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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 49 |
i was confused by the statement by HDW:
Perhaps you can find openness and honesty emotional needs fulfilled by joining a church or religious gathering?
i thought dr H said we should get our needs by spouse. i think you are confirming what i thought.
BW - me, 61
WH - 61
married july 1991, 2nd marriage for both
no kids, thank god!
dday - july 2011
OW#1 - single, 61
OW#2 - married, 56
both PA ended dday
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
i was confused by the statement by HDW:
Perhaps you can find openness and honesty emotional needs fulfilled by joining a church or religious gathering?
i thought dr H said we should get our needs by spouse. i think you are confirming what i thought. Exactly and it's about boundaries. With the love bank anyone could make deposits by meeting our ENs. Their are some intimate ENs should only be meet by our spouses. SF, IC, That's why it's our job is to protect our love banks also. Family members such as children will meet ENs of ours. That's also why Dr. Harley expresses EPs/boundaries such as no opposite sex friendships unless it's friends as in a H and W that are friends of both of yours. Even in these situations you wouldn't text or call the other H and vice versa. You're doing well by going back to Alanon. Good job.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 49 |
haven't been here in six months because my husband committed suicide in july, about a month after he started taking antabuse. his blood alcohol was .25, three times the legal limit, when he shot himself, but he wasn't staggering or anything obvious to anyone but me. the guy that owns the funeral home is a longtime friend and called OW#1 and told her not to come to visitation or funeral. miraculous -- she heeded the warning. but of course she has made numerous attempts to contact me -- wants to get together, wants me to forgive her, etc etc.
PROBLEM: she put things on his grave around christmas. i removed her things and put what i wanted on grave. went back a day or two later and she had put her stuff back, but left mine. i took her stuff and threw it in her yard. a day or two later she had removed mine, but nothing replaced. i feel i'm in no-win situation. if i remove her stuff, i'm acknowledging her existence. if i don't remove it, i'm allowing her to decorate the grave. please advise!
BW - me, 61
WH - 61
married july 1991, 2nd marriage for both
no kids, thank god!
dday - july 2011
OW#1 - single, 61
OW#2 - married, 56
both PA ended dday
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
rop, I am so sorry to hear this.
I would see about filing a restraining order on her. Is there no end to her cruelty? What a sick, depraved individual.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
haven't been here in six months because my husband committed suicide in july, about a month after he started taking antabuse. his blood alcohol was .25, three times the legal limit, when he shot himself, but he wasn't staggering or anything obvious to anyone but me. the guy that owns the funeral home is a longtime friend and called OW#1 and told her not to come to visitation or funeral. miraculous -- she heeded the warning. but of course she has made numerous attempts to contact me -- wants to get together, wants me to forgive her, etc etc.
PROBLEM: she put things on his grave around christmas. i removed her things and put what i wanted on grave. went back a day or two later and she had put her stuff back, but left mine. i took her stuff and threw it in her yard. a day or two later she had removed mine, but nothing replaced. i feel i'm in no-win situation. if i remove her stuff, i'm acknowledging her existence. if i don't remove it, i'm allowing her to decorate the grave. please advise! I'm so sorry rop.  How is your support system? How are you doing? Are you eating, sleeping?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 49 |
support for me has been overwhelming. over 500 people came to funeral home and many have continued reaching out to me. i am back to my normal activities. my spare time is being spent dealing with the financial mess he left me. but at least i'm busy. i'm eating better and have regained most of the weight i lost; in fact, i'm happy with my current weight. so i'm doing better than could be expected under the circumstances.
BW - me, 61
WH - 61
married july 1991, 2nd marriage for both
no kids, thank god!
dday - july 2011
OW#1 - single, 61
OW#2 - married, 56
both PA ended dday
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 23 |
I am so sorry. What a difficult time this must have been for you. My heart goes out to you,
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