I am 30 yr old guy.
have dated a lady (28) for almost 7 yrs (from the uni)
we planned getting maried last ye but it didnot come on.
currently she is out of the country and hope to come next month so we can start planing about marrying.

i am having a melt down and want to quit the relationship but i know it would hurt her more and our friends and family much.

my reasons are:

1) we are both AS (sickling )
though initially we overlooked it , i think we should not

2)i want to continue my career (do my phd, 3-4 yrs) before settling

3) we are argue and i think if i get somebody youger than me say 7 yrs, it would be better for me.
i dont know how to go abt it or what to do. pls help pls.

thanks

Welcome to MB.

If you want to break up then just be honest with her and tell her.

Have you read this?

A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

And this.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

Hi Kikiman,

Be kind, be honest and do break up the relationship.

7 years relationship is a very long time. I don't think most of those long long relationships really leads to marriage.

Please do not marry feeling the way you feel. She will hurt, family will be surprised, etc but better now than go through a problematic marriage nightmare and divorce later. Believe me: divorce pain and heart brake is nothing close to compare with a non marriage brake up.

Praying for you.

Ps: what is AS sickling?

thanks to you all

i really do appreciate your support so much

and you Brainhurts, lol i wonder how you came by that name

thanks any way, but how do i go about it

Marcella12, i hope you are not 12 years (lol, just being funny)
AS is sickling status. if 2 people with AS marry they can give birth
to children either AA , AS or SS

in the last event (SS) the child becomes a sickler and fall sick very often, some even die before getting into adulthood

another thing is that she loves me so much and i dont know how to break the news to her

i told her how i wanted to follow my career goals and she persuaded me to stop or change plans, but after i convinced her
i needed to do this , she said she would still marry me and when i leave for phd (3-4 yrs) she would wait
i cannot do that (wait for 3 yrs) and i dont think is good for new couple either
she seems to be so much in love with me, whilst i am not

do i wait for her to travel down here or i tell her about it before she comes
she is coming in 2nd week in Feb, 2013

please tell me more

I think you are talking about Sickle Cell Anaemia. A lot of people are carriers of this trait without showing any symptoms, but if two carriers have a child, the child can inherit the trait from both parents and thus have the full-blown disease. It has a similar inheritance pattern to Cystic Fibrosis or Tay-Sachs disease. Like those diseases it also tends to run in specific ethnic groups.

SugarCane,

thats right, sickel cell anaemia.thanks for your explanation.

so pls how do i go abt it?

1) is the sickling enough grounds for break up?

2) do i wait for her to come down or i start discussing this with her before she comes (she would be in the country at 2 week in Feb 2013)

pls help, i dont want to do any thing crazy

counting on all of your great guys out there

I think this is a personal question that you have to decide yourself; there's no right or wrong answer. If you want children and are worried about genetic combinations you could pass on, you can consider adopting children in need.


I think you should start discussing this with her now. It will be difficult, but the longer you wait, the more difficult it will become. If you don't love her, please don't marry her.

thanks for the response

i definitely want to have kids though i would not mind adopting and helping others too. she would also (like me) want to have biological children.

i would start talking about it, thanks a lot.