wow just read a few articles here and can totally see where and why my relationship went down the pan. After two years of me digging my partner has fessed up that he had an affair with someone within two weeks of us getting back together from one of our splits. This has happened four or five times, he moves out we get back together he moves back in. Reasons being sex and how we both deal with it. Started with him masturbating to porn on the internet using a family computer that my then young children also had access to. Not just that the porn made me feel inadequate too which i expressed my feeling about and said it made me less willing to have sex with him as it made me feel dirty and second best. It carried on despite him saing he would stop. Anyway we are now at the point that we are and i have just found out he met someone from a dating site with whom hed been speaking and flirting with during our split and had anal sex without any protection to get it out of the way as its something that ive never wanted to do as it feels wrong to me. He wants us to move on but how do you I just feel that he went there with total disregard to me and my sexual heath and dont know why he wanted to get back together if this was the route he wanted to go down. I still love him but cant see a way back to having an intimate relationship with him. In the past i have acted first throwing him out then realising i wanted to make things better. Looking at the articles im always a reluctant giver in spite of my neds. Help please

Are you married?

Does "my then young children" mean they are not HIS children?

no we are not married and the children are not his biological ones

no we are not married and the children are not his biological ones

Dating is a job interview.
He did not pass the exam.
He does not rise to the level of "future trustworthy husband".

Make this quick.

Over the phone.
Have your script in front of you.

"Dude, we are over. I am certain I will never be happy in any relationship with you. There is no hope. There is no "trying once more". There is nothing else. It did not work. It will not work. I am certain. There is no discussion. Goodbye."

If he tries to say anything else, you say "Goodbye. I am certain."

Then hang up.

Change all your contact information. Change the locks in your home.

Do not look back.
He failed the interview.
You are not his mother, not his therapist.
There is no "fixing" him.
There is no waiting to see if he will fix himself.
There is nothing to do....You can be certain he is the wrong man for you.

You do not need to provide him with a list of his wrongness. You do not need to convince him.
You need to be certain. He IS not right for you. That is all that is required.

wow pepperband straight to the point. Thanks for that. All correct

Think of all of the above as "the tip of the iceberg". This is only the junk you know about. There is much more you never discovered.

Is this the man you want as a role model for your children. A man who uses random women for his own selfish pleasure?

Want to know why?
Look into the faces of the little children who look to you to provide a safe and secure home.

I do not see the point of keeping your precious children exposed to this danger one second longer.

If he becomes a stalker .... contact the authorities.

And, get comprehensive STD testing done ASAP. You should repeat some of the tests after about 3 months.

You are the center of existence for your children. Make certain you always remember that.

When they are adults, and on their own, feel free to date dangerous men.

I would kick him to the curb and not allow him around my children again because he is a perv. He whacks his willie on a family computer? He sounds about as attractive as beevis and b*tthead. Your kids don't need to be around that!

ive had the stds done today again. I went initially because he said after our split that he had had sex with someone else but it was whilst we were separated. The woman with whom it happened became a stalker ringing me up in the middle of the night. My children are grown up now the porn happened quite a long time ago and i sort of just ignored it as he got his own laptop. Stupid i know. They say love is blind dont they

How old are your kids?
Do they live with you?

You are worth so much more than this.

Get rid of that hound dog. Find a decent man. This man is not decent.

Don't you dare even think about having sex with him again. Yuck.

Don't waste another teardrop on this cad.

Wow! I go to the gym for under an hour, and the heavy cavalry comes charging in!

BC, protect your babies above all else. There will be other options for your romantic interests, but they each only have one set of "innocence"!

"tip of the iceberg"



When CHEATERS say they want to "move on" , it makes me uneasy.What a CHEATER means by "move on" is pretty straight forward.




This is not just a feeling your have. It is a fact. The fact is, he has total disregard for you, your health, your feelings, your pain.


He wants the comfort of having you in his life. This is not especially complementary. He wants you around (to care for him & meet his needs) without having to earn your love & respect.



Because you recognize it is a FACT that he is unsafe as a partner.
You may feel a lot of pain when you ditch him.
We recognize that.
You are a fool if you do not ditch him.
We recognize that too.

My children are now 22 and 19. At the start of all this they were 15 and 12. We did split initially and he got his own place. We share the same group of friends and he promised he was done with it, so we got back together. Dont get me wrong we have had our good times and he was my rock when my Mum died, but reading your comments i must be in the fog that everyone keeps talking about. And i am only giving you my accounts of things. Now that sounds really weak doesnt it and if you knew me im not.
Thank you all for your comments i do appreciate what you are all saying.

You are welcome. May I suggest you pick up at the MB bookstore....

Buyers Renters Freeloaders

My children are now 22 and 19. At the start of all this they were 15 and 12. We did split initially and he got his own place. We share the same group of friends and he promised he was done with it, so we got back together. Dont get me wrong we have had our good times and he was my rock when my Mum died, but reading your comments i must be in the fog that everyone keeps talking about. And i am only giving you my accounts of things. Now that sounds really weak doesnt it and if you knew me im not.
Thank you all for your comments i do appreciate what you are all saying.

He has also said that he knows he is in the wrong and has read the basics on the site. Ive just looked at my post and the splits were four or five not the extra relationship sexual encounters (that i know of anyway).Though i doubt that your comments will be any different. (now it sounds like im making excuses for him). IM NOT