|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 46
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 46 |
I discovered on the 21st of December that my husband had been having another affair for a little over a year. There was one between spring or summer 2001 and Feb 2005. DDay on 12.4.2005. I wonder if it is recoverable when it happens again. He says our marriage is finished, he has tried hard and I won't be able to forgive him for another affair.
I have an appointment with D. S. Harley on Wednesday.
I feel extremely depressed.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He says our marriage is finished, he has tried hard and I won't be able to forgive him for another affair. This indicates the marriage is over. He doesn't care. I am so sorry. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 46
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 46 |
You are sure of that Melody? The strange thing is that he doesn't seem to want to get divorced!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
You are sure of that Melody? The strange thing is that he doesn't seem to want to get divorced! Most waywards don't file for divorce, they want the betrayed spouse to do that.... Why? So they can say, "see, it's my spouse that filed, not me". Your wayward H want's to cheat and also put the blame of filing for divorce on you. As if somehow it exonerates him from the blame.... Ya, it's pretty screwed up, but what would you expect from a head up the hiney wayward! I would bet he's had other affairs that you don't know about? If you choose to try to save the marriage, don't proceed forward without a polygraph.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Papa bear, you are correct, he has had numerous affairs. And she knows about some of them. Se has been here for years.
Yes, Lorraine, your marriage is over unless your husband is willing to make radical and meaningful lifestyle changes to prevent another affair. He is not.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964 |
L555,
He says our marriage is finished
Translation while the marriage is finished, he is perfectly willing to stay married to a woman who cooks, cleans, raises his kids, etc.
It sounds like he has been getting away with murder, and has no reason to stop.
Let the husbands of the women he has been with know what is going on, there has to be some downside for your WH and exposure is it.
God Bless
Gamma
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
I'd file for D...was married to a serial cheater myself. Your WH tried hard? 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
You still here, lorraine?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 46
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 46 |
Gamma, he has no advantage such as me cooking and so on, in fact he more often cooks for me than vice versa. After the first affair he was very loving, but I was depressed for a long time and he is depressed too, I just phoned him and he is crying on the phone saying the idea of finishing the marriage is because he just cannot sort things out, he feels like jumping over a bridge. He is away for his job 4 days a week and it has been the case since September 2000. The first affairs (3 ONSs) took place 32-34 years ago when he was travelling by himself. The 2 affairs in the last 10 years started with his job away from home.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Have you exposed his affairs?
To the other women's families and friends?
To your family and friends?
To his employer?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
You've been on here for 7 years but apparently haven't followed Dr harleys marital advice?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352 |
l555, what advice would we give you that you would act on?
It's obvious that there is no loving marriage (since such a state requires two participants, and WH sure ain't participating). So, do you want to be divorced, with its pros and cons, or stay in place with a perpetual cheater (34 years of infidelity earns him that rank), knowing that this is as good as your life will ever be?
Those are your two choices. I'm guessing you already knew that. You don't need anyone to tell you what to do; you just need to decide for yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
198
guests, and
45
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,959
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
