so the judge appointed a public defender. What a crock!

My attorney called. D!ck wants to settle (surprise, surprise). My attorney said to put it in writing and we'll consider.

And D!ck. Ready for this? He's engaged AGAIN. Not to Bimbo, but to a "rich, older" woman (that's how he's described her to people). She's a Las Vegas black jack dealer. Figures. Apparently no kids and no drama. In-laws don't know yet, but our kids do.

My guess is she wants the D settled before they tie the knot. This might be just what needs to happen to finish the financial aspect of the D. And, this "no drama" woman is not the Bimbo who wreaked havoc on our lives. Yes, D!ck was the main player, but Bimbo was a big influence. I hope this new gal will help D!ck regain a relationship with our kids. D!ck and the girls get together for lunch when they're in town (2 girls in college), but there is still zero contact with DS22. He's graduating in June and DD21 in May, and I'm proud as heck that all 3 have continued on a good path.

As for me -- I'm dating a little here and there. And it gets easier as time goes on. I'm not the same pitiful woman who started this post. When they say "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" -- well, that's ME. I'm at peace.

I'll keep you posted as to the trial or settlement. Thanks, all, for your support, advice, and friendship. This site saved my life!

A funny story. Bimbo is dating a man who's parents are friends with MY friends. The mom introduced herself to me crying about how her son is involved with Bimbo and all her drama. Bimbo's bf was going thru D, 3 kids, money -- same MO as D!ck.

I saw the bf's parents at a wedding recently. They said they hate Bimbo, how she's a drama queen, and -- get this -- how they wished their son would date a "classy" woman like me. The Dad asked if it was OK to get my number so their son could call me. They said they'd love me at their Thanksgiving table instead of Bimbo and her kids.

Ha, ha. Isn't Karma funny?

Wow holyheart. Thanks for the update.

Some waywards stay down the dark path.

I hope your ordeal ends soon.

Any promising dudes on the dating front?

You've certainly had a long journey. Good to hear your dating and life is good. Has the settlement/trial been finalised re your atty's fees? Hopefuly everything will be finalised soon so you can really put it behind you.

What a twist in the tale!

Hi HH

I am unclear why this is an issue. [censored] doesn't have to agree. A judge can sign an order that a QDRO be enforced. The employer/plan administrator (PA) must follow it and split the account. You can bypass [censored] altogether and deal directly with the employer/PA. Do you have a drafted QDRO?

BR:
Remember, this is D|ck and he goes around the rules. During the D, he moved the 401k out of Fidelity into a company that sets up "self directed" retirement accounts. D1ck formed an LLC with himself as the only member. He "loaned" half the funds to the sleazy accountants bro. D1ck admitted all this at the trial. The judge put a value on the account. The judge said he has grounds to sanction [censored] at that time but my attorney didn't request it. Anyway, my half is about 60k.

My back up plan is to, if offered, not take the 60k and keep my whole "defined benefit" retirement that had a potion awarded to D!ck. But I'd rather have D!ck have to produce the $60k now just to see him squirm.

Nothing is easy with this guy. He acts like he has no money yet earns 3 times what I do, free loads a room from a friend, and still pays nothing towards our kids' college, auto insurance, cell phones, etc.

I've got two texts from D1ck. No response from me. I'll let my attny and D1ck's Public Defender duke it out next week. And I'll be back with an update.

Re: the 401k. I called the company that received the Fidelity money. She told me that only $2k is liquid with the rest transferred to D1ck's LLC. So I can't get the money unless D1ck gives it to me. And my guess is that he's cashed it all out and has his acct's bro covering it up. Then he will say that the investment went bad and he lost it all.

Bottom line is D1ck will not willingly give me my settlement. He hasn't so far. Maybe jail will clear his mind.

I know that D!ck is a special one lol but I didn't recall the details about the LLC transfer. You know your case only dragged on a few yrs and all.

Jail sounds good!!

In spite of the never ending stupid with him, I'm glad you are well.